divorced 4 years never been away from 16 year old daughter her dad bribed her w a new car she moved w him 1 week ago. ive done all the buying for her im lost

Why - posted on 03/18/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Please help married 17 years he cheated last 4 years my 16 year old daughter he has bribed her w a new car so he don't have to pay child supp. She has been so disrespectful for months to me. She moved 1 week ago won't text call or visit me. I've bought everything for her all her life. He just don't like paying me child support. He's never wanted her. I'm devastated please help. She got a new phone won't give me the number.

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Raye - posted on 03/19/2015

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Well, the first thing that jumped out to me was that he couldn't bribe her with a car so he doesn't have to pay child support. If you have custody and visitation agreements, and child support in place, then you all need to abide by that. He can take you to court to change custody and your daughter's opinion will be taken into consideration. If she wants to live with dad, they may rule to let her. In that case, since she's not with you, then child support may be reduced or dropped, because he will have to start paying for food, clothes, increased utilities, etc., and your expenses should be reduced without her there. So, maybe both your daughter and your ex might learn that the grass is not greener on that side. If it's a mistake then they may just have to learn that mistake the hard way.

Secondly, Jodi is right. If you told her to get out, she called your bluff and left, so you are not blameless in that scenario. When I was a teenager, my mom and I would fight all the time. One day, she was really angry and she said "when are you going to move out?" So, I found an apartment and moved out. Then she was crying and all like "you don't have to move, you're my baby". Well, too little, too late. What you say does have an impact on your daughter.

Thirdly, I'm sorry for the recent losses you've experienced (your uncle, your child, and your womb). I'm sure you are overwhelmed right now with emotion, and maybe the time apart from your daughter can help you focus on healing yourself.

Jodi - posted on 03/19/2015

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Oh, you also can't dictate who answers your question or gives advice. This is a public forum. We aren't here to tell you how right you are, we are here to give advice to help you, and sometimes, that means you have to hear things you really don't want to. If you just want a bunch of people to tell you that you did the right thing and your ex is an asshole, you have come to the wrong place.

Jodi - posted on 03/19/2015

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Seriously? I was offering some more constructive ways you could have managed thing and could manage things in the future. I am also offering to help you see some things from her point of view - which could be very helpful. I'm sorry, but you TOLD her to pack her bags and leave. Put yourself in her shoes for a moment. From the perspective of a 16 year old, you made it very clear YOU didn't want her around when you told her to pack her bags and call her dad. Sure, you may not have MEANT it that way, but that's the way she heard it and perceived it and interpreted it.

As much as I am sorry for what you have been through, this isn't actually about what you have been through. If you want your daughter to have respect for you, you really need to step back and look at what you said to her and how she may have perceived that. Just because you don't think it was a big deal doesn't mean it wasn't a big deal to her.

I work with some kids who have had parents say this to them AND have actually packed and left and will not longer have contact with that parent. Telling your child to pack a bag and call the other parent or pack a bag and leave is quite extreme. It can also be a deal breaker to a child. It sends a much stronger message than you could imagine.

Right now, you need to give your daughter some space. You mention she hasn't texted or called you at all, have you tried in any way to reach out to her? If so, how? Maybe you need just to back off for a few weeks. She is probably licking her wounds too. Maybe some space for both of you is not such a bad idea - you sound pretty angry still too.

Why - posted on 03/19/2015

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I don't need your blaming me attitude Jodi. Keep your trash to yourself. You don't have a clue and for sure no heart! Pitiful.

Why - posted on 03/19/2015

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No u have no clue. She's treated me like dirt for 4 months I let her walk all over me for the last time. I dent yell like mad I just asked if she would come in the living room I had just had a hysterectomy 3 days ago. I'm tired of getting the blame. I've bent over breads for her since she was born. Plus I just lost my uncle on the Sunday after my surf on Fri he was 54 heart attack. It doesn't matter she's prove to me in one week I've never meant nothing to her. And you can say what you want but I know in my heart I did nothing but put up a a dirty attitude from her that I didn't deserve. This is the last negative post like I needed to hear. Its done and over but let me tell you I guarantee she will need her mom who's been here for her all these years. He was to busy whoring around. Its bribing I don't care what you think. You don't have a heart for a single mom and a guilty steroid freak cor an ex!!! StAy off my page!

Jodi - posted on 03/18/2015

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OK, so you yelled at her and offered to pack her bags for her and send her to her dad's house. You wouldn't let her take her car. So she went and dad got her a car. Basically, all of this because she goes to her room and shuts her door. What do you want her to do? Maybe rather than yelling at her to come to where you are, you could have tried a different approach. Like knock on her door and invite her to have a coffee with you....where you could then talk about it calmly. Or let her have her space then have a chat with her at dinner. There are many other ways you could have handled this. But she called your bluff. This wasn't dad bribing her, this was you threatening her and her calling your bluff by the sounds of it.

Why - posted on 03/18/2015

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She comes in from school every day goes straight to her room shuts the door. I yelled and asked her to come in where I was. I said if your that miserable a me pack ur bags and call your dad. But you are not taking your car I bought u. She said ok he has been digging at her for a while he is supp to have her every other weekend most of the time he calls her says he has plans she can stay the next week. I've done nothing I've never yelled at her called her names nothing. I just spent 200 on her a new ball glove spikes and batting gloves. Never said thank u. Not one word

Why - posted on 03/18/2015

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I text her she is so smart ellic to me. We were best friends never was apart his wife he cheated a she has bribed her also. I just had a hysterectomy. Last Friday and Sunday we found my uncle dead 54 yrs old massive heart attack. She never spoke to me at memorial or my mom. We have never told her no we have have her everything she's wanted. I have done nothing to deserve this. She won't tell me when her ballgames are. Do I try and move on. I'm so lost she just lives 5 miles away. My ex has never spoke or text me he's got so much guilt from cheating. Please help

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