Berls - posted on 01/05/2014 ( 26 moms have responded )
Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I found out I was pregnant in July, and my husband immediately started doing things that could potentially cause me to miscarry. He refused to clean cat litter, made me do a lot of strenuous physical activity and yelled at and physically pushed me down when I wanted to stop, insisted that we go to hot springs (I absolutely refused and we had a major argument - he was physical again as a result), wouldn't get a blood test and lied about his blood type when I was bleeding a few days later, and other things. He's been abusive our entire relationship, but once he did it while I was pregnant, combined with the other things he was doing to sabotage a healthy pregnancy, or even a pregnancy that would survive, I left him. I got a Uhaul, called my parents, and moved two states away to have a healthy and supportive environment for the duration of my pregnancy and to raise my child. I found a job within one month. I filed for separation within one month. I've been attending domestic violence counseling, reading parenting books, putting together evidence binders for the inevitable high-conflict court and custody battles (he is a narcissist - so is his mom), and anything else I can think of to prepare for my child's arrival and our long road ahead to safety from this maniac and his family.
The problem is, his parents live in the same town as my parents, so I basically left him to move to the same town as his abusive mother and manipulative father. It's still an improvement, because I am away from him and in the presence of a support system, but it's presented a whole new set of obstacles.
I'm nearly 30 weeks now, and since I left him and moved home, he and his family have taken to harassing my entire family in any way they can, delivering garbage, physically stalking my mother, hiring a "private investigator" to harass me (I have my doubts that he is actually a PI as he seems to be more focused on intimidating and harassing me and my family, which doesn't seem very "private" or "investigative"), vandalizing my car, sending harassing emails on the weekends when I can't contact my attorney, neglecting to handle basic responsibilities on the home I own that he is living in, therefore costing me financially, filing legal motions to dismiss my separation request based on things he knows to be false, and trying to serve me with his own legal motion two states away so that I will have to travel while pregnant, etc.
Of course, his parents are convinced they are going to somehow have me proven unfit and get my child. I don't think they have a snowball's chance, but if they want to bring the full crazy parade to the court, there is nothing I can do to stop them.
All this to say…I do not want my child to have his last name. No matter what he does, I am eventually going to be granted a divorce. I am considering filing for a restraining order even though he is two states away, but I'm still afraid of the same type of retaliation I was afraid of when I lived with him. Only now, I'm afraid he will hurt my parents, too, and in a few more months, my child. His parents are big NRA gun people (I'm not anti-gun, but these people are nuts), and I know he has a gun too. I'm just scared to upset them too much more than I already am by leaving this marriage and taking their unborn grandchild. They have done nothing to support me in this pregnancy, they have caused as much stress and fear as they can without breaking the law. I am even considering changing my own name and moving somewhere they can't find me after my child is born and the divorce is granted, it's just very complicated.
Does anyone have any knowledge of situations like this? I am still married, I will be married, possibly separated, when I give birth (if we can ever actually get to a court date without him obstructing it), but I do not want my child to have his name. He has tried numerous times to terminate this pregnancy. Any knowledge you guys can give me would be great.