DO U THINK MY SECOND SONS FATHER SHOULD HAVE A SAY SO IN HIS NAME IF HE DOESNT BELIEVE HE'S HIS AND HE HASNT BEEN HELPING? OR DOING ANYTHING TO SHOW THT HE IS A REAL MAN ABOUT THE SITUATION?

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Sherri - posted on 10/10/2011

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Well I have been in this exact situation. So I see every angle more than you know. I still stick by my original statement if he is going to pay child support and have visitation. Then by all means he has a say.

However, he owes you nothing, you are not his obligation only that child you are carrying is and that does not happen until that child is born. So that is when is parental obligations will take effect.

I also would hope you wouldn't be petty if you lose this child I am sure you would notify him as well as when you go in labor.

However, if he is not even asking about the naming of this child then I wouldn't worry about it and would name this child anything you want. The only time he should have a say is if it actually wants a say.

Tinker1987 - posted on 10/12/2011

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Again you dont need to use caps i can read little print just fine! anyway i dont know what else to tell you,other then pissing the childs father off and him walking away is only going to hurt the child in the end.so its time you both stop being stubborn. if a dna test is what he needs too man up then give him that.if it comes back he is the father he then has to decide if he is going to man up or not.and if not then its his loss.

Katherine - posted on 10/12/2011

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@Keli, but he is not a part of it now. He's done nothing.

Tinker1987 - posted on 10/12/2011

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well you really should come to a agreement on the name. its not all about you. you made the baby together. he may being a stubborn douche right now but that could change later especially when the baby is here. and robbing him of not allowing him at the hospital is wrong too,it could bring you guys together and he could come to respect you awhole lot more being apart of that experience. i think you should give things some thought. and if you still do what you want to do when the time comes then there is nothing any of us can say or do to change that! but in my opinion i would want to start things off right. and put the baby first.If he is still a deadbeat after baby is here then the hell with him...

Amie - posted on 10/11/2011

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No! I'm just going to echo Erin on this one. This type of things always gets me riled up.

If you are not there 100% or even trying to be there 100% - then you should not be a parent. It's harsh but I've been there, I'm living it and I have little sympathy for dead beats.

I am the mother to my child. I will not be the mother to my ex and call him to remind him he has a child, that maybe he should see him. That is his responsibility, not mine. I will meet him half way but I will go no farther.

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Sherri - posted on 10/12/2011

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If you got all the information you need Martina you can lock the thread.

MARTINA - posted on 10/12/2011

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I ASKED HIM TO TELL ME SOME NAMES HE LIKES AND HE STILL HASNT DONE IT. ASLO I POSTED THIS THREAD BEFORE I FOUND OUT ABOUT MY SONS NAME THAT I CHOSE.

Tinker1987 - posted on 10/12/2011

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well names are for life,before i found out the sex me and my boyfriend argued over every girl name possible. you and the babys father arent the first too go through it!! and for some people it doesnt come to them until they meet the baby.get him to write a list of names HE likes. if he refuses to do that then its fair game! Also wanted to add,that if you felt what you were doing was Right by naming your son all on your own why would you post this thread asking opinions,maybe you are second guessing your decision?

MARTINA - posted on 10/12/2011

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because it is his son and his responsibility regardless. u are suppose to fight for ur child no matter wht and i never told him tht but wht im saying is i told him wht i wanted to name my son and thts when he said he didnt like it but im like. i not going to tell him things he should know. if he can find out when the next damn party is he can find out when his son is due and when my appointments are! and i said i would be nice and allow him to have a say so because thts me but he aint doing shit or coming up with shit excuse my french so wht the hell should i have o sit and wait for him and make a decision with him? i am having a baby shower in november and i am sending out invites so i need a dmn name and now. im not going to be conteplating any longer. he knew i was having a boy because i was excited and nice enough to call and tell him but i tell him when these appointments are and he doesnt even try to make them!. im not going towaste my breathe any longer. and im going to decide onmy own now because i am tired of waiting around and being patient when he shouldnt even have a say and he takin his sweet precious time!!!!

Tinker1987 - posted on 10/12/2011

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and too add i know alot of guys that were down right losers while the pregnancy took place and wasnt there...but after the baby got here it changed for the better.

Tinker1987 - posted on 10/12/2011

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he must be a bit apart of it if they are arguing over names and stuff. if he was out of the picture he would be considered a dead beat all together. sorry but i know alot of people that broke up and have had simular situations but they still had agreement on names. Men are kind of stupid if i didnt tell my fiance when my dr appoitments were and stuff he wouldnt take it upon himself to look at my calendar and he didnt come to alot of them or ultrasounds because he was working. im just saying Naming your child and banning them from the hospital will only make matters worse.its throwing a message to the father that he isnt wanted so why would he try to coOperate.

MARTINA - posted on 10/12/2011

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thatys wht i been saying hes not doing anything and i just looked up test they have them at cvs and walmart not at target though

Katherine - posted on 10/12/2011

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I actually HAVE heard of OTC paternity tests. They have just about everything now. It's pretty crazy.

I think that if he's not in the baby's and your life he should have NO say whatsoever.

If he is doing anything though, like giving you money or helping, then he should.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/12/2011

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That is pretty cool! Maybe research the accuracy for them before purchasing?

Thanks for taking caps off! Much easier to read!

MARTINA - posted on 10/12/2011

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OK sorry im so use to typing with it on. but yea someone actually got one and i think that we can do it ourselves.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/12/2011

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Hey Martina, that means he is willing to take a paternity test? That is a start, but I still would not let a man that questions my faith in them be part of naming the child I am carrying. I have never heard of paternity tests at rite aide. Are they take home kits, or do the pharmacists perform them?

Not trying to be rude, but can you take your cap locks off? It is like you are shouting every answer, and is difficult to read. Thank you!

MARTINA - posted on 10/12/2011

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@ MARINA THTS WHT WE ARE GOING TO DO. I WAS TOLD THEY HAVE THEM AT RITE AIDES!

MARTINA - posted on 10/12/2011

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@ KELI I UNDERSTAND WHERE U ARE COMING. BUT IM NOT TRYING TO KEP TRYING TO TEL HIM HE IS THE FATHER BECAUSE I KNOW WE ARENT GOING TