disrespectful 11 yr old

Nicol - posted on 04/05/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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what do I do with a disrespectful 11 yr step son. He dismisses things I say on a regular then turns it around to make it my fault he doesn't listen. I am so frustrated.



what to do, what to do?

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Nicol - posted on 04/05/2012

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well there are many incidents, but i think the hardest part sometimes is that dad will own his problems which makes it harder for me. Dad is not consistent with punishments which I feel gives him more fuel to disrespect me. What he likes to do on a regular is challenge my authority with a question.



Example: all of our kids are supposed to wash all dishes (if they makes them) after the 6:30. That is when I or my husband finishes washing dinner stuff, so if they make a snack or anything else they r to clean up after themselves. So last night we found out that he got his 2nd in school suspension and was explaining what happened to dad and since I took the VP's call I had to explain what was explained to me which he tried to interject. He was sent to timeout and then made a snack there after. Once he was done (and btw, he was way more concerned with having a snack than what transpired in school) he left the kitchen. Like always dad didn't say anything, so I proceeded to let him know the rules regarding dishes. He went in the kitchen and it sounded as if he washed dishes. When I gt up this morning there was the dish he used in the sink. So he literally went in kitchen, made some noise and walked out, but because it was not checked, both dad and I assumed it was done. So again, he dismissed what I said. This is pretty normal.



what am I to do when dad picks and chooses which incidents to punish?

Random - posted on 04/05/2012

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He needs to own his problems. He can't turn it around on you if you don't allow it.



I have a few general suggestions that might get you started. If he's speaking to you disrespectfully, walk away. Don't stand there and listen to him. You can say "I'll be happy to listen to you when you can speak respectfully."



Don't give orders or ultimatums unless you plan to follow through on them.



It would really help if you had a specific incident we could work from, like if he has to clean his room and ignores that direction.

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