Carrie - posted on 04/14/2016 ( 12 moms have responded )
I have been dating this 30 year old man for over a year. He's been a bachelor up to this point with the occasional g/f here and there.
He and I connect on so many levels. We have a lot of fun together.
I also have two kids. And they are with me half the time and with their father half the time. When I have them, He seems to "want space." and I understand to an extent. People need their space. However, it seems that the more they're with me, the less he wants to be around... and it hurts me. But when it's just him and me, he's very excited and gung ho about doing things. I FEEL like he wants me but not them. And I obviously know that THAT isn't going to fly long term. (and I'm not faulting him...he is who he is)
He has told me that he wants to marry me and he sees himself with me full time, but nothing is moving in that direction. In FACT, in the beginning, he told me I could live with him, and a couple months later told me I needed to find a place to live because he didn't want his parents to be upset that a girl was living there (they're not super conservative..so THATS not this issue).
When he tells people about me, he lies about where we met because he's ashamed that they're going to "judge" him. Technically, we met at a bar-- it was karaoke night. we hit it off. bada boom bada bing. He tells people we met at church. I don't understand why I have to live his lie? he's very concerned with how other people view him. He won't even (after A YEAR) invite me to work dinners.... He's afraid im going to say something to embarrass him. I have social skills, so I know that there are things to say to people and things NOT to say.
I love him, but I'm starting to get the idea that He's just not ready for such a large commitment, but he doesn't want to end it either. I haven't wanted to end it either until recently. I just don't want us to waste our time... I'm not getting any younger and I'd like to establish a family again.
He and I had a conversation last night and I just laid it all out there. I was level-headed and not emotional. All of this was fueled by the fact that I told him my kids would be joining us at his parents' for his bday dinner and his response was, "Really??"
He told me that he gets nervous that my kids will act up in front of his parents. (wtf?) My kids are so good (they're 8 and 5) but they're also KIDS.
can someone please help me out? I'm so confused. I think I know the right thing to do but want to hear it from someone else's perspective. (Please only helpful, uplifting responses).