Divorce and children problems

Shanell - posted on 06/28/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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So this is a long story...I have a 5 year old daughter, the year she was born I had been married but separated for 2 years, I ended up sleeping with my husband and another man around the time of conceiving. I didn't find out I was pregnant with her until I was about 20 weeks . When I found out me and my husband were trying to work it out but it was going down hill. I thought the baby was the other mans. so I left my husband and tried to work it out with the other man. The other man said he didn't care if she was his or not he wanted to take care of her. when I told my husband I thought the other man was the father he tried to make me lose the baby. he would hit me when he would see me he would take my son away for weeks at a time. I didn't want him to have anything to do with me or my new baby. when I had her they asked me if I was married I said no I wasn't . the other man signed the birth certificate and that's how its been. now I am trying to get a divorce and my soon to be ex husband says my daughter is his and I kind of believe it cause her and my son look exactly alike.i know that when I sign those papers there will be a big possibility that he will tell the judge that my daughter may be his.....the question is how much trouble can I be in? I don't want to lose my kids I want to have full custody of both of them that's why I am getting the divorce. He is a threat to me and I think my kids are better off with me....what should I do? hes never tried to get a dna test in the past 5 years she loves her dad that has been there for her since day 1 .

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Michelle - posted on 06/28/2015

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That's all things you are going to have to deal with.
Hindsight is great but it doesn't change what is done.
Get yourself a lawyer and they will be able to tell you the best way to handle things but it needs to be sorted out now.

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Rene - posted on 06/30/2015

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I hope I'm posting in the right place. I need advice. I am from South Africa Gauteng. I am married with a 21 month old baby girl. I have done some research and believe that I'm right in saying that my husband is abusive emotionally and an alcoholic. He obviously doesn't agree with that and if I try to discuss it with him he goes balastic. Once before things got so out of hand that I left with my baby and went to my mom for a few days. Thereafter we had a long talk but like every other time it only lasted for about 3 days that things were better. He drinks on a daily basis and worse when we have conflicts. I work for myself but my business isn't doing toon well as I'm looking after my baby. He is thus the main money maker. However I do everything else at home to help. He gets home though and says that its unfair that he has to work and not get to spend time with my baby. However he goes out and drinks daily and lies about it. My point is that he could spend that time with her instead of going to drink? I can't stand the thought of him getting any custody of her because he can't go 5 Min without leaving her alone either on the beach or the bed or just passes her to anyone when he's on the phone. He is always busy on his phone (which is also time that he could spend with her) and once she drank his tablets while he was standing right next to her. If we do get devorced how do I go about to restrict him having any custody at all. Is there a law that will be on my side as he's an alcoholic? The time I went to my mom I had to struggle to take her from him....He was so drunk and wanted to drive with her...He then got so mad because we tried to stop him that he bashed a plug into the wall with her in his arms....that after grabbing her out of bed while she was asleep. She was only about 9 months old at the time....and that wasn't the only time?

Shanell - posted on 06/28/2015

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thank you for your advice. its an overwhelming situation to be going through. Makes me really nervous, kind of scares me to have my daughter find out the truth if he really is her biological father. she will be hurt. my son is scared she will be hurt. as of this point he is angry at his dad , he doesn't even want to see him....very very overwhelming situation.

Shanell - posted on 06/28/2015

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okay but my daughter doesn't know him at all. its my own fault if he is the father because I should've done that from the moment she was born. I just don't want him to try to take them away from me. it worries me. and I don't want to get punished by the judge for not having him sign the denial of paternity and for denying that I was married.

Michelle - posted on 06/28/2015

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You need to get a DNA test so you can know for sure.
Then get yourself a lawyer and establish custody and visitation for both children.
Just because he is a threat to you doesn't mean he will harm the children so don't punish the kids because your marriage didn't work out.
Also if you have court ordered visitation then you can involve the police if he doesn't give the children back.

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