Dislike Stepson

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Ev - posted on 08/26/2016

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It is still not an excuse to make him understand that you and dad have expectations on hygiene or other things in your home. My ex and his wives always had expectations though they were a bit much really for kids to be doing. The point is they expected them. I expected their step moms to at least try to be something to my kids be it a friend, mentor, or a loving mother figure. In the end all they got was treated like "Cinderella" basically. I know not all step moms are like that but still they did get that treatment.

Jodi - posted on 08/26/2016

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"my husband thinks he's since he's 15 and now in high school that his son needs to take responsibility for the little things like brushing his teeth and remembering to do his homework."

Your husband is right - he should be able to take responsibility for these things.

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Michelle - posted on 08/26/2016

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Well obviously you do need to have the discussion about hygiene since it's one of your gripes.
Just because you haven't been around for their younger years doesn't mean you have no say.
All you are doing is making excuses, what did you actually want from your post here? Justification that you have every right to not like your step children?
Sorry, most of the Mother's on here would have a step Mother to the own children and they would actually like it if the step mother liked their children.
You just have excuses for not being involved in your step children's lives instead of actually making the effort. That's the way it comes across the way you have written everything.

Ev - posted on 08/26/2016

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From the way your post reads though, that is not the impression it is making. All I am saying is that you are a parental figure in this house. You can remind your SS just as much as his dad can about keeping up with hygiene. There are other simple things that both of you can be working with each others kids on as well. Not all things need to be split to his kids and my kids. That can be taken as favorites with the kids if one of you lets their kids get away with things more or treats them differently about the rules. I stand by my words on what I said about a step mom and the same would apply to a step dad too. The perfect one would try to be more involved in the child or children. Unfortuneatly, that is not always the case. My kids did not get that from the step moms and even from their father. The step sibs were always favored.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/26/2016

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This really makes me sad. He knows you don't like him. I hate that you joined these 2 families without loving your husbands children as your own. This really hurts.

Ev - posted on 08/26/2016

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I am not a step mom persay....and in mentioning the word perfect--the perfect step mom is the one who would love or like the children that have come into her life and try to be some sort of good influence to them, teach them some new things, and help them to become the people they are meant to be with the understanding that some of their behaviors may be from the fact of the changes in family life and need to be dealt with accordingly.

Michelle - posted on 08/26/2016

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So you do treat the step child differently!!! You said that you are harder on your own children than him!!
My Mother was harder on my Brother and I than our step sisters and their Father didn't give a crap and let them get away with everything!
You just validated MY point and not your own.
ALL the children in the house have to have the same rules and consequences. It's very simple to have house rules that everyone has to abide by. That can even include personal hygiene. Sit down and write up some house rules. Also do the consequences for not following the house rules. That way everyone is on the same page and knows what will happen if they don't follow them.

Ev - posted on 08/26/2016

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No one said a thing about being perfect. But we are trying to say to a least try to get on the kids' levels and try to become a part of their lives in some positive way. There are ways to get them to do things if the parents (fathers and mothers) would do something about it. Instead they all seem to be allowing it to continue. But as the step parent you should be trying to embrace the kids and work with them. It is not their fault that their parents split and found other people. They did not ask for that either. The 8 year old may be acting out because of the new changes in his life because frankly he may not know how to say how he feels about things. The 15 year old may not like the situaiton either but he is more than old enough to learn to deal with it. All I am saying is that you need to embrace the idea that these kids are there in your life and you are either going to have to learn to deal with it and become more friendly with them or think about what is going on.

Ev - posted on 08/26/2016

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Ladies, I have to say that feeling you do not have to like or love the step children is quite shocking to me. I am not of a split home like Michelle but I can back up her statement about how she was treated compared to her step siblings as my own kids were in a similar situation with not one set of step mom and step sibs but two sets. The man has kids and that is part of the package. You knew this going on into the situation. Did you EVER try to get on the kids level and try to become a friend to them or anything? If not that is on you. And if you did not like the idea of the kids you should not have married the man.

Michelle - posted on 08/26/2016

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I never said you are obligated to love your step children but you have chosen a partner that has children. They come as a package deal, why would you want to be with someone who didn't like your children? No way would I be with someone like that. I would rather be single until my children left home if that was the case.
I have been a child as well as a parent in a split household, I think I have a bit more understanding. I have been the child treated differently to my "Step sisters" because they couldn't do anything wrong. I blame my Mother for having to be with someone instead of putting us children first.

Jodi - posted on 08/26/2016

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I'm sorry, you are at least obligated to like them. If you don't like them, you have no place marrying your partner and then bitching about not liking your step children.

Michelle - posted on 08/26/2016

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Wow, maybe you 2 should seriously rethink being involved with someone who has children.
I was with a man who though similar things about one of my children, I kicked him to the curb!!
Thinks about it ladies, it's not the actual child you have a problem with, it's the way they have been brought up, who is to blame for that? The PARENTS, one of whom you are married to.
Stop blaming the children and start blaming the parents!!!!!!
BTW: My husband loves my children like they were his own, yes they get on our nerves sometimes but that happens with your own as well. He has accepted their own personalities and helps me parent taking that in to consideration. Maybe instead of picking apart what the children do wrong you discuss with their Dad on what should be expected.

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