Do strangers that talk to,touch or comment on your children annoy you?

Angela - posted on 03/31/2010 ( 152 moms have responded )

2

20

0

My son was born 6 weeks early as I had pre-eclamsia he weighed 4lb 14. He had to stay in special care unit for 2 weeks and when he came home he was still only 4lb15, since then whenever I am out with him people ask how old he is and always say that he's really small for his age. I t's really beginning to annoy me and my boyfriend, i feel like asking people how old they are and when they respond telling them they're short, fat, thin etc. He's now 5 months old and its still happening.

Also I am getting increasingly annoyed by people who think its acceptable to tickle his cheeks or touch him in any way. When did it become acceptable in society to walk up to a complete stranger and invade their personal space?

Friends and relatives say I should be flattered that people want to talk about him as he is really beautiful(even if I am bias!)

I was just wondering if there are other mum's out there who feel the same or am I taking it to heart too much?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Yvonne - posted on 04/11/2010

82

8

0

I really didn't want to read any more replies on this topic,as so many of you seem to agree with the original post,it makes me so angry the way you are all being so namby pamby about it, people like babies!! they like to talk to and touch them they are only being friendly, SO what if they look a bit grubby SO what if they have a cold,are you all going to wrap your kids up in cotton wool so that they can't build up an immunity against bugs and germs,are you going to stop them going outside in your garden?? Because you know what? there's more crap and germs in your garden than there is on any well meaning persons hands,think of mice foxes birds,they've all been in your garden.Stop being so woosey and stuck up have a bit of compassion let people touch your kids show them you're not a snob. It would be a bit different if you weren't there but from what i've read on here today its mostly when you're out shopping so always with the child.People and kids are dying but not from being touched by some one who is probably a bit lonely and loves kids.Get a life.

Anne - posted on 04/11/2010

422

8

38

My baby isn't a cuddly toy for other people's pleasure. Surprisingly germs do make you ill and it isn't pleasent. My baby has never become ill from playing outside but she has caught things from people, really nasty things and I'm not putting her through that kind of misery for someone elses benefit! Babies have immature immune systems and are supposed to be protected. Preemies are especially susceptible and can and do die from infections. Even the flu can be life threatening but there are many other much worse things carried by people that cause blindness, paralysis, death or just make you sick for the rest of your life. Or there are the less harmful things - a friend of mine was given cold sores as a baby when he was kissed by a carrier. When did caring for and protecting your baby become a snobby thing to do? Are you really saying you would make your baby sick by handing her to a stranger with a cold just to show 'compassion' for that stranger?!! People should have more sense than to touch someone else's baby without permission. A recent survey found that almost a third of people don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom. This was discovered by finding traces of excrement on their hands when swabbed. Maybe you don't mind your baby sucking on random people's poop but I do. Another reason why it isn't acceptable is that when they are a bit older a lot of babies get frightened when a stranger pokes their head into the pram and starts touching them.

[deleted account]

I think our society is too obsessed with "owning" their children and shielding them from anyone else out in public from comments and glances. I am not saying it's okay to touch babies/children without knowing them but really I think common sense of what's appropriate will tell you instinctually. If you think someone is doing or saying something totally inappropriate then you have the right to say so directly without having to be rude.



What I am saying is that, people are generally well meaning and they just like to comment on babies, there's not much more to comment on then how they look. Mother's are so quick to take everything so defensively. I wish our generation of mothers would chill out a bit, I think it's better for children to observe us at ease with society and making small talk with "strangers" (ones who we instinctually feel comfortable with) rather than show them how not to feel safe at all times and ignore people around us. Of course we as moms and dads need to teach stranger danger but teach it the correct context.

Melanie - posted on 04/09/2010

16

0

0

Yup, strangers just can't seem to not touch newborn babies. One woman I came across, actually attempted to stick her finger into my son's mouth to suckle! I politely told her "please don't do that, I don't want him getting sick" - it's your responsibility to protect your child and germ overload from strangers is one of them. Another women I came across felt the need to tell me that carrying my infant around in a baby pouch (attach to your body) wasn't quite the way to interact with a baby and I should put him in a pram. I was doing grocery shopping a pushing a shopping cart at the time, I simply told her "in that case, I'll put him in his pram and she can push my shopping cart around for me, or she should cork it".



