Dirty Little Secret

Barb - posted on 11/07/2011 ( 19 moms have responded )

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The goal of this post is to shine a spotlight on child molesters, to end the shameful silence their victims and the victim's family feel they need to perpetuate, to be able to talk openly about sexual abuse. To often crimes go unreported and even after they are, victims and their families feel shame and guilt as if they are the ones who did this heinous crime. I also want to warn everyone of someone i know who is a child molester who is scheduled to get out of prison in IL, Jan 08, 2012



My father is a child molester.

http://www.homefacts.com/offender-detail...

(this is when he was first arrested)

http://www.idoc.state.il.us/subsections/... (this is what he looks like now) If that link doesn't work, go to here: http://www.idoc.state.il.us/subsections/... and look for Devine with the birthdate of 05-22-1937



Before when i would tell people, i felt the need to point out all the wonderful things he has done. He went to India and helped after the Tsunami hit. He paid for a boy with spina bifida to go on a cruise. He never abused me. He was a leader in his church, sometimes giving sermons and teaching a sabbath school class. If he would not have admitted to me with his own lips what he had done, i never would have believed it.



Now all those good attributes are important to point out, not to show how good of a man he is, but how normal in society he is. That is the truly scary part. He is a charmer and a con man. He's not the creepy stranger danger that everyone fears will hurt their child. He's a dad, a grandpa, a brother, an uncle, widowed, elder of the church, with pictures of family all over his well maintained pretty house on the lake. No one would ever suspect him as a stranger danger, because he is not a strange stranger. He becomes your friend and then does horrible things to your children.



Here are some terrifying statistics:

http://childsafetips.abouttips.com/child...



To highlight a couple of these:



Most sexual abuse happens between the ages of 7 and 13.



There are over 491,720 registered sex offenders in the United States.



80,000 to 100,000 of the above offenders are missing.



Molesters known by the family or victim are the most common abusers. The “Acquaintance Molester” accounts for 70-90% of reported cases.

~ end ~



It is far more likely that children will be abused by someone they know than the illusive "stranger danger"



It has been suggested that 60% of girls have been molested before they reach the age of 13, and 40% of boys. These are just the reported cases.



So how do you know if your child has been molested. Many sites state behavior changes become apparent, thoughts of suicide, unusual interest in sexual things, or a complete avoidance, may make statements their body is dirty or something is wrong in the genitalia area. But there are also physical signs a child has been abused. If they have been forced to give someone oral sex, they may develop a sensitive gag reflex and may change eating habits. A friend of mine who is a midwife said that many times when women have been raped, they have to get a c-section because their body will shut down when they try to engage their pushing muscles. So a child may develop an inability to have a bowel movement.



Keeping it a secret only helps the child molester molest more children.



So many times on the news we hear about a youth pastor or school teacher or someone who is involved with children at an organization have harmed a child in their care. Have you ever gone through your church directory or day care or school provider and put their names to the sex registry to see if they are on it?



http://www.nsopw.gov/Core/Portal.aspx?As...



Here is a quote from my father's pastor. "Pastor Rick Odle, of Oakville Seventh-day Adventist Church, where Devine attended service, was shocked to hear the news. "Bill Devine has been a member of this church for a number of years," Odle said. "He is highly respected and he is the last person people expect for something like this to happen. It sounds uncharacteristic of the Bill we know."



People aren't not molesters just because you don't want them to be.

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Carolee - posted on 11/07/2011

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It's like you described my grandfather. The only difference is he never went to jail and his name is Bob Costie and he lives in Michigan. He's still an Elder at his SDA church.

Good for you for putting the warning out there.

Tina - posted on 11/10/2011

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I'm glad you pointed out that a paedofilte isn't a creepy person but a person who acts normal in society. I had relative that was imprisoned for possessing child porn and yet people still deny he did it. A couple people came out about what happened to them but still people deny it. He was a giving person I and other children stayed at his place.
Though he didn't do anything to me I don't deny that he was guilty where others do. It is hard to come to terms with as I was close to this man. He isn't alive any more but I still find myself struggling wondering why did he do it. Was he even sorry for what he did. Answers I'll never get. It angers me so much that this person I thought I knew was a complete stranger. It angers me more that people refuse to believe the truth. It's like the whole stranger danger thing. A child thinks of a stranger as a creepy scary person. When anyone is really a stranger. Eg. It's the little old man at the supermarket that seems so nice.

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I remember years ago when my friends mom came out that her husband was abusing her. but oh no not possible. such a fine upstanding man and so much a part of the synogogue they went to. she was ousted. he was still the good guy. yrs ago. different story same concept. yes barb...agree with marina. one of the most couraeous women I know. and carolee I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. good for you for posting. courage as well!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/07/2011

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Good for you Barb. You are one of the most courageous people I know.

19 Comments

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Julianne - posted on 06/25/2013

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Thank you. Thank you. I'm so sorry so many potential good memories with grandpa were shattered by the broken character and broken story which was revealed through the course of time.

Your words, "he never abused me." Have brought both relief and confusion to my understanding of why his very own daughter with children of her own...friends of childhood, would choose the broken over the man, the silence over potential memories...hopefully complete and not shattered...

