Disappearing dad!!!

Marie - posted on 08/12/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )

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I have a four year old son who is my world. I got pregnant when I was 18 and the father would be around during the week and disappear on the weekends. I didn't let it get to me but during my labor he again disappeared from the room and didn't come back until after I started pushing and my labor was 8-9hours and he showed up for the last 15mins. After my son was born he decided to leave me and he disappeared. He never called, bought any kind of supplies, or even came to see him. When he turned 3 months old the father decided he wanted back in my sons life so I took him back because I knew how important it is for a child to know their father so I left my parents house and moved in with him and his dad. 2months after moving in e decided he didn't want to be with me so I was forced to move out of state because I didn't have any where to go and my parents had moved out of state. My parents came and picked my child and I up and we moved to the new state and started all over. I got a full time job as a housekeeper in a nursing home and started my CNA classes at night and caring for my son during the night and in between work and class, mind you every night I showed my under a year son a picture of his dad so he could see who he was and I called to make sure that my son got to hear his dads voice every night even if it was a min or two conversation. I wanted to be sure I was doing everything to keep my sons dad in his life. My sons dad never called him and he didn't visit for over 6 months. He finally called the day after his own birthday meaning my sons dads birthday. He called on the 24th of Oct and his birthday being the 23rd and asked me what yesterday was. I replied yes it was your birthday. He asked me why didn't I call and wish him a happy birthday and I simply stated that it was not my place to wish him a Happy Birthday! He starts getting emotional and says he misses his family and how he wants to work it out. My son not even a year old yet I told him if he wanted his family he would move down to where we were and work it out. He moved down and seen how hard it was to be a parent and didn't even last two weeks with us before he disappeared. After he left I remained focused on work and earning my CNA. My parents ended up moving again 2hrs north of where we were to be closer to my grandparents meaning I had to move as well because they were my babysitters and my home and I couldn't afford to move out or a babysitter at that time. However I still had classes to attend so I woke up and drove two hours went to class and then drove two hours back to be home with my son. When I finally finished my classes for my CNA I found a job closer to where I was living and got an apartment of my own with my son. We were getting established and were slowly able to start enjoying life. Thanksgiving and Christmas came and they were my sons first ones and his dad never called nothing. At this point I still was calling him every night trying to get him to talk to my son because I knew he needed to know his dad. I had found out the my sons dad had found a new girlfriend around the time he stopped answering the phone but yet I kept trying for my son. After new years called and again wanted his family back once more. I explained to him that he needed to prove it to me before we would move. He called and he came down to visit he finally acted like the dad my son needed and I felt horrible because my son didn't get to have his dad for his first Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and his 1st Birthday! I finally caved and he had won me and my son back and we moved back to the state he lived in and left all my family behind having me completely convinced that it was all their fault of why we didn't work out. So I came back and bought a trailer for the three of us and we all moved in together and at first it was great. I found a job really fast and started working and my son grandpa on his dads side started watching my son so I could work. I finally thought this is it its going to work. Then one night I woke up and noticed that my sons dad disappeared. My sons dad snuck out hopped a fence to his dads house to party with a bunch of females. Of course I got upset but still stayed with him. The next weekend he goes to a festival and meets up with his ex girlfriend and yet I still stayed with him because my son had his dad back. I found messages on his phone that were very vulgar and unsettling and still I stayed. I could only think so what if he doesn't want me fine at least my son has his dad. Then one day he comes home drunk and it wasn't out of the normal because he drank every night with his family and drank even more on the weekends. But this time he starts yelling and screaming at me for everything that had happened in the past blaming everything on me. Telling me that I was a bad mom and that I didn't deserve to have his child or a child at all. I had never stood up to him I just went with the flow but this time I didn't yell I simply stated that I was the best mom I could be. All of a sudden he smacks me in the face and knocks me into the wall and son witnessed it all. I had never kept my son from his dad or taken him away intentionally but that night I took my son in my arms and left. No man was going to make me look weak in front of my child. I am supposed to be my sons strength and if I had stayed my fear was that my son would take it as it being ok to hit someone or if your hit to do nothing. I couldn't stay so thankfully at this point my parents had moved back up here because they wanted to be sure that I would be ok. I went and stayed with them until my sons dad could get his stuff out of my trailer because I had paid for it. He moved in with his dad and had a new girlfriend in less than a week and it didn't phase me. What phased me was he lived 50ft from me and I couldn't handle him coming over rubbing it in my face and showing up un announced. I decided the best thing was to just give him the trailer and find a different place to live. I moved back with my parents for 6 months and finally began to feel relieved and during this time my sons dad didn't call didn't text and didn't visit my son and he only live 10 mins away. Is reason was that he was too busy to stop by or to call. I had given up on calling every night because it was keeping me attached to him and I needed to move on from him. I concentrated on work and my son and placed everything in Gods hands. Shortly after finding peace I bought another trailer for myself and my son. Then I finally started dating a new guy who treated me with respect and it just happened that I work with him. My new guy knew I had a son and didn't get to meet him for some time. My son had just turned two and he got to meet my new guy and my son fell in love with him. We never encouraged my son to call him daddy but we never discouraged it. My sons dad had no contact with us until he found out that I was dating again and then he started to play well I want to see you guys and be able to work things out. I didn't go back to him this time so he took me to court telling me that it was for visitations and custody, but when we got into the court room the only thing he mentioned was he thought he was paying too much for child support. He never asked about visitation or custody at all. The judge ended up raising child support. During this time my new guy and I ended things because my sons dad was calling everyday and just stressing me out because it wasn't about my son he was just mad because I moved on. Once found that we broke up he disappeared again! A few short months went by and my new guy and I decided that we still wanted to be with each other we just needed to remember not to let things get to us meaning me. Well my new guy and I are getting married and we kept the relationship a secret and my sons dad didn't even know so my sons dad didn't call and didn't visit at all. But now he wants to take me to court and get visitation for my son but he's not been around for the past almost 3 years and he's only doing this because he found out that my son has a dad in his life and it's not him. I don't know what to expect because he's not been around and now he finally wants to be a dad. What do I do? During this whole time my son had any doctors appointments in St. Louis which was a 3 hour drive from us but had the best specialists around for my sons Polycystic Kidney and the shape Doctor for his head. My son was catheterized when he was two weeks old due to the diagnosis and his head was misshaped by the use of the vacuum during birth. So, between working full time, class, specialist for his kidney diagnosis and specialist for his head we were very busy and had to make trips to St. Louis weekly for his helmet shaping and twice a week for his kidney. His dad never showed up for any of the appointments at all!!!

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