Always remember "Those that matter, don't mind and those that mind, don't matter"

Brittany - posted on 04/08/2010

2

0

0

I think it is rude to touch someone's baby without their permission. My baby was premature so I am especially worried about her getting sick. People keep trying to touch her hands and face in public so I took to telling them that her doctor advised against her being touched by strangers due to risk of spreading germs and this helped. best of luck.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

152 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

Ok, i have to admit
I am a stomach toucher, and don't know why i am compelled to want to. I really don't even like to hug family or strangers.
And a man btw
I was doing an internet search on why my girlfriend who has not been pregnant for 17 yrs(she has 3 kids) cant stand me to touch her stomach. Now i get it. It would totally suck to have strangers touch u all the time. Im sure it persists long after giving birth. I think my girlfriend must have been compelled to allow family members to do it and built up a deep psychological repulsion to being touched in the stomach the due to the repeated trauma.
But i think i know why people feel compelled to touch a pregnant tummy.
GENETICS- I'm a darwinist
Every social behavior that survived over thousands of years must have some purpose . The stomach rub is so primal and widespread in peoples behavior,it must have served the purpose of endearing a group to a pregnant woman. Therefore giving baby's protection by the group, there forth increasing the population of that group and those genes that made strangers wanna rub tummies.
All i can suggest is you understand why people are driven to do this it's not their fault. And try to be tactful in the way that you tell them that you don't want your Tommy touched.
To spare their feelings why don't you just tell them all that " my skin is really sore right now" maybe some other time? and then I'll feel sorry for you instead of being mad that they not cannot express their genetic compulsion?
Just a theory good luck!

Genevieve - posted on 03/23/2014

2

0

0

If strangers don't mean to offend than stragers should RESPECTFULLY ask if its okay to touch someone else's kid, or whatever. I didn't make my baby with strangers. I made my baby with my husband. My close circle of family & friends respectfully ask all the time and respect me after being declined. I expect a lot more from strangers to have commen sense & respect. Im giving a stranger benefit of a doubt to choose wisely after i decline them. i point it out and it gets smoothly taken care of. I don't feel bad about it and if a stranger does...guess what....Oh well, should of thought of that before saying or doing something without my permission.....going against another person will or wish is crossing a line.

It's always good to set boundaries with people who rudely or unknowingly taught by society cross your boundaries. Remember healthy boundaries keep people from dishonesty. If they want to cross boundaries then get tough & put your foot down. No one else is your child's parent.

Wendy - posted on 07/13/2011

25

0

1

I think it's a bit of both, sometimes I take it to heart when people tell me that my son has a really big head (it's not THAT big) but it is slightly bigger than average but other times i just let it go it all depends on how often it's happening to you i guess, when it comes to my younger son everyone always comments on how smiley he is and they try and tickle his cheeks one woman even went as far as trying to walk round the supermarket holding his hand!! The only people that I let touch my child are elderly people - they are from a generation where it's acceptable to do this and you can't teach an old dog new tricks! The trouble is these days that sort of "compliment" is no longer seen as socially acceptable whereas 20 years ago it was perfectly normal and almost seen as rude if you didn't do it. I have to say though i do find it un-nerving when people try to touch my children and often make a quick but polite escape. try to rise above it and remember they are your children and no-one elses opinion matters!!

Kemberley - posted on 07/12/2011

2

0

0

When I had a baby I suddenly realized how celebrities must feel (a little violated?) because now, complete strangers talk to you and it feels really odd because they never did before. However, they are probably just enchanted with your precious baby. "Babies are proof that God loves us and wants the human race to continue" (or something like that- excuse the mis-quote) so I just rolled with it and tried to be gracious when people asked me about my babies. I have to say, I don't remember too many "touchers" though! I love babies too- and can't help but smile when I see them! I would feel uncomfortable with the people touching my child too- I think Krista's advice was good advice-maybe people will think before they go putting their germs on babies without asking first for health reasons. At least it gives you a solid reason why you are leery about it (although in my opinion strangers shouldn't be touching anyone). I think that those people have no clue they are being offensive though. Also, it might be just me, but it happens less when they are mobile so maybe it won't happen as much down the road :) Good luck!

Anne - posted on 04/22/2010

422

8

38

LOL we carried on taking our little girl out too round the year. Only days we didn't go out were when we were snowed in. If the weather was just cool or drizzly then we'd let her nap in the garden (wrapped up and weather proofed). That woman said to me once that her dog was better looked after than my baby because she was taking her dog indoors in a summer shower. I thought 2 things - poor dog - if it has to stay indoors everytime there is a little drizzle in Britain the poor animal will never get out and secondly if it were wrapped up cosy in a pram with a rain hood like my baby it wouldn't even know it was raining. We are Brits too, lived in the USA for a while and then moved back. We took our tiny preemie baby out as a newborn in CA and I think we'd have done the same if it were here. People didn't always have central heating and it didn't harm them.

