Kjthompson910 - posted on 11/28/2012 ( no moms have responded yet )
Hi, my name is Krystal and I am 33 years old. I have a 13 year old son, and a three month old son. When i was told the last 10 yrs that there was no possiblity of ever becoming pregnant after my first born, over time i excepted that and worked toward getting healthy.
In the life events i went through a divorce and remarried. After dating for almost 3 years..we decided to get married and the man i married understtod that i was not able to have children. So we began our life, he started college, i started a job and he helped me raise my son, and they became buddys i guess you could say.
Then last January we learned that a miracle had happened...we were expecting! At first i was in dis~belief and felt like something was wrong or would go wrong and i would lose the baby...but the baby was great and growing and the only bad thing during the pregnancy was that i was high risk and had gestational diabetes...and then....at 30 weeks started going into preterm labor.
Was hospitalized three different times, was given the steroid shots at 32 weeks and they also gave me magnesium...then august 6th our baby was delivered at 4 am. He had a low heart rate due to his oxygen being limited during the birth ...where as i should have had a c-section, i labored too quickly and there was no time. The doctor had to break his collar bone to save his life..and he was hypoglecemia due to a high sugar i had in that hour. Before he was rushed off to the NICU he reached out for my finger and wasnt able to hold him till the next day.
He was on tubes the first three days and then room oxygen for a week, he had a cranialultra sound at some poitn to check his brain b/c he wouldnt take enough formula to satisfy the pediatrician in the nicu.......his total stay was four weeks and a very stressful four weeks.
Learned i wasnt able to breast feed due to my medical issues with pcos. I was devestated but pushed it to the side to focus on our baby.
The pediatrician explained upon releasing our baby that when we went home ...it would be very challenging and trying but to love and hold him b/c nicu babies often require a anormous amount of attention...and not just b/c he was a nicu baby but bc he was 6 weeks early.
So we came home and it was great, i was hardly ever tired and i was checking on our baby alot and holding him and getting a routine down...the nicu had helped since they kept such a tight schedule. Everything was okay. I feel things were going great.
Then 2 weeks ago i feel i changed:/ I fall to pieces at anything that would and goes wrong...even the smallest things, i dont feel i am good enough for my husband at times ..like i wish i looked better ..(i know its crazy) i have a loss of appetite, i get angry over things that usually wouldnt bother me, i feel a sense of hopelessness ...and the only solice i get is holding my three mth old son. I reserached the ppd and it says you will not want to hold your baby or be around and that hasnt happened and it scares me that if i am suffering from ppd when will it happen...i know my husband loves me i know he is there but i feel sad for days and then im okay for awhile...i dont know if anyone has felt this or i am just overthinking and making something out of nothing?