Do I or don't I tell my son the news I just learned???

Sarah - posted on 07/13/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My son is 13 and has been raised by who I thought all along was his bio father until this past week. I had always wondered about one man in general but thought it would be best to put those thoughts in the back of my mind for everyone's sake involved..We recently connected and this gentleman saw my son's pictures, calls me and tells me there is no doubt in his mind this is his son...we have both agreed that it is best not to tell him but @ the same time I feel so guilty and I am scared that my son will hate me if he doesn't learn the truth until later in life, if then. Obviously, a dna test would be done before to confirm. Any suggestions, on to tell the truth or continue living life as we have always known it?

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Sarah - posted on 07/13/2011

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Thank you ladies for your thoughts...yes, there is a way to do a DNA test without my son knowing and of course I would have that done before any decisions were made..it's just not everyday that a man tells a woman, "that is my child," it's normally the other way around. It's a tough situation all around regardless which way I choose to go...

Brianna - posted on 07/13/2011

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is it prossible to do a dna test without your son knowing ur doing a dna test? this way if u wrong then u son isnt mad

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Obviously get a DNA test before you say a word. I'm a big believer in telling the truth. Personally I think you should've dealt w/ the truth (or potential truth) 13 years ago, but there's no going back in time. Good luck!

Katherine - posted on 07/13/2011

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I agree with Christy on waiting for the DNA too. Hopefully "bio" dad doesn't spill the beans.

Christy - posted on 07/13/2011

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Keep on for now. When you are mentally ready, get a DNA test before (if you choose to that is) say ANYTHING. There are going to be serious consequences for telling him, be prepared for that. The man he thinks is his bio dad would have to be told as well. Be prepared. THis is truly a hard call and I can't tell you what to do. He is 13 and this is also another thing to contend with on top of everything else. He will need the truth eventually since the actual bio dad knows. He (bio dad-if he really is) may change his mind and tell him before you can and then all hell will break loose.

Katherine - posted on 07/13/2011

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You need to tell him, he has a right to know. If he does find out later he will never forgive you.

The same thing happened with my dad. My grandma never told him that my grandpa wasn't his real father until he found out on his own. He had found his birth certificate at 18. Then MY dad didn't tell US until we were 16-17. I was mad as heck. I wouldn't speak to him.
It's best to tell him now.

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