Yvonne - posted on 04/22/2010

82

8

0

Hi AnneMarie,yes a UK resident all 50 years of my life apart from 6 months in New Zealand in my 20's,and yep its very hard to give them up when they move on and some of them have kept in touch but others haven't, I feel myself that its much much harder when they don't keep in touch as I never really know if the child that left is really happy or not,if you see them even if its only once a year you can tell whether they are happy or sad as it shows in their eyes.

What would people say if I told them I used to put my daughter outside in a pram (wrapped up and weather proofed of course) when she was a newborn in March! Mind you she was full term and weighed 8lb 2oz so she was by no means a tiny!

Anne - posted on 04/21/2010

422

8

38

Yvonne I didn't realise you were also in the UK! I can imagine it is quite costly raising so many children. Must be so hard to give them up. I hope you get to keep in touch with them - or maybe that's harder? 2 nearly toddlers - yes that is having your work cut out!!
We do the same - my little girl naps outside in the better weather in her pram. She always has a healthy glow when she's been able to be outdoors. I know not everyone holds that opinion. We had a neighbour who used to come outside and scream at me if I had my baby in the pram outside - this was in summer. She threatened to call social services. She was making a thing about babies shouldn't be outside. The real reason for her upset was that we shared a garden with her (flats)and she thought the bit of land in front of her flat should be reserved for her and that we shouldn't walk our baby there. Still boggles my mind what she was going to report... 'baby being walked in a pram - send police!'.
I'm not suggesting anyone on here is extreme like that just to be clear.

Yvonne - posted on 04/20/2010

82

8

0

Here Here AnneMarie, in response to Zaidee of course children should be outside in the fresh air,all my babies weather permitting have slept outside in my good old fashioned coach pram, fresh air helps them grow, if we didn't take them out in the fresh air they would start to look pretty insipid in colour.(but thats just my thoughts)

In answer to your your question AnneMarie I have 2 littlies at the moment one is 14 months the other 11 months so have my work cut out for me as one is nearly walking and the other one has just got up on her knees after commandoing around for 5 months, I do love my job which makes it all the harder to let them go when they have to leave to move on either back to family or adoption,but its well worth it even though british social services pay you rubbish money,we do it because we love the kids.x

Zaidee - posted on 04/19/2010

3

12

0

I say if you don't want your baby touched or what ever, don't take them out in public. Most of you seem to think they don't get germs from other members of the family. And really, the people who touch your baby the most are the older children in the family. Kids of school age. School is where most germs preed. And on the playground where the swings and slides are crawling with germs. How can people touch your baby in the mall if you keep moving. And in the restraunt the baby carrier is in the inside of the booth. You see someone coming close, pull the cover up over the baby. that should be hint enough.Use command sense. Tiny babies shouldn't be out in public anyway.

Zaidee - posted on 04/19/2010

3

12

0

It's only conversation. Your answer isn't written in stone. And you need not be sarcastic in your respond. And i doubt everybody comes up and pinches his cheeck.

Danielle - posted on 04/19/2010

915

38

42

I HATE THE TOUCHING. I REALLY hate it!!!! I am sort of a germaphobe and my son is gorgeous...everyone who sees him at the very least smiles and that makes me feel so proud to be his mother but for goodness sakes LOOK BUT DON'T TOUCH. Elderly people do it a lot and I do respect my elders but I really feel like saying "can you get your dirty fingers out of my child's hair please?!" The other day, I was in Walmart and a man who was probably around 70 years old kept touching my son in the line at the check out. My son was not reaching for him or anything, this man just kept running his fingers through his hair and patting his head. He was also a very dirty, smelly man. I know that sounds rude, but it's the truth. It was very obvious he had no sense of hygiene. Also, I recall when he was 3 weeks old, my fiance and I went for Chinese food and a woman sitting behind us came up and started stroking his head. URGH. You were just eating greasy, finger foods and now you're stroking the head of my 3 week old newborn? No! Grrr. I could go on about this forever.

Angie - posted on 04/19/2010

106

46

13

I know how you feel I hated it when on public transport and I could see my boyfriend glaring as some old person would come and say she/he is gorgeous and then touch their cheeks. However while doing my first part of nursing way back before I had my third child it was suggested that there is a special chemical omitted from babies that make people especially women brood. They have to touch....maybe they can't help it and who can resist the cheeks. I constantly hug my children kiss their little cheeks, maybe its the soft skin they are wanting to touch because they are so old. I would say to people please don't touch my baby talk to him/her all you want but do not touch I am paranoid about what they might catch when you have been around shopping today I do not know what you have touched and with illnesses going around my son is vulnerable at his fragile age. Only thing I can suggest to say.

