Distant Father

Naomi - posted on 11/25/2012 ( no moms have responded yet )




I am divorced from my daughter's(2) father. I really wanted things to be civil, and have tired my best to fulfill this - but he is irrational and often times not very nice. Our daughters are 10 and 4 (both just turned, Sept & Oct, neither received a phone call, card, or anything else from their dad). Once I divorced him (summer 2011), he moved a 10 hour flight away without discussing it with me, warning me, talking to the girls - he just did it. I was actually starting a Master's degree in the fall and we had arranged that he would have the girls every other weekend, obviously he can't do that from 10 hours away. But by the time he told me, I had already paid (by a loan) and started the program.

Anyway, we also had an arrangement between us that he would pay a certain amount for child support each month. For the last 11 months, he has basically refused to pay. He told me I was selfish for asking; he told me to take me to court if I wanted him to pay, and other not very nice things... I don't know how I made it through the year with study and no job and no child support - but I did, thank God.

So, he came over here in April (without letting me know - he says he doesn't have to tell me his business). When he got here, some of the time me and the girls had plans already, so he would bow out and say he'd "squeeze" them in for a few days; so, for example, instead of having them for the weekend, he came up on the Saturday afternoon for a few hours. This is after not seeing them for months. Our eldest daughter didn't seem too bothered whether she saw him or not, but the youngest cried for about 45 minutes when he left - all I could do is hold her and it broke my heart.

Anyway, all through this no child support. As I said, he didn't call for their birthdays; our youngest phoned him week before last and he spoke for about 10 SECONDS and told her he would call her back - never did. Now he has now come back to UK (again with no call, no coordination with me for time with the girls) and I really don't want them to see him and I don't think he deserves their company. I asked me eldest if she missed him - she said not really (they never bonded, as he was always working away/cheating away). The youngest I haven't asked, but I don't want to upset her unnecessarily.

So, my question is this. Does a biological parent have an undeniable right to their children- even with no help with any maintenance whether it's physical, mental, emotional or financial? I am angry with his behavior, I admit that, but I don't feel I am making decision based on anger, but based on his lack of accountability and reliability and particularly the confusion he brings into my little one's heart when he sees her for a token 10 minutes, then disappears again.

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