Disrespectful 25 year old daughter

Crytal - posted on 08/24/2015 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My daughters boyfriend broke up with her and she is now acting crazy. She calls me at three in the morning acting like she needs to be on a 51/50. This has been going on for almost a year. This is not the daughter that I know. She is very disrespectful and rude to me. I think she is a lost soul and I don't know what to do. I had her in counseling, but she states the counselors are stupid. I pay for all of her living expense and I am tired of banging my head against a wall and having her treat the person that helps her poorly. She called me the other night while I was at work and said she felt horrible . I was asking her questions why and she became rude and got off the phone. She lives in another town so when I tried to call her back several times and she did not answer I got scared and had someone go check on her. When they got there she called me mad and called me a fu.. bitch and said she never wanted to speak to me again. I don't see any reason why a concerned mother would not call someone to check on her, considering that one time when I was at her apartment spending the night she passed out it the bathtub and we had to break the door down to wake her up. I don't know what is going on with her since she had this break up with this boyfriend, but I do know he was emotionally abusive. I am wondering if she has a drinking problem or a chemical imbalance. I don't know how to help her anymore because she is so mean. This is not the daughter I used to know. I am now stepping back, but I hope she does not kill herself

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/24/2015

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Maybe it would be best if she moved home? Got some physical, and mental, and emotional support from you? I know you are giving her more than anyone else. But maybe she is really lonely. Having an apartment alone may have increased that. I have no idea what would be the best thing for you both, but it is a suggestion. That way she is not living in an apartment that she cannot afford, and you are not shelling out extra money. She can come home, and pay a small amount of rent.

Jodi - posted on 08/24/2015

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Why are you paying her living expenses? She's an adult. She needs to stand on her own two feet. Especially if she is going to treat you like crap.

Secondly, I would stop answering her calls that are in the middle of the night or at work. As long as you keep answering them, she will keep doing it.

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Michele - posted on 06/05/2016

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Yes he is a boy friend. I guess her leaving is because we did not approve of her dating him when she was only a senior. And it got really bad with them being together before she was 18 and all the disrespect from both of them. She is one of those girls who is great until she is with a boys do then she is in love and it's all about them. And the two of them was the perfect storm.

Sarah - posted on 06/05/2016

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Michele P, this thread is pretty old so you might wan to start a new post. While I understand you are very hurt, your daughter is 18 and can make her own decisions. She obviously was planning on leaving. Is this guy a boyfriend? How did they meet? A child with a happy, healthy home life does not just pack up and block her whole family. What is behind her quick exit?

Michele - posted on 06/05/2016

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My daughter moved out the day before her 18th birthday with a 27 yr old. In with his family. Blocked all our numbers and doesn't contact us. My husband and I are devastated we were good parents and only wanted to best for her. We both cry everyday the pain is unbearable she was our only child. Please give advise

Dove - posted on 08/25/2015

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Good luck!

I agree w/ what the others have posted... if she is lonely or needs financial help she can move in w/ you and work and attend counseling and NOT be disrespectful towards you... or she can start figuring out life on her own w/out your financial assistance.

Michelle - posted on 08/25/2015

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Good luck Crytal. Hopefully she will wake up to herself.
Like I said, it's been a year, there's no need to still be playing the "Oh he left me" card.

Crytal - posted on 08/24/2015

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I actually just emailed her and told her I am going there Wednesday and we are going to talk and this is not going to continue. Thanks, we are on the same page

Michelle - posted on 08/24/2015

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Well if she is only wanting your money on her terms it's time to stop it.
Sorry that you feel she's in such a bad place but she needs to grow up. Let her know that you will stop propping her up and that she will need to find somewhere more affordable to live and support herself.

Crytal - posted on 08/24/2015

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I thought of that but she does not want to move home, she states she hates this town. I have been trying to help her move somewhere else but again, she knows no-one where she wants to move either. She does need to get out of the town she is in because her ex is there. The more I try to help her with suggestions, the meaner she gets stating "I stress her out". She does not know real stress yet, wait till all the bills are hers. I am going to have to step back and let her come around. My fear is that she will do something horrible to herself, thats why I called someone to check on her last night when she would not answer her phone. Funny how she could not answer her phone for me, but when they showed up she answered it to yell at me for sending them? This is also why I feel she is in a scary place. Who would get mad at someone caring and sending someone to check on them and then respond the way she did? I have not contacted her today, nor will I. I just fear that she will go over the edge and who will know. I am almost tempted to drive there and do a surprise visit.

Michelle - posted on 08/24/2015

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I agree with Little Miss. If she can't afford the apartment on her own then maybe she should move back home.
You shouldn't be paying for your living expenses and hers though. She's an adult and I think you need to show a bit of tough love for her to stand on her own feet. The breakup was a year ago, it's time she moved on with her life.

Crytal - posted on 08/24/2015

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She graduated with a BS in science Just this June. I was trying to help her so she can save money for graduate school . She does have a job, but doesn't make enough to pay her rent. She messed herself up because she was with this boyfriend . She based her life around him and it didn't work out. I know she is going they a hard time, so I was trying to help but I think this boyfriend breakup made her very crazy. The boyfriend isolated her so she really has no friends there. I tried to help her move, but she can't figure out where to move to. she calls me because she is upset, then gets angry . I think she is drinking now and that's why the calls happen at night and she is such a monster.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/24/2015

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Does she have a job? An education? I still don't understand why you are paying your adult daughters rent.

Crytal - posted on 08/24/2015

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Thanks for the response. I am going to go to counseling for myself. I have made her life too easy because of the guilt of being a single mom. Her behavior towards me has became horrible. I answer her calls because I feel that she needs help and thats what I always have done for people. My heart is broken over the way she is acting.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/24/2015

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I am sorry you are both going through this, but why are you paying or her apartment?

You definitely should cut off the behavior. She needs to grow up, get counseling, and move on.

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