Anne - posted on 04/18/2010

422

8

38

Yvonne, thank you for your nice message. I am sorry if I sounded abrupt in my previous post. I think I was rushing and came across a bit stronger than intended. Thank you for wishing my daughter well. We hope she won't have to have surgery - we're waiting to see at the moment. I live in the UK and I think pehaps this and other factors influence my view. My baby was born in sunny California and over there I was less worried about it. Then we came back to the UK and were plunged into cold weather and absolutely everyone is sick here! When we would go out there wouldn't be a single person we saw not coughing their lungs up! I was very cautious about not taking her to crowded places during flu season, especially because of her being a preemie and because of the swine flu going on here but people would come up to her and touch her all the time and one woman took it a bit far. She lived in my neighbourhood and would regularly come and pull the covers about in my baby's pram, shake toys in her face (which frightened her) and if I was carrying her she would try to take her from me. Then my baby got poorly with flu (after the woman with flu kissed her)- and was sick and miserable for a long time - 2 months in total because of consecutive infections. I guess she had a depressed immune system after the first because we had to stop going out just to try to get her better. Then the ongoing ear infection. She lost weight during that time and all the development she had been having stopped - all she could do was lay in my arms and cry. I don't mind so much, as you say, if they touch her where she's not going to suck the germs off but those who do touch her always tend to go for hands and face. I don't want to hurt people so I wait until they can't see and give her a wipe. I know they are just being nice but I do wish they wouldn't touch her there. I'm quite glad if people talk to her though. That is nice for everyone but I haven't had any negative comments to colour my judgement on that one. As she gets older I'm less worried about infections because she is much bigger and stronger now.
It must be very exhausting caring for so many children even though it's something you love. Do you have many little ones right now? You must be a very caring and giving person and are making a huge difference to so many lives.

Anne Marie - posted on 04/18/2010

116

7

6

No i think you are on track. We teach our kids to be aware of strangers, yet they see us responding to them all the time with thank you if they compliment or what ever. I know they don't mean any harm, or to be offensive. Elderly are the most likely to try and touch and I think it is becasue they are so excited to see a baby, they appreciate them so much more and in their day it was acceptable.

Yvonne - posted on 04/18/2010

82

8

0

AnneMarie,i think i've done it again and offended you, and for that i am truly sorry.I'm not completely adamant that germs don't cause serious harm, i guess i too would be completely horrified if some had done the same thing to one of my babies that happened to you i am so sorry that it made her so poorly,i wouldn't wish illness on anyone let alone a tiny baby,i sincerely hope that she doesn't have to have surgery.I know the incubation for colds is 1 to 5 days,the point i was trying to make is that an airborne virus can be infectious for up to 3 weeks so any of us cold get a cold 3 weeks after someone sneezed in the supermarket when they were shopping.I guess we will have to agree to disagree as we all have our own personal feelings on these things don't we?Perhaps its because someone trying to pick my baby up or kiss them or put a finger in their mouth has never happened is why i feel the way i do,i wouldn't want them doing that but i still feel that touching the hands, feet, tummies doesn't do a great deal of harm.

I would like to say thank you very much for your comment on my being a foster carer i just see it as an extension of my being a mother (empty arm syndrome) i just love to look after and care for babies and children and as my own daughter is now 25 my arms get lonely.

can i ask where in the world do you live?

Anne - posted on 04/15/2010

422

8

38

Yvonne yes I can be certain the infection came from someone who had flu who pulled my baby out of my arms, making her cry and kissing her. My family were not infected and they are careful around babies and the incubation period for colds and flu is 1 to 5 days not 3 weeks. I don't know why you are so adamant that a baby won't come to harm from germs. Plenty of babies do. My baby was very very ill with flu and it was a long miserable time for her that has left her with an ear infection that may need surgery. Unwashed hands are a major source of disease transmission and there isn't much difference between the stranger off the bus with poop on their hands sticking their fingers directly into your baby's mouth and touching them on the hands when the baby is just going to immediately suck on what was deposited. When my baby was born she was also a tiny preemie but you are supposed to be careful with any newborn. When they are newborns they are not rolling around in the yard with mice and foxes so that's not a consideration. I don't know what you are calling a pram over there but babies go in them from they are newborn. Stranger anxiety usually happens between 3 and 6 months and it is a normal part of healthy development. It is when they start to realise they are a seperate person from mommy. So it's not something I am doing wrong. My baby is well known around the neighbourhood for smiling and waving at everyone she sees. The dustmen all look out for her every week and make the lorry mechanism go up and down because she has charmed them all by running out to see them and waving. The postman does the same. Just today I went to the GP and everyone asked about my friendy little girl - she makes an impression wherever she goes. She is the only one in her playgroup that is generous and wants to interract with others - the others are still focussed on themselves at that age. She loves people. She brought a fashion show to a halt in my local shopping centre by joining in with the modelling - everyone crowded around her as she tried on hats for them and stopped watching the show. Everyone says hello to her because she is just so friendly and I get comments all the time about what a happy baby she is. So my point is that those who are saying that babies who are protected from germs will be socially stunted are mistaken.



