Did I steal her child?

Kodie - posted on 09/28/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hi Momma's, I know I grabbed your attention with the subject and I wanted to start out with something to maybe keep your mind open. I had a baby boy last year and so I definitely know what it is to have a child and that unshakable bond that we have. I know how upset I would be to have some other woman trying to fill my shoes. I also know how much I would appreciate someone taking on my child as their own and loving them when Im not around if my husband ever decided to leave me. That being said, I came into my husbands life when he had a 1 year old child. At first he had the child every other week. My husbands son and I had an instant connection. We did everything together. I started noticing some odd things after awhile. The child would never go to his bio-mom unless her mother wasn't available. He had medical issues that werent being taken care of until he got back to us. He was acting very upset when he had to return. Things of that nature. I backed off and left it up to my husband to deal with things. Needless to say, 10 years later, he calls me mom, we are each others rock. I hate seeing him leave, I get nervous when an ambulance goes by if he is at school. My son tells me everything. He asked for us to make sure he never had to go back into her presence. 5 years ago we uncovered mental, emotional, sexual, and physical abuse that was going on by her. She was in 10 different homes with 7 different men within a 2 year time frame. She is very addicted to drugs and we haven't seen or heard from her in 5 years. I know where her mother lives and we were taking him to visit her mother every other week for the entire 5 years. He just told us that he doesn't want to go there anymore either, we knew it was uncomfortable for him there but we wanted some form of her family being involved so that he knew we never took him for some other reason. But now he understands and can't be around anyone that talks about her in a positive light after everything she put him through. We did have many protective orders against her during the 2 years that we were fighting for custody. I know now that the only reason the bio mother ever showed up to court was to be able to have control over him and our lives, or because her mother threatened to disown her if she didnt show up. Once the courts decided slightly in our favor, she disappeared. I am talking, no phone calls, visits, letters, gifts for holidays, NOTHING!!!. Now he hates anything to do with her even though we preach forgiveness and love, without being used as a door mat or letting abuse happen. Now that I am mommy and actually have been since he was a year old. He doesnt remember a time without me. I have been the one that has taught him everything , helped him with everything, got him through the hard times and the abuse. And now I want to know what everyone else thinks. Did I steal him? Or do you believe like I do that his soul was always meant for me....that we were supposed to find each other. I was supposed to be his mommmy from the beginning, like I was. Let me know what everyone thinks and feel free to ask questions about situations, I will be happy to tell you details, honest answers. thanks

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/29/2016

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I also wonder what his father would say to you saying that you are the one who taught him everything, helped him with everything, got him through the hard times and abuse...you are giving absolutely no credit to his father in the whole scenario.

It probably wasn't what you meant. I get that. However, it is very easy to misconstrue a written post.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/29/2016

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Wow. Apparently you neglected to read past ONE phrase in the responses.

Nowhere did we disagree that God brought you together, kodie

We said that the way you phrased your post at the end was a bit off putting. Good grief.

You are now blowing it way out of proportion: "when he says 'mommy I think God brought us together as mommy and son on purpose', I will tell him know to only say that to me"...out of proportion. In no way did we disagree with that sentiment.

However, his soul was not "always meant for you". His soul was meant for HIM,. You, in that phrase are likening him to a "soul mate". While I love my sons and would die for them, they are not my soul mates...that is their FATHER, my life partner.

Yes, god put you where you were needed for that boy. That I will not disagree with. God did not mean for you to have his soul. See the difference?

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Kodie - posted on 09/29/2016

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well thank you for you insight into the way I say things, I was not aware that sayI thought I was meant to be his mom from the beginning or that God wanted me to find his soul was "creepy". Now I know to explain it differently to people outside the situation. And that when he says "Mommy I think God brought us together as mommy and son on purpose", I will let him know to only say that to me because it may come off as creepy to others. And as for the possession....yes that was my point, he was being treated like one and that is why my husband and I decided it was time to make sure he wouldn't be anymore. I have never treated him like a material object. Only a soul that needed stability and love and direction. I do appreciate the blunt comments, but I think that you misunderstood the situation. A child finding a home that they feel they should have been in all along and attributing that to Gods great plan and feeling that it was meant to be because it feels right is sooooo NOT creepy. In fact I find it very comforting. And yes you can steal a heart....in so many words....have you never heard that saying. "You stole my heart." I was simply asking if anyone thought that I should have just left it alone and backed off and let the pieces fall where they would have without me calling lawyers and trying to make sure he was no longer in her presence since he was being used and abused. Being a step mother is harder than being a mother. I have been both. I just needed to know whether or not I did the right thing in others opinion, not that my words I chose to use for the situation was "creepy" or possessive. No child is a possession but many parents go through custody battles and they are fighting for "rights" to a child. The law shows that they are to be dealt with as assets and it is heart breaking but true. These kids do not have rights in the eyes of the court system.....their lives get decided by adults or one Judge. My actions is what I was asking about not my religion or my choice of words. Thank you for your opinions anyways, it did open my eyes to a few things. Have a nice day ladies.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/28/2016

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I agree with Michelle. You may have been meant to be in his life, because God does put us where we are needed, but the whole post treats him as a possession, not a human.

Michelle - posted on 09/28/2016

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He is not a possession that you can steal.
Maybe you were meant to be in his life and I was going to say you made his life a lot better until I read the last few sentences, that just got creepy.
My husband has been a great role model for my boys and they still have their Father in their lives. My husband has shown them how a woman should be treated and that you can enjoy life without being blind drunk all the time. I would never go as far to say that he was meant to be their Father. He was meant to be in our lives though.

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