Disciplining my daughter

Jessica - posted on 01/19/2016 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My daughters behaviour is dreadful at the minute. The only way she seems to behave is when threatened with a bare bottom spanking and then carrying it out. She is 7 years old. Does anyone else spank this way? How old do you think it's acceptable till?

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Dove - posted on 01/19/2016

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*Does anyone else spank this way? How old do you think it's acceptable till?

So basically you aren't looking for real input... just people to validate you...??

Did you miss where I asked what behaviors she is doing and what else you have tried or did you ignore that because you aren't actually looking for constructive input?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/19/2016

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Oh, I missed that last two lines...

NO, I don't spank that way, nor did I EVER spank that way.
It is NEVER acceptable to bare-assed beat your child.

Sorry, cannot validate borderline sexual abuse

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/19/2016

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Being ANY parent is not easy.
There ARE NO quick fixes, either. Of course grounding and removing privileges takes a bit more "work", because you, as a parent, have to make the consequence effective enough.

I spanked until my children were old enough to comprehend English. Stopped then, and started using more appropriate forms of consequences.

Bare-assed whippings? NEVER appropriate, in any way, shape, or form. That is escalating discipline into child abuse.

As far as folks assuming things...You're assuming that a child who has not been actively beaten on their bare ass will be a delinquent. This is a non factual assumption, which has been proven, time and again.

Dove - posted on 01/19/2016

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Never. It is humiliating and borders on sexual abuse.

What behaviors is she displaying and what ELSE have you tried to correct them?

Raye - posted on 01/19/2016

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Being a parent is not easy. And usually there is no quick fix. You have to be involved in what your kids are doing, and teaching them will take time and effort. To do it right, it usually will take more time and effort to start with, but once they learn, you should not have to punish them as much. With spanking, the punishment is over quickly which means they will probably forget just as quickly and will keep going back to the bad behavior longer than with other methods of punishment.

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Maria - posted on 01/19/2016

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The only way she seems to behave is when threatened with a bare bottom spanking... it means she is terrified of you, so totally wrong!
You are using spanking in a very dangerous way, it makes me so sad for her.
I'm not anti spanking but if it is the only tool "working" obviously your teaching is not working, if you ever made one. Spanking itself teaches nothing. In addiction to punishments you need to talk, teach, explain, showing unconditional love always, never make your children scared of you, never use spanking as blackmail, humiliation or your surge.

Dove - posted on 01/19/2016

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I'm sorry (not really) that you found my comment rude. I find borderline sexual abuse towards children a bit worse than rude.

Some 7 year old girls are already starting puberty (a bit early... but it happens)....

You have a 7 year old that bites...? That's a bit concerning.... as is the fact that you combat violence w/ violence. We had a mother on here just last week that used that method... and her teenager was about to be released from juvie for assault.

Jessica - posted on 01/19/2016

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I am not asking for people to agree or disagree with my methods I was simply asking if other spank their kids the same and up to what age they have done so. I was trying to be polite and just thank you as I found your manner so rude and judgemental with your words that I am abusing my child. Where I live I am certainly not breaking any laws as I don't mark my child or use instruments. I have tried grounding her, ignoring her bad behaviour & praising her good behaviour, time out in her room, removing toys etc but for biting and other behaviours I have spanked her bottom and it has worked.

Dove - posted on 01/19/2016

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That's nice... I have teenagers now and I'm glad they know that NO ONE has the right to touch their naked bodies w/out their permission.

I never even said I was anti spanking.... you apparently just assumed that. Bare butt spanking is disgusting and violating her right to NOT have someone touching her bare naked private parts.

Jessica - posted on 01/19/2016

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Sorry but I totally disagree with you. I would rather give my little girl a few taps with my hand on her bum now then have a delinquent teenager.

Jessica - posted on 01/19/2016

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Thank you. I do praise when she does anything nice or good but grounding removing of items etc just seem to cause me more hassle. A quick trip over my lap and a few spanks with my hand on her bare bottom seems to work more than anything but trying to keep them for serious misbehaviour. Being a single mom is not easy.

Raye - posted on 01/19/2016

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With any punishment, the child needs to be given clear instruction that the specific bad behavior will result in whatever punishment you decide. Then, when the child displays that behavior, you must consistently carry out the punishment every time. That is how she will learn. I'm not necessarily against spanking, but I think bare bottom on a 7 year old is a bit harsh. If you have to resort to bare bottom, then that punishment is losing effectiveness. Generally, appropriate consequences include taking away privileges such as grounding, removing game systems, tablets, phone, other electronic devices, from the child's room or not letting them use those things in the house at all, making the child do chores, clean their room, sweep the floor, load/unload the dishwasher, etc.

Children need boundaries. They need to learn manners and acceptable behavior. And they need to learn that their actions have consequences. She is going to continue to push boundaries, so you have to show her, every time, what her limits are and that the choices she makes to go beyond those limits will result in something she doesn't like.

You should also try to have some positive reinforcement. Catch her in the act of being good, and praise her for her good behavior, too.

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