Yvonne I think it is a great thing that you are doing - giving a stable home to so many children. Whatever our differences of opinion I just wanted to say that.

Cambria - posted on 04/15/2010

6

2

0

Aveah is a small framed person, so people are always comparing her to their kid or grand-kid. sometimes i just wanna say so what she is small it just means we have to buy clothes less often.

Cambria - posted on 04/15/2010

6

2

0

it's crazy how people think that you care about what they have to say. I was always told if you can't say anything nice don;t say anything at all i guess we forget as we get older. i don't like when strangers touch my kids but i usually wipe them with a wipe when the person walks away

Emma - posted on 04/12/2010

1,590

15

114

I would never in 10000 years walk up to a total stranger and touch there tummy, would the people who do this do it to people who are not pregnant ? NO
I would also never touch someone's kid without first asking if it was ok to do so, but people do it all the time
I would not talk to a strangers child but to the kids parents, but people do.

Sorry but it pisses me off that because, you are pregnant of have a baby with you that people seem to think you and the kid are public property.

I am quite happy to talk to people but not if they do not have common scene or basic curtsey,

Ive had someone try and pick up my at the time 16week old out of the trolley the type with the baby seat attached i had turned round to pick up some bags of milk from the bottom of the fridge in a supermarket turned round to find some strange woman undoing the straps when i lost my temper her excuse was she was so cute sleeping there i just wanted a cuddle...., im sorry that's way out of line store security thought so too.

Emma - posted on 04/12/2010

1,590

15

114

I thought my kids to scream bloody murder if a stranger touches them or talks to them.

When they do this the person who did it always say sorry i did not mean to upset them

to this my response is you did not upset them they have been taught that if mommy dose not say its ok its not ok and suggest to them that maybe its not the best idea to go and touch a strangers kid without permission especially now days with all the nut jobs around.



when i was pregnant my hubby made me a t shirt that said "NO im just Fat !" on it as i got so pissed off with people touching me, and before i taught my kids to scream i would just ask people in a really snotty voice what the hell they where doing.



i hate my personal space being invaded, i just think it is so rude to touch or talk to a kid, talk to me first ......

Susanne - posted on 04/12/2010

25

29

2

No. You are not taking it to heart too much. I hate strangers touching my daughter too. She is 8 months old and very long for her age. Just today, I walked into a fish and chip shop with my fiance and our daughter. We got a bag of french fries with our order, our daughter was lookin\g at them and I said 'no you can't have them, you too little' and the lady serving me said ' surely she is older enough to have them, my child was eating chips at 18 month old.' I swiftly replied with 'she is 8 months old' She didn't believe me. She had to ask my fiance for confirmation!!!!

Yvonne - posted on 04/12/2010

82

8

0

To AnnMarie Johnson,I thought long and hard before replying to your post and I sincerely apologise if I upset or offended you or anyone else on here.Its hard to tell which part of the world you come from so I don't know what you actually feel is socially acceptable.The point I was trying to get across is that its not actually going to physically or mentally harm your baby if someone touches him or her.Can you actully prove that your baby has not become ill from being in the garden,Can you prove that your baby has become ill from being touched by someone. A sneeze for instance can travel up to 30 metres it is an airborne virus and can stay infectious for many days, so that stranger that touched your baby in the supermarket 2 days ago(unless they sneezed in your babies face) probably didn't give him/her a cold it was probably a member of your family kissing your baby 3 weeks ago.(do you get my meaning?) I'm not saying its okay to hand your baby to and complete stranger and let that stranger stick their fingers into the babies mouth or slobber all over him/her,what I'm saying is :- what harm will it really do to let someone stroke your babies cheek or feet.As a foster carer of over 27 children,I've had babies come to me from far far worse situations than just a few germs,some were premmies some weren't and I haven't lost one yet.As for your comment about about when a baby is older and someone shoving their head into the pram, I've not had that happen to me yet and hopefully not many other mums have either,but looking over the pram and sticking your head in the babies face are completely different things.By the time a child is old enough to sit in a pram/pushchair/shopping trolley that child should be socially adept if its not we've gone wrong somewhere in our teaching,which brings me back to my first point lets not wrap our children in cotton wool! Finally to the lady of the original post, Angela, you have to do what you feel most comfortable with,all babies premmies and full term ones develop at different rates try not to be offended its just people comparing to kids in their own family probably. Good luck with your beautiful son xx

