Do I help or butt out?

Catherine - posted on 07/27/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My sons friend had a fallen out with his parents....he came over and ended up staying with us for 5 weeks,during which time he said that he was texting his parents. On the 5th week I told him to go home and spend time with his family. His parents never contacted me, they did however come to my home and picked him up, then later that day dropped him back. He asked his parents for some money, they said no. His phone was disconnected. He is almost 18. He tends to starve himself,I have to really beg him to eat. His stomach caves in, instead of out. I believe he suffers from depression and low self esteem. He says he really likes staying with us. From what I know of him, he's a good kid. Spends a little too much time on Instagram and twitter (lol). He was raised within a Jehovah's Witness family, my family isn't. He told his parents Dec 2012 that he no longer wants to be practicing. My concern is, 1- his weight, as far as I know, his parents aren't doing anything to help. 2- his depression, again his parents no help. He is at his home for a few hours then asks to come over. What can I do to help? I want to invite him back to live with us so I can help him, but I don't want to step on any toes. I have seen his parents and said hi, but that is as far as it goes. Lately, his parents have been dropping him off at my home and picking him up...saying nothing to me. That's when I said enough, you have to go home and stay there. Now I'm feeling like I'm letting him down, he has been giving signs that he needs help, should I help out and have him back and get him help, or do I leave him at his home......if something happens to this kid I would be heartbroken - I can see that he is 'calling' for help.. Please help me, thanks Catherine

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/28/2013

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Help him. I would definately give him a new place to live at your home if that is what everyone wants, but he should be contributing to the household. Him getting a job, can help raise his self esteem.

Dove - posted on 07/27/2013

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If he's almost 18 and you can afford to feed him.... I'd let him choose if he wants to stay with you or not. You do probably need to have a conversation with the parents about it... just let them all know that he is welcome to stay with you.

As far as for him.... he would have to follow the same rules as if he were your son.. school (or work), chores, etc... whatever. Talk to him and get to know him and see what you can do from there.

Crista - posted on 07/27/2013

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I would call the parents and ask them for coffee or something at a time that none of the kids were around. There's no way I could have a child in my home without talking to the parents. They seem to be fine with it as they keep taking him back to your house, which i find strange. I may ask them how they feel about everything and what they feel about your allowing him to stay at your house. Who knows what people think?! I can't imagine just dropping my child off for weeks somewhere and never talking to you about it. My mom took in my boyfriend even though she was very strict about it all. His dad and he fought constantly but at our house he found peace and thrived. She spoke to his dad and he told her he was done with him ( he was only 16) so she took him in. Kudos to you for helping!

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Catherine - posted on 07/29/2013

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Thanks everyone for your suggestions, What ive decided to do for now, it let him stay at home just to see if anything can be resolved. then go from their. He is always on my mind. I will have to text him to make sure he is ok.

Catherine - posted on 07/27/2013

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Hi Crista.....I too found it very strange that his dad picks him up and drops him off....without a word to me. And also the fact that there was no mention for contributing food,expenses. ( which I don't care about). Honestly, I feel like I'm being used by the parents, but I want to help him. Like I said, this I'm worried about his health. With him almost 18, my son convinced me not to call his parents bc of their age.

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