Did I make the right choice????

Bjo-hommel - posted on 12/09/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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So for some time now I've thought about possibly trying to make things work out with my daughter's father. I was with the guy alittle under 2 years. After a month of meeting I became pregnant. Things were ok in the relationship and I did what i could to make things good. I loved how I was in the country and was gonna be able to raise my daughter on the farm life. I was also a stay at home mom at the time. But the guy was an alcoholic and during that first year of my daughter's life I never saw much of him and when I did seems like we were fighting or he was drunk and I just kindof avoided him so there wouldn't be problems. We had good times but I felt alone and isolated and felt I didn't have anyone to talk to because my closest family was 2 hrs away. Well a couple weeks before my daughter's birthday things got really bad and I ended up moving out. About a month later I met this amazing guy at my sister's wedding. We talked, then started hanging out and eventually moved in together. I felt so happy and felt such a great connection with the guy and he loved my daughter like his own. I had a job and was having more of a social life. But this guy had opposite interests than me and I felt one day it might affect us. But despite that we always made things work and we happy with our lives together. I felt that I wasn't doing the right thing for my daughter being with a different guy and felt I should try to work things out with her father. So after I talked to him and he said he also wanted to try to work things out I left the life that I came to love to try to make a happy life for my daugher. I've been here about a month now and I feel I possibly made the wrong decision. I miss the guy I love so much and I feel I lost what could have been a great life for me. I feel alone again and very heart broken. I will be glad if things did work out between the baby daddy and me but I'm afraid he will go back to the guy he was or that it won't be the kind of relationship I desire. I don't feel the spark with this guy like I did with the other and everything just felt so right. Did I do the right thing???

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Ev - posted on 12/09/2013

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In all fairness to you, I have to say that unless the man who is the father of your child has made some life altering changes on his own, he most likely will go back to being like he was before after a bit of a "honeymoon" stage. That is a stage where things are bliss and carefree and nothing seems to go wrong and then reality hits. You have already seen this reality. And if you decide to go back to the other guy in whom you found such a connection, does he know that you went back to work it out with daddy and is he going to be willing to take you back since it may not work out? You can not jump back and forth between them. The man you found at your sister's wedding may decide that he was not worth it in your eyes and move on. The daddy of your child may go back to being like he was and the situation could become worse than it was. I think you need to step away from the men and find a happy medium for YOU. Think about your child and what you expose her to and ask yourself if this is what you want for her. Ask yourself if either of your parents would place you in these situations and see what you come up with. Also going between men like this sends confusion to your child to and if she gains attachment to each man over time, the break up is harder on her than it will be on your because she has no choice in the matter. I think men should be secondary to your child and yourself right now. Find that happy medium that is for YOU and her and let your hurts and pains heal from the things that happened with her father. If the guy you connected with takes you back, I would hang on to him and work things out. As for her father, unless you have done custody, visitation and child support, you need to get that established ASAP.

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