Andrea - posted on 04/11/2010

307

9

34

I feel you there... My daughter as born 10 weeks early and has always been small for her age!!! It does get frustrating when ppl commet about her size and I have down right got what you dont' feed her type comments!!! UGH!!! Somethings you can do about the size is give his corrective age and then he doesn't seem as tiny to them at that point!!! As for ppl touching him, I really didn't like that as well and would tell them she doesn't that she was a preemie and I don't want to risk her getting sick and most ppl would be oh I am sry and very respectfull of my wishes!!! The one time that it really made me mad was when I mom wasn't watching her child and the child wouldn't leave my daughter alone, she had just gotten over a e colli infection from ppl touching her!!! and I had to ask the child please don't touch her she is very tiny and can get sick from it!!! Your not alone when it comes to this!!!

Jessie - posted on 04/11/2010

722

60

54

um no people have come up to my son and done that. tickle his toes of something like that. most often they just start talking to him like when I'm in line checking out at the store or something and say he is cute or whatever and thats ok but touching is a little much. I do however appreciate it when throws his binky or toy and someone picks it up for us though! I also get annoyed about size comments. he was only a week early so not a preemie or anything but a little guy. he is about 17.5 lbs and almost 9 months old. and when they ask and I tell them how big he is I always get something like "wow, my son/nephew/friends baby weighs way more than that" 1st off my kid is breastfed and is NOT allowed the junkfood/soda/candy my mom and others would like to feed him. 2nd I am 5 ft tall how big do you really think my kid is going to be? Jeez people. He is healthy and active just not as big as most kids that age. not saying all big babies are fed junkfood or slurpies like some kids his age I know but come on what's wrong with being a healthy, not obese little boy!?

Paula - posted on 04/11/2010

21

16

1

i dont think you are wrong i had a really hard time with it to i am very out spoken and i would tell them please dont touch my baby it is not you he has been through allot and i am trying to keep him as healthy as i can tahnk you that is your child you do what is best for you and him it is not a puppy! come on people are so out there they touch everything then want to touch this preciouse little baby he can get sick he can get a rash anything!! i am with you mom!

Cindy - posted on 04/11/2010

369

92

22

It depends on what they say. Sometimes depending on what they it will annoy me. But sometimes not.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/11/2010

5

5

0

I hear what u r saying AnneMarie and I think I understand in a way - the anxiety of the mothers on this forum. And yes, times have changed. We grew up rushing around the neighbourhood talking to all n sundry, falling down, picking ourselves up and coming home only when Mother called each house in the neighbourhood to see if we were anywhere in sight! I do understand that there are alot more perverts out there but somehow I cant stomach the idea of kids being brot out of their innocence with a dont talk, dont smile ( kids are born smiling - dont u agree) and toss ur head arrogantly when someone pays u a compliment!

Ashley - posted on 04/11/2010

10

13

0

You are not alone. I have an issue with people always wanting to touch my son. When we go out in public everyone says he is so cute and adorable which is fine but when they touch his cheeks, hands, or feet it drives me crazy. I dont know when the last time they washed their hands or what they have touched since then. I thought i was the only person who felt this way but noww i know im not alone.

Anne - posted on 04/11/2010

422

8

38

Elizbeth I agree that social interaction is important. I like it when people come up and talk to my baby and she loves the attention. She has become a real people person but that is not through strangers touching her. I think it is important that children know strangers should not do that.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/11/2010

5

5

0

I've been reading some of the replies. My perspective? I come from the subcontinent where everyone admires and coos at all babies. Like someone said in one of the posts earlier - Babies are considered public property to be admired. I have had 2 sons - really beautiful babies - and they grew up in the middle east (they r 22 and 20 now), where it was considered alright to tousle a tot's hair or I remember once while out walking some Arab women even picked up my baby from his pram! I took it in my stride because I knew it was positive vibes all the way. I am not saying that I would like everyone to pick up all the babies that they see but having positive vibes sent their way makes them socially more adept and I can promise u that they grow up more healthy emotionally, mentally and even physically. I dont know if u've heard the old saying that constant touching makes the "touched" grow. Positive strokes are better than making tots wary of the wonderful world they live in. This, of course, is just my opinion and probably that of billions of women in our part of the world.

