Discipline Tips For A Disobedient Teen?

Renee - posted on 09/13/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My son Tony snuck out last night to party we told him he could not attend and French kissed a girl our family does not approve him. Discipline tips?

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Natalie - posted on 09/15/2014

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A teen is most likely to do things you forbid them to do, it's better if you tell him why you don't think he should go to the party instead of a short no, and why you don't approve of the girl he likes but don't tell him he can't date her or he will in secret, and things that go on in secret are much worse. Tell him nothing good goes on at a party after 12 pm and that he must be home at 11 or 12 or he will have his tech taken away. This will show you or tell you what kind of decisions he makes. Also let him know that though he may want to go to parties that are past 1 or 2 it is not in his best interests and there will be consequences. It will also help discipline him by having him mow the lawn or do the dishes etc.

Shannon - posted on 09/15/2014

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I think its very unrealistic to tell him he isn't allowed to associate with this girl and expect him to listen. If you tell teens they can't be with a person that makes them want to be with them even more. Dressing immodestly and swearing is hardly grounds for a ban in my opinion.

Dove - posted on 09/14/2014

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Sneaking out at 13? Grounded... for a long time and only going to adult supervised activities. My kids all know that sneaking out is flat out unacceptable and will come w/ VERY harsh consequences. Not because I don't 'trust' them to be out unsupervised, but because ANYTHING could happen (accident, injury, whatever) and if I don't know where they are... how can I get them the help they may need?

If he's doing this at 13 already... something is going on somewhere that just being grounded will not solve. It sounds like you really need to sit down w/ him and find out exactly what is going on and why... and let him know what you expect of him and why... and what the consequences for that will be. He's certainly old enough to reason w/ and to help come up w/ his own consequences... maybe ask him how HE would feel if his teenaged child was out in the middle of the night and he had no idea where they were or what was happening to them.

Ev - posted on 09/14/2014

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Michelle is right. You need to be proactive in your child's life in making sure they know not only what you approve of as the right behavior but why some things are wrong to do such as sneaking out and why. Also, you were a teen once. Try to recall what your teen years were like and remember what your parents did when you broke the rules. Just telling a teen no about not being able to do something in some situations is not enough, they want a reason why. I am against sneaking out or around to do things. But I also told my kids when they reached their teen years what was expected of them and why. They still had their moments but if they broke the rules, consequences happened. I think it takes more than taking away the tech in this case. You should make the consequences fit what he has done. Not allowing him to go out for some fun things with friends for a duration should also accompany this. He should have to earn that back too.

Michelle - posted on 09/13/2014

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I guess you could take away all technology and ground him.
Have a talk to him about the choices he makes and the friends he is choosing.
Be careful because the more you forbid or disapprove of people the more likely he will want to be around them. Your job is to encourage him to know right from wrong and to be confident to say no to his peers if he knows something is wrong.
My son is the same age and has actually distanced himself from some boys he's been friends with for 6 years because they are now doing things he doesn't see as right. I have complimented him on how he has made the right choices in becoming friends with better suited people.

Renee - posted on 09/13/2014

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He is 13, she posted about their kiss on Instagram and tagged my son, and she dresses immodestly as well as using colorful language.

Michelle - posted on 09/13/2014

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How old is he? How do you know he kissed her? Why don't you approve of her?

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