Do I keep this secret?

Sara - posted on 01/28/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My ex husband and I had been together for ten years. Two years into our relationship, before we were married, we had broken up for one month. I had sex with another man ( a close friend) one time. My ex husband and I had gotten back together. Three weeks later, I discover I was pregnant. My friend and I do the math and both agree that he wasn't his. I continue my relationship with my ex husband and we get married. I don't stay in contact with my friend.

Fast forward ten years I find my friend on MySpace. We talk and are thrilled that we find each other. He eventually posts a picture of his nephew. I almost fell over as he looked like my sons twin at the age of 4! I immediately call my friend and tell him! We are at a loss.

We have been trying to figure out what to do for three years. Both dad's have similar features so there has never been any questions. My ex husband is a very angry man. I know that if I tell him, he will not consider my sons feelings and will just disown him. My ex also pays child support and I would have to pay it back.

My friend and I want to make this all right, but we don't want to hurt my son.

Has anyone ever been in this situation?

6 Comments

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Dove - posted on 01/28/2013

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DNA test and be honest if this other man is the father. Your son deserves to know the truth.

S. - posted on 01/28/2013

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I agree with cecilia, if it turns out your friends is the father then your son and ex need to know the truth regardless.

Cecilia - posted on 01/28/2013

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Yes if the DNA tests out as his child, the child needs to know. I agree with your friend there. There is no sense telling your son until you know. As i said the easy way and the right way are two different things. There will always be what-if's. What if the ex's family says they want nothing to do with him. But what if they say they love him and it doesn't matter? Yuo'll never know and neither will we. You just have to do what is right.

Sara - posted on 01/28/2013

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My friend dosent want to know unless we decide we would tell him. He has always wanted kids and he has none.

Would you tell even if you know he may never see his father and his family again? My son has a brother who is his dads. I know that he would continue to see him but not the other one.

Cecilia - posted on 01/28/2013

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Take the friend and the son to get tested. It isn't that hard to do and the son doesn't need to know what you're doing. Then if he is the father, then the son has the right to know his real bio father. Which means you're probably going to need to tell ex. Sometimes doing what is right isn't the same as doing what is easy.

S. - posted on 01/28/2013

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First thing you need to do is find out for sure if your friend is the father or not there's no point upsetting everyone if its not true. If he is your friends I think you do need to do the right thing by everyone.

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