Disrespectful Fathers

Beatrice - posted on 05/24/2015 ( 15 moms have responded )

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I'm 33 with a 14 yr old daughter and her father is very very disrespectful to us. I'm a single parent and has been for 14 yrs and out of those 14yrs he only has seen her 5 times. He calls me out of my name and I mean everything saying my daughter is just like me (slut, bitch etc.....) we dont call him, we dont wont anything to do with him but he keeps calling us late nights with his disrespectfulness. All of this started when I put him on child support and he feels like he has the right to file her on his taxes and that's the only time he want to talk nice to me. I've changed my number so Many times and im tired of doing that. What can I do?

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Sarah - posted on 05/25/2015

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Hi Beatrice,
I am sorry you and your daughter are going through this. You and your daughter definitely do not need to be subjected to any kind of verbal abuse. This may sound stupid...have you tried talking to him about how he is acting? I sure you have.

Could this fall under harassment? You may want to write down in a notebook times he call...dates...a brief description of what he is saying to you and your daughter. So you have a record of it...

If this continues, maybe there is a way to get some sort of protection from him. I believe this could fall under verbal harassment. I know most people do not want to go the route of getting the law involved but sometimes it might be necessary. Especially if this maybe impacting your everyday life.

I hope this helps. I wish you and your daughter the best in the future. Stay strong!

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Beatrice - posted on 05/25/2015

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ERIN BRANT. When getting a restraining order do I have to file it in the state where he lives or where I live?

Beatrice - posted on 05/25/2015

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Thanks Dove. I no tax time is over but this is the only time of the year where he is nice to me & trys to talk me up on letting him file her. This is every year. I'm always forced to file early because he will use her info on his taxes like he has done so many other times without asking me and the IRS told me that they cant do anything unless I file her 2. I have already been audited last yr because he filed her 2 without asking me.

Erin - posted on 05/25/2015

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You should file taxes with her as a dependant. You will get many tax breaks that way! The fact that he is paying child support allows the government to see that you have her more than he does, otherwise there would be no child support to be paid.
Keep his texts and voicemails, but do not respond.
There are people at the family courthouse that can help you with your case. If you can't afford a lawyer, then tell them that and they will point you in the right direction, or at least give you a phone number to get the support you need. I live in Canada so I'm sure some of the laws are different. But unless you think your ex is dangerous, just ignore him, let him ruin himself with all of his nasty messages, and go find a courthouse and start asking questions. Someone will help you out of this stressful situation. If you believe that he is dangerous, then you need to go and get a restraining order against him with no contact allowed, and that will look very bad on him - so if you need custody, it will be much easier.

Dove - posted on 05/25/2015

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He doesn't have the legal right (she doesn't live w/ him and there is no court order granting him the right) to put her on his taxes, but if he does it before you do... you will both be audited. Aren't taxes already over for filing? Or did you both get extended?

Beatrice - posted on 05/25/2015

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Thanks Sarah C. I started doing that yesterday when he texted me calling me a fucking slut & hoe and talking bout my daughter is gonna be just like me. So, I forwarded the texts to my email and put them in a personal folder.

Beatrice - posted on 05/25/2015

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Thanks Erin Brant. I'm in the U.S. Use to live in Ala, that's where he is and now me my daughter moved to MS almost 3yrs ago. I even call the IRS and they told me that," If I dont file her myself then there's nothing they can do." He feels that he has the right to file her because he pays for child support, is that true?

Erin - posted on 05/25/2015

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I just read that you don't have a custody order. It would be easy to get one under your circumstances and you wouldn't need a lawyer. Keep as many notes as possible on the times he's calling and what he is saying. Better yet, ignore the phone and let voicemail record him. Then you will have evidence of his character making it easier for you to get full custody. But if your daughter is 14, she has a choice about where to live - his house, your house - so there is nothing he can do. I would go through with the harassment charge. I've been going through the same thing since my 14 year old daughter was 2 years old.

Erin - posted on 05/25/2015

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Do you have a court order saying that you have full custody? If so, then you can call the police and have him charged with harassment. And, the parent who cares for the child more is the one who claims the child on their taxes. What country do you live in?

Beatrice - posted on 05/25/2015

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Hi Jodi. There isn't any custody order. Him & I never been married and since her birth she has always been with me. He doesn't care weather he sees her or not.

Beatrice - posted on 05/24/2015

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Thank you. But we have no other family that we talk to/deal with. This is all about child support and filing my daughter on his taxes. We even moved one state away there is no talking with him. He never listens but always talking.

Laura - posted on 05/24/2015

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I'm very sorry to hear about what you are going through. It must be very tough having to deal with someone be so rude and awful to you and your daughter. It's always helpful to talk with family member about this-- maybe they have useful advice that can help you. I also recommend seeing a counsler (with or without him) to understand why he continues to bother you and call even if you ignore him. Next time he calls, try to get him to explain why he keeps doing what he does even if you are are done through. He should not be bothering you or your daughter like this. It is completley unfair. Again, I am very sorry to hear about this and I hope that you can find a solution for what you are dealing with. :)

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