One can only offer appreciation for your motherly love, discernment, and words of...openness. For through your Godly transparency have you shown the face of God to the broken girl.

She is not broken. She is youthful yet discerning, energetic but overly cautious, loving yet perpetually reserved for fear of losing those whom she reaches out to. She is educated and still always willing to learn. Today, she has learned that choosing the minority usually makes the biggest impact years after the initial intention.

Fishing with Daniel was missed these years... As well as the stories of Russian culture and exchanges of Russian-English language lessons.

You have spoken and have been heard by a journalist, a reporter, an avid photographer, a student, a friend, and a future ABA therapist. And she appreciates every. Single. Step that it took for you to make the choice that you did. Because it could not have been at all, easy.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/11/2011

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I really think this should be pinned so everyone can read it.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/11/2011

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Posting just to get this back on the front page....so important for others to read it.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/11/2011

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My mother, her two sisters and a few cousins were all raped by an uncle. I know for a fact that was never reported. However no one went to his funeral.

There was an announcement on the news yesturday that the RCMP where I live are releasing a serial rapist. I don't understand why sex crimes aren't life sentances if someone does it repeatedly

Barb - posted on 11/11/2011

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They set the conditions of his parole Sept 6th. He can't live near a school or park, he can't live in a house that has children, he can't go anywhere children are present (i'm hoping this means church as well, since that is where he committed one of these offenses) He has to wear an ankle bracelet with GPS so they know where he is at all times. He has to be on the sex offenders registry.

But i know where he is going. He is going to his niece's house. They don't believe he did these things or if he did, it wasn't as bad as everyone is making it to be. She lives way out in the country in Idaho. Her only neighbors are her son and his wife and their little kids that take the path over to her house anytime.

Tina, i can't speak for the man you knew. However i do know how devastating it is to find out someone you trusted completely isn't who you think they are. When my father told me what he had done, he told me in a way that made it the fault of the child and would not accept any responsibility, blamed it on "the ole devil just took control" seriously. I have long since given up trying to understand how he could have committed such atrocious acts on a 7 year old. My mind doesn't work the way his sick one does and i know i'll never be able to understand it. And to be honest, i don't think i really want to.

Tina - posted on 11/11/2011

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yes I'm in Australia too the person I mentioned only got 18 months without probation. Which is pathetic. His health wasn't good though and he passed away soon after leaving prison. He also had to move prisons several times because he got attacked. So he can't cause anyone any harm. In some places they are following up on these people which should be done everywhere. There are some that intend to re offend and there are some that do feel guilt for what they've done and wish to change. Either way it's no good serving a sentence then getting out without any further follow up to make sure these people do not re offend.

Sharlene - posted on 11/10/2011

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YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Alot of children will be thanking you .cheers

Carly - posted on 11/10/2011

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Good on you for naming and shaming too often they just get swept under the carpet.

I know someone who was molested and he did 18 months (in Australia) for molesting 3 young girls over a period of 4 years - he is now free and who know what he is up to in his home town of Hoppers Crossing???

Barb - posted on 11/07/2011

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Thank you Marina, and Denikka for your words of encouragement. And thank you Carolee for giving us someone else to watch out for. That is the whole purpose of this thread. To get it out there.

I read Paster Odle's statement over and over again. Did you notice he said, "he is the last person people expect for something like this to happen" Like this is a disease that someone caught, a bad thing that just 'happens' ; as if the molester is a victim himself. wth? The Pastor can't even say the words.
People don't want to talk about it because it might make their family look bad, or their church look bad, their school or other organization. What makes these people and places look bad, is in trying to cover it up.

Denikka - posted on 11/07/2011

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I completely agree. Especially with sexual offenders, and even more so when their crimes involve children. They need to have their names screamed from the roof tops and have their face plastered on every telephone pole.

I realize that for some, it's an honest, or stupid mistake that lands them there. Such as a 20yr old dating and having sex with a 16yr old who has lied. Or false accusations that lead the prosecution. But you know what, I would MUCH rather have a few people, adults, have their lives ruined or made more difficult than have ONE MORE CHILD have their lives destroyed because of a KNOWN child molester.

This is one of the huge reasons that I am SO careful of who I leave my children with. And why I am SO confused about the whole stranger danger stuff. The danger is living next door or INSIDE your home. The danger is visiting during the holidays, or teaching your kid how to catch a ball.
Teach the kids about stranger danger, but teach them more that it's unacceptable for ANYONE to do those things to them. Whether it be mommy, daddy, aunt, uncle, grandparent, teacher, coach, whatever.

Good on you for sharing your story. And good luck with your healing. Things like this can leave some pretty ugly scars, even if it's not you that actually experienced it.

Barb - posted on 11/07/2011

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Okay, i re did the links, they should work now. The only ones i couldn't get to work again were the Illinois dept of corrections that showed his profile. You can googled "Willard J Devine criminal" and see what comes up if you like.

Barb - posted on 11/07/2011

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That is really weird, when i posted it i checked all the links and they worked, but now i checked them and they don't work. I'll see what i can do with that

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