disrespectful daughter

Rina Marie - posted on 08/05/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My daughter does not do anything but talk back and expects me to seve her on a silver platter. All day im picking up after her she leaves her trash and mess all around the house. I tell her to help out and put her things away when she is done using them. She replies ok hold on and never gets to it i feel my self repeating and repeating and nothing gets done. I take away privilges and she begans to cry am
Nd tantrum as if i hitting her idk wat to do any more she. Has been left with an empty absolutely cleared out and im so frustrated. Advise plz negative r positive im open

6 Comments

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Rama - posted on 08/06/2015

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Hi Rina,

If you are stay at home mom and have been taking care of all her needs since she was a baby I think she is big enough to be told that her help is very much needed in the house and without her you will not be able to function. At age 11 she will demand respect and not take orders. If everything else fails try to reach her emotional side, say you are tired, getting old :-) and if she doesn't help around you are too weak to do it alone. who knows might work.

Dove - posted on 08/05/2015

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She's 11... so you have the insane hormones to deal with on top of her not having firm guidelines and boundaries before now... So you've certainly got a battle ahead of you. You can do it though and best to do it NOW and stay firm.

Have a sit down w/ her and apologize to her for letting her get away w/ this behavior for so long, but that things are going to change. She is going to be responsible for taking care of her own things, cleaning up her own messes, and doing her own laundry (if dirty clothes around the house are one of your battles... you can teach her to do this if she doesn't already know). If she does not clean things up YOU will bag up her things and keep them until she has earned them back by doing extra chores (dishes, sweeping, whatever).

The calmer you can be... the better. She WILL probably react very badly and feed off of your irritation at her. If she is freaking out at you... tell her she needs to go to her room to calm down and you will talk it through when she can be calm. If she won't go to her room... you go to your room, lock the door, and relax.

Hang in there!

Rina Marie - posted on 08/05/2015

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Thank you at this point im willing to try any tips and advice i appreciate it. Im glad i joined i felt like i had no one to vent to.

Michelle - posted on 08/05/2015

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Trying to change it at this age is hard. She has had 11 years of you doing things for her.
You need to be consistent and not give in. Take away all technology (including TV) and set up a chore list. Let her know that if she doesn't do what's needed then she doesn't get to go out with her friends, go to after school activities or anything else that she enjoys doing.
You need to take control and be the parent. After this long it will take a lot of patience and time though.

Rina Marie - posted on 08/05/2015

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I have left her things out for days and my house will accumulate like a pac rat she is turning 11 and for instence today i told her lets hurry up and clean guest are coming. She replied im not cleaning anything,hmmm your not gonna see me doing that. U was furious but kept my cool and said your going to help me today. I clean up after you everyday but today your not going to sit around. And oh no she went wild yelling u ruin my life i hate you i hope u die ! She really acts as if im hurting her. I hav to record her behavior or she threatens me tbat she will have me arrested. She thinks she has control and i dont kno how to show h er that she dont because i feel like mayb she is taking over,

Michelle - posted on 08/05/2015

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You need to stop cleaning up after her. She knows that if she leaves it long enough, you will do it for her!
How old is she?

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