Divorce and new significant others coming into picture

Jennifer - posted on 08/14/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have been legally divorced now for 2 years. The same week my son and I moved out my ex husband had a gf move into our home. Well, since 2012 there have been numerous women in and out of relationship with my ex. The gf he has now has been an on again off again gf for almost a year now. Well I am always trying to keep peace when gf is around I always make sure to say hello and good bye. But lately I have just been feed up with this every other week them breaking up and hearing my son come home and daddy and gf broke up again. Then next week momma gf was there with her kids. So now my son has just started football mind you the gf and my ex do not live in same town and the gf has one of her sons on team. Well I am constantly ignored by ex and gf I never get a hello nothing. But I always make sure I try to be polite. Last night was first time it got to me bad. I was ignored in front of my son. The gf keep coming up to my son during his practice and rubbing his head and stuff. And for some reason it was really bothering me. I felt as if she was doing this on purpose to get under my skin. To see some other woman touch my son while she can't even acknowledge me was getting me really upset. Am I wrong for being upset? Any advice?

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Jodi - posted on 08/14/2015

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I have never even met my ex's new wife......and they turn up to my son's games. They don't acknowledge me. Ever. Either of them. I couldn't care less. You actually need to stop letting it get to you. It is something that is entirely out of your control. When something is out of your control and it causes you any level of stress, anxiety or upset, you are wasting precious energy and emotion on something you have no say in. I'm not saying you are wrong for being upset, I'm just saying you need to get past it. And only time will help with this.

In the meantime, make sure you continue to educate your son about respectful relationships. One stable home is all he needs for him to grow up understanding that. If dad is not modelling stellar abilities to maintain a healthy relationship, he can get those examples elsewhere.

Raye - posted on 08/14/2015

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The parents and their significant others should be able to get along and be civil toward one another. It is not crazy to expect them to acknowledge your existence. And it could cause problems with the son if they continue to shun you. He could get confused about which parent he should be loyal to or how to please each adult. The adults should act like adults and not (intentionally or unintentionally) force the boy to chose who he loves or who can love him.

I would recommend speaking to the ex to say that you feel a brief acknowledgement should be given. If they aren't big enough people to do that one thing, then you should still try to be the bigger person and continue to be polite to them. Show your son the best example of how a parent should act, and he will know how much you love him.

Anastasia - posted on 08/14/2015

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I don't think it's wrong to be upset at all. The fact that she isn't even showing common courtesy is straight up disrespectful. It is however her prerogative, and all you can do is either tell her how it makes you feel, or show your son you can be the bigger person, and keep trying. The mama bear instinct is powerful, and it's difficult to resist when anyone is touching your child. Especially when they clearly show no deference, or respect about the fact that the child is not theirs. Best advice I can offer is keep being polite, and lead by example. Your son will take cues from you. Show him how to be a good person.

I'm sorry things are crappy. Hang in there! :)

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