dimples

Dimples - posted on 07/04/2011 ( 32 moms have responded )

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i am 16 about to be a mommy the father is older then me, will it matter once im 17 which is the age of consent, or can he be in our life when im 18 im abt to be 17 in four months.. no stupid comments please thanks it is a very hard time.

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Amanda - posted on 07/04/2011

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Well, I guess that depends on if your parents want to press charges. It won't matter if you are 17 or 18 if they decide they want to file charges for molestation of a minor it isn't like you can deny it. You have a baby and I'm assuming he will either be on the birth certificate or named in state papers for child-support or medical assistance you receive. You would have to check into state laws as to when the statute of limitations runs out but some states can allow you to file charges several years after reaching adulthood. If your parents and his parents don't have a problem with the relationship then there isn't much to be worried about. Someone has to file charges in order for law enforcement to get involved.

Jennifer - posted on 07/05/2011

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It doesnt matter about the age gap. The baby is on its way. If you concented to the sex, there is nothing that can be done now, if someone wants to press charges against him a police interview would happen and you would be asked first if you wanted the charges to happen. if you say no, its over, case is closed and it isnt on anyones record. It doesnt matter unless you want it to, he is the father, he has thr right to be present in that childs life unless he chooses not to be and signs his rights away. Just think how you would feel not being in the first year or two of your own childs life. your a very brave girl, good luck!

Jenni - posted on 07/05/2011

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Dimples you seem smart, intelligent, brave young girl who found herself pregnant. I don't know much about the law yet you have found yourself pregnant before the age of consent so that will be considered. What has happen happened and you can't change the law nor is it your responsibility to protect your partner. You obviously care about him and you wouldn't want anything to happen to him, yet your concern now is you and your child. Both you and your partner should be talking, you need to know what he wants so you can make a clear decision for you and your child. If your partner is only concern about the law then he is only concern for himself. Speak to a family member or another adult that you can speak open to, you might be surprised how much weight gets lifted off your shoulders. You need to be honest to yourself and to others, your child is not something to be shameful for, you haven't picked the easiest road yet you can choose what path to take now. My mother lived in fear for 35yrs in the hope I never found out that my oldest brother is not my fathers. Her first response was "I suppose you think less of me now?" and you know what I thought, it was a amazing thing that a woman choose to bring up her child alone in the late 1960's. What I'm trying to say don't hold back just because your path has taken a different road than you thought and be totally open about it because you don't want to live the rest of your life in fear or regret. You and your child comes first, life is about consequences and the law might be what you might have to face, if you have no regret in making love with your partner then there should be no shame about having this child. All the best and really speak out to family because they are the one's that you need the most help from, and if they don't keep speaking out til you find an adult who will help you. Goodluck with the future

Rebecca - posted on 07/05/2011

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If you are serious about being a parent and looking after your baby and you let your parents know this then it can really help how they support you. Your parents may react harshly because they are angry and upset about their "little girl" moving into another stage of life. Girls I have worked with have varied in how they have registered the birth, many have not registered the father as it helped them with benefits and housing and simplified payments- it is all completely up to you but all these posts should give you some things to think about. Good luck.

Becky - posted on 07/05/2011

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It depends on the law in your state. In MN, the age of consent is 16, which means he could not be charged even if you or your parents wanted to press charges.

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Constance - posted on 07/07/2011

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Eve 22 at 17 isn't that far off. I think when a daughter's parents are ine with a relationship then they should have the say not the police. That being said it does depen on the age of the girl.

I have my own personal thoughts about the "lst" actor who married his 16 year old girlfreind.

We have laws put in place to protect but some laws have a fine line of what is protection and what is someone regrets doing so hey use the law to make themselves look better.

Laws are made to protect but sometimes it is a fine line of a law being taken too far.

Kellie - posted on 07/07/2011

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Constance, I know. I was extremely surprised! Even more so that the complaint wasn't signed by her or her parents. When I was 17, I had a 22 year old boyfriend. No one batted an eyelash. But I also lived in MT at the time.

And then look at the "Lost" actor who married his 16 year old girlfriend. Weird stuff....

Constance - posted on 07/07/2011

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Kellie that is where our laws ae ass backwards. She was 17 and he was 18? In most states she would have been considered age of consent at 16. My 15yrs boyfriend is only a couple of monthes older than her but it makes me wonder if I need to make sure for those couple of monthes that they don't leave the houe together alone.

Kellie - posted on 07/07/2011

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Not sure where OP lives, but here in the state of Ohio, I know of a boy who was arrested without a compliant from any parents. This was a few years ago, when I worked for the local jail.... He was an 18 year old, senior in HS about to graduate with honors. She was a 17 year old, junior. They had been dating for the last 2-3 years. The parents were very close, and thrilled that the two were together. He was even attending a college close to home, so the two could still be together. Very romantic, eh?? Until the two of them were caught by police in some park, having sex. The cops arrested him for sex with a minor, with no complaint from the girl, her parents or his parents. In fact, the girl and her parents were calling the jail to find out how much is bond was, how to get him out, etc etc. Poor thing was so scared. One of the very few times I felt bad for an inmate/arrestee.

