Divorce affecting 11 yr old daughter very badly

Lori - posted on 05/18/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My daughter has been a joy since her adoption. I have 3 much older sons 23,26,28. My husband of 30 years recently left our home to be with another woman. I try very hard to keep everything that I can the same in her life and we are attending counseling. But recently she has began breaking rules and smarting off, being rude. Then to top it off my thoughtless husband brought his girlfriend to a family event I was not attending, so my daughter was unprepared for this ambush by Dad's girlfriend. We talked about it because she came home very confused and angry. I explained also to my husband that it was not only thoughtless, but self centered. He only moved out a couple of months ago. Since that day my daughter has been increasingly difficult. I have asked her Dad to maybe spend some time with just her and him. But he hasn't done that. I don't know how to cushion the blow that he has withdrew from the family including her. Besides counseling has anyone else been thru this type of situation? I try to get her to examine why she is angry and what is hurting her to help with the lashing out. I am trying to find balance in the house rules and dealing with her pain at missing her Daddy. Her older brothers all have stepped in to try to help, but it still isn't Daddy. He has already broken several days he was supposed to spend with her. After the first couple I don't tell her of the plans so she doesn't count on it. Any feedback would be helpful. Thanks

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Lori - posted on 05/18/2011

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I also feel that keeping the GF out of her life for now is protecting her in case it doesn't work out and she is attached to her

Charlie - posted on 05/18/2011

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I went through this as a child around the same age , counselling is a great idea I think the most important thing is to make sure she knows none of it is her fault make sure she knows she is still important to him , divorce can be rough on kids just try and be understanding if she feels angry try and find constructive ways for her to work out her anger , drawing , art , martial arts ect .

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