Disabled Mom with prescription opiate dependence for severe arthritis

Amy - posted on 04/20/2016 ( no moms have responded yet )




I am new here. I apologize for the length of my post. At the end of all of it, I feel overwhelmed and there are no easy answwers. I looked and there are really no posts that include the situations I am facing.
I am a 36 year old disabled, 4ft tall little person with Spondyloepiphyseal dysplasia congenita. Basically, at my conception my genes mutated and caused changes to my skeletal structure that caused me to face coping with early onset osteoarthritis, under development of the cartilage in all of my joints with spinal issues and severe sacroiliac joint dysfunction with severe hip deformity (coxa vara). I have had many surgeries including 3 hip surgeries, herniated disc (a sac on my spinal cord was ruptured when removing the disc because it had been there so long. No doctor listened about the severity of the pain becauseof my age and my ignorance that what I was experiencing was not normal.), ankle fusion, and more. Regardless, I put myself through college on a full scholarship and taught school for 5 years until I had passed out 3 times from pain. Two months later I became hospitalized because I was very sick, experiencing horrific pain, and wasn't improving with rest. I could not rest. This was 2008. I was put on high doses of narcotics and a slew of other very strong substances. When I could finally rest I almost never got out of bed anymore. During a haze my ex and I created the best part of all of the suffering, my perfectly amazing 6 year old little boy in 2010. My ex and I were nowhere near prepared to care for a little boy. I cried and cried and had nightmares of him crying for me every night and I couldn't save him. I was extremely sick with no support. My ex has several severe mental illnesses but had not ever been properly diagnosed or treated. They didn't fully emerge until I became mostly bed ridden. My hip was fractured and I would puke anything I tried to swallow. At the moment I am 90lbs. I got down to around 70lbs. When I won disability when Michael was 8mths old, I hired a nanny. I still barely ate, never bathed and the nanny specifically said that everyday she came in my house she checked to see if I was still breathing before she would bring in my child. Finally I got my hips replaced in separate surgeries in 2012. My ex andcI separated.
I was alone almost all of the time. I did the best I could to live. I barely saw my son. I became even more depressed. The pain improved a little. But I needed lots PT and would not get it. I continued to physically weaken. I got my opiates reduced. I had been on them around the clock since 2008. I was caught in a cycle I had no idea how to stop. My brother and his family relocated next door to assist me with my son. Then after a year they began severely limiting my time with him. I got angry and brought him home. They called CPS who discovered no findings. Although, at the time I was still very sick and sleepy. I did the best I could. My son was happier for awhile.
Fast forward to January 2016 and I misplaced my prescriptions for morphine er (around the clock) and oxycodone.My doctor refused to rewrite the prescriptions. I had been opiates so long I was terrified of more pain. Needless to say the withdrawal medications were not helpful and I was passing out and defecating on myself. I was alone. Michael was with his nanny. Because of the severity of the withdrawal pain, I overdosed on my muscle relaxers anwhile being with my ex-boyfriend who left me passed out. My mother found me and took me to the hospital. Needless to say that I begged my family for help. They stepped up but have zero perception of what I have been through. I am 2 months and 2 weeks sober. I don't desire the opiates. My brother and SIL have Michael and my entire family supports my recovery and reconnection with my child, albiet in a highly controlling, passive aggressive way. They would all prefer I give custody of him to them. He's stable and well there. Currently I am experiencing severe bouts of protracted withdrawal. I know my son would prefer to reside with me. But I have a long way to go and this situation has even more complicating factors. The bottom line being that I want do what is best for both of us, especially him. Again sorry for the length. Thank you for all responses.

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