Constance - posted on 07/06/2011

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It does depend on the laws in the state but he is the father and has a right to his baby. I would sit down with you parents and talk to them about him being aound for the baby. Most parents may not be happy with the guy but if he is going to be there for you and the baby they normally will allow it. They probally will have bounderies but it is important for him to be thee.

Morgan - posted on 07/06/2011

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I'm not sure what you are asking here but if its about who is on the birth certificate, that varies from state to state. As far as being involved in the child's life - if there are charges pending against the father, then social services may bar him frm seeing the child until they are resolved. I wish you all the best, and remember to keep your head up and that child loved. ♥

Melissa - posted on 07/06/2011

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it depends on your parents and the law in your state your underage so your parents can fill charges in some state hope all work out 4 u

Lindsey - posted on 07/06/2011

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I think as long as he isn't in a position of power of you (eg. teacher, counsellor, etc.) I think it should be okay for him to be a part of things right from the beginning. It all depends on the laws in your area though.

Allison - posted on 07/06/2011

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If your parents don't like him and if they don't know how old he is because this happened when you were a minor (since you said the age of consent is 17) they can still press statutory rape charges against him and a whole bunch of other charges. Once you turn 17 it doesn't matter the charges can still be pressed against him. Whether he wants to be in your lives or not, if your parents are unaware of his age and all that it doesn't matter when he can be a part of your lives he still had sex with a minor. The statute of limitations is usually different from state to state, but typically its 5 years from the day you turn of age so they have until you turn 22 basically to charge him...look up the laws for your state.

Jacqueline - posted on 07/06/2011

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I would say as difficult as it is... think about your child... will he or she want to know who their father is? You may not want him in your life but will your child want to know him. Sometimes people may not be a good partner/spouse but may be the best Father/Mother ever; given the opportunity. But the most important thing is that you put that child FIRST, the childs best interest. Hope that helps! Be well.

Natalie - posted on 07/06/2011

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Why can't he be in your life?? It's his baby, it was your decision to date him.

Tammy - posted on 07/06/2011

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If you are under the age of 18 and your boyfriend is over 18, but is no more than 3 years older than you, then there shouldn't be a problem, but if he is older than that, he could be charged with statutory rape, if anyone notifies the police on him, or just plain out chooses to press charges.
Age of consent (usually 16 in the US), is not the same as age of majority (18 in the US, 21 in many other countries).
I suggest, you just keep the age thing quiet and don't tell anyone.

Cherie - posted on 07/05/2011

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Hi Dimples, I am not sure if you will be coming back to this post, but I found a link that states age of consent for all states. http://www.ageofconsent.us/ It looks like most are 16 minimum. If your state has a 17 age limit, or 18 age limit, might I suggest not telling anyone about the father until after you come of age. The baby's birth certificate will reflect this too. And you can always change the certificate afterwards. Just dont tell anyone you were raped, because that can come back to bite you and the father! Good luck to you!

Natalia - posted on 07/05/2011

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Sweetheart, u won't get in trouble. Clearly both of u consented to ur actions regardless of ur ages. Don't worry about that!! God bless u!

Amanda - posted on 07/05/2011

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um Im not sure if your in Canada or USA, and Im not sure if it really matters, but I dont see why he cant be in your life, unless its a parental (your parents) who are having the problem. I mean, if I was 16, and pregnant by an older man, I would hope my parents would suport both the pregnancy AND him as a father. Does he WANT to be in your lives? What is the situation? OK, so I read all the other comments, sounds like your in the USA... so I cant really help. I know here In canda if your over 14, and have consentual sex, no one can do anything.... UNLESS the older of the two is in an athority figure (ie, teacher, coach, minister, etc), and the father HAS to be named on the birth record or sign all parental rights to the mother....

Tamara - posted on 07/05/2011

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OOOps just read the age, like I said its hard to tell. have you talked to your parents?

Tamara - posted on 07/05/2011

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I think it depends on the state you are in the laws vary, they can also to a degree vary from county to county too.

But I do think that you or your parents would be the one to press charges. also depends on how much older then you he is,

Chrissy - posted on 07/05/2011

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My cousin had the same experience, except he was the father of the baby. Charges were filed in his case, because his girlfriend's mom wanted them filed. It will depend on your parents, I believe.

Holle - posted on 07/05/2011

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Amanda is correct.. unless someone presses charges on him he wont be procecuded..... but... any...any state or government help and the government may charge him.

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