Maria - posted on 04/10/2010

9

9

0

OMG YES! its soo annoying! I dont really mind when elserly people do it because its been so long since they've been around babies.But I feel like other are comparing. My son is long for his age thats the comment we always get "Hes soo big" AAHHH

Rebecca - posted on 04/10/2010

5

18

0

i had preclampsia as well and had my son early, he was only 6 lbs when we took him home and was pretty skinny, we used to get a LOT of comments about his size and weight, we just tried to brush them off and tell them he eats like a horse or he was born early! I hated when strangers used to touch my son to and used to carry a huge bottle of hand sanitizer with me everywhere, I made sure it was the green kind with aloe in it and carried it in the cup holder of my stroller so everyone could see it! and just told people he was a premie so his immune system wasn't properly developed and I didn't want people touching him, it worked!!

Aimee - posted on 04/10/2010

5

22

0

OMG I can SO relate to you! I had pre-eclampsia also that developed into Toxemia. My daughter was also born at 34 wks & weighed 3 lb 5 oz @ birth. She spent 7 wks in the NICU & when she came home she weighed just 4 lbs. People used to want to comment on whether or not she was real or a doll, or they'd ask really rude questions or even worse they'd want to TOUCH her hands or face. This bugged me the most because as with any baby, germs are a real concern & as you know preemies are even more at risk for germs. I actually stopped going places except the grocery store. I got so tired of people who I didn't know touching her or making comments.

Don't feel it's you because for some reason people think it's a baby so all good manners are out the door I guess. Even family does! My husband's side of the family was always touching her & it drove me NUTS!!

Good luck & it will get better!

Anne - posted on 04/10/2010

422

8

38

When people touch my baby it makes me worry about whether they washed their hands after they went to the bathroom or if they just coughed into them. When they are strangers I usually have to wipe her face and hands right after so she doesn't catch what they might have. As you can imagine she's not keen on it so yes it really annoys me.

Donna - posted on 04/09/2010

204

23

2

My kids are in their 20's now and it never bothered me if someone touched them. People love babies plain and simple. You can't keep then in a bubble. Just like people are drawn to puppies. It brings back memories of having my own kids when I see other people babies. I will talk to them and get them smiling. If I touch them it's always on their leg or arm where there are clothes. People just want to be friendly. Enjoy the attention your son is getting. It's good for him to be exposed to all kinds of people.

Brooke - posted on 04/09/2010

10

8

0

My daughter was born full-term and was 6 lbs 13 oz. EVERYONE always commented on how tiny she was!!! It made me second-guess myself as far as feeding and I thought maybe there was something wrong with her!! But then I realized everyone who was commenting had kids born at 9 or 10 lbs!! A lot of kids, especially in America, are obese and thats what people are used to. As long as your pedi says hes fine, I wouldn't give them a second thought! Just reply with, "His doctor says he is healthy and is growing just fine!!" Thats all you can do, so hang in there!! =)

Candice - posted on 04/09/2010

3

0

0

:o) I think babies give off that same cute and cuddly feeling like puppies and kittens do...and how often do you see people reaching out to touch them? and as far as the "he's so small" comments...well its true and so what? My daughter was 9lbs 15.2 oz. and all I heard was omg she is huge! look at those cheeks! & they were right!

honestly we would be a sad and pathetic society if we all walked around ignoring eachother...

Sandi - posted on 04/09/2010

3

24

0

I'm with your friends and relatives! Not only would I wish you were flattered, but you should be grateful that so many people are sharing your love of your beautiful baby! Many times moms will connect with other moms - whether they are old or young - through loving someone's child. It's also another way to say, "Sista, we are all in this together" - and most new moms would be grateful, I would think, that so many people are sharing their goodness and love of babies, with you. Asking questions about their size, hair, or whatever, is just showing kindness and INTEREST in your sweet new family. It isn't a judgement of any kind - it's more a sharing, a caring. You have the choice HOW you perceive this attention. If you choose to enjoy the caring, not only you will be happier, but because you are, so will your adorable baby. From a mother of five, grandmother of 15 and great-grandmother to a prescious two-week old beauty...Sandi

Sherylyn - posted on 04/09/2010

2

14

0

My son was born 6 weeks early. I too had preclamsia. He weighed 4lb 7oz. He was in NICU for 11 days. They said he would be there 6-12 weeks. He did great! He came home in 11 days. He came home at 4lbs. He is now going to be 7 and is fine! He was little and had a good appetite. He got to be a little chunky, but all good. He is thin now and is basically caught up. Don't let anyone tell you anything differently. As long as he is healthy don't worry what people think! Everyone use to come up to me and said how beautiful he was. If my husband was walking with him I would find a flock of women surrounding my husband. At times they would touch him and all I could think of was "GERMS" - I don't like when people start touching their faces. Don't get yourself crazy! Just be polite and move forward. Enjoy him. THey grow too fast.

