E.V. - posted on 06/06/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )
I have been a single parent for 10 years now following a nasty divorce with my ex-husband. While I've dated, the last thing on my mind was to get remarried or have another child after that experience. Then came along my significant other whom I fell in love with and changed my mind on both marriage and having another child, as we are expecting. When I got involved with my partner, I laid all my cards out on the table that I am divorced with a tween. He helped his ex raise her son from a prior relationship, but I did not know their actual relations until 2 months later when the drama started for he assumed that I knew the boy was not his son. I had to be his rock and witness him break down every month because of his ex over the boy while dealing with my ailing stepfather's health due to cancer. Two weeks after my stepfather passed we got into our first real hurdle as he had a mental breakdown and within the same 24 hours professed to wanting to be each other's last love then telling me he wanted to be alone to figure out his life as things were going "1000 miles per minute" for the ex started trouble over the boy. He broke my heart, as I was never able to comprehend how you can want to be someone's last love one minute and be alone the next all within the same 24 hours. Mind you we were already talking about the future together of moving in together and starting a family. Time passed and right before Christmas we found out that I am expecting. It was through the first trimester pregnancy screening that I found out I contracted something from him, which he brushed off and did not advise the ex about (he said he's only been with the two of us). He picks up the boy twice a month for a weekend, the boy has his own room in his house and he runs to the boy. I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant, categorized as high risk and have been going through this pregnancy mainly by myself and feel like it's not fair to me or our daughter, his first biological child to be treated like second class citizens. The ex contacted me to inquire about how she should handle their relationship with our daughter coming. I think that he can still be a part of the boy's life with the proper respect by the ex, but that he should go home after spending time together instead of sleeping over and having his own room when we are about to embark on the beginning of our new family. The ex is also in a new relationship where she lives with the boyfriend, so I think the boy should be getting to know her new suitor if they are living together and he may become the boy's stepfather in the future.
I don't know if I'm over-reacting with the increase in hormones but I almost feel like I'm better off alone since the baby and I are not a priority to him and he feels that he has to choose between the boy or me and our child, which he turned his back on the baby and I three times already for the boy due to his ex. A side note is that this is a long distance relationship, for I'm in New York and he's in Maryland.
How would you respond and/or act if you were in my shoes?