Sally - posted on 04/09/2010

30

4

2

I had to respond to this one. I, like many others, must have had "the look" while pregnant because strangers didn't come up and touch my belly. But the worst that has happened was to my then 2 mo old daughter. I was having lunch with some friends and a woman came up to talk to 2 of them (knew them from the past). My daughter was fussy, and the woman said "maybe she is teething" and then proceeded to put her finger in my daughter's mouth and rub her gums. I was flabbergasted. I still kick myself when I think of me just sitting there, aghast that someone actually put their finger in her mouth! In hindsight I would have said "please don't do that" and removed her finger.



I don't get annoyed when people talk to my children, but do not like them touching them. I think it is better to be honest and say "please don't touch her". Your kids hear what you are saying and need to know it is ok to politely ask people to stop doing something just because it makes them uncomfortable (in theory anyway -- I have trouble doing this myself ). Some people just don't get it!

[deleted account]

People used to do that when my girls were babies...they comment not about them too, and they are 3, 4 and 8! You can't control what other people do unfortunately, but as far as the touching your kid, then you can say "Excuse me, I really don't like people messing with him" If he is in a stroller or carrier, just keep the hood closed, or say you're trying to get him to fall asleep. It really bothered me more when they were babies,...a friend told me to get a shirt made that said "Don't touch my kid, it pisses me off" I thought it was funny, but I never did it.

Carrie - posted on 04/09/2010

5

20

0

I feel the exact same way... Once I was in the grocery store and a lady had just picked up a pack of fresh chicken and while still holding it just switched hands and bent down and touched my sons face saying arent you such a cutie...I mean thanks for the compliment but raw chicken in your hand seriously you couldnt just sqay what you had to say without touching...So I had to tell her... OK now lets not touch thats how babies get sick... and I walked off

Tammy - posted on 04/09/2010

13

1

1

I had twin girls 2 months early, they had to stay in the hospital for a month before I could bring them home. People did the same to me even after I would tell them we had to becareful of germs because they were so early... They would say Oh I know you better take care of these little ones, as they are rubbing their head or pinching cheeks! ugh!! I had women block me in aisle's so I couldn't get around and they would just sit their talking to them until they decided they we're finished! I finally had to always look down and never make eye contact with anyone. lol Which is not the kind of person I am, but it seemed to work.

Carfthrina - posted on 04/09/2010

7

33

0

i don't know about the touching part..you don't know where these people or their hands have been coming out of the blue and touching ur baby...that's a no no for me especially with all these diseases out their...i say u can complement without touching..plain and simple..and if someone say something about ur baby that u don't like it just tell em and be polite about it...that's how i do thing..cute baby..

Danielle - posted on 04/09/2010

55

14

4

No matter what I do I have to factor in at least 5 extra minutes when I take my daughter out. Luckily she loves shopping and people, but I ALWAYS get stopped by people saying how beautiful and happy my daughter is. I don't mind talking about her, and she seems to love the extra attention. It does cross the line if they try to touch her though.

Theresa - posted on 04/09/2010

8

47

1

My son was 6 weeks early and weighed 4 lbs 15 oz when I brought him home.. People are naturally drawn to babies, especially really tiny ones. I was happy to answer thier questions and I was proud to show him off because he had a hard time at first. It didnt bother me at all but I agree that people shouldnt be touching him because premies are more likley to get sick and be sick longer while they are still so tiny. I would ask them potlitely not to touch your baby because he can get sick but.You could also stop them and hand them hand sanitizer and ask them if they would use it before touching him.

Angela - posted on 04/09/2010

3

8

0

I had the same with my eldest son who was born 11 weeks early and weighed 3lb 9oz but I didn't mind the comments and such as he obviously was small for his age. As your relatives say you should feel flattered that people are paying him attention as they wouldn't bother if he wasn't handsome. There is also so little know to outsiders about children who are very early that to them the children do seem very small for their ages but when you explain that he/she actually shouldn't even be here yet that they seem to get to grips with it.

They also told me that he would be smaller than other children his age right through school, slower and not as bright but he never was one to listen to what other people said and is now nearly 18, stands at 6ft 4inches tall in his socks and was always the biggest and one of the brightest in his class. From the age of approx 1year old he was running around, was the same height as others his age and talked at the same time as they did.

Hang in there as it really won't last for ever and trynot to look too much into what people are saying and don't take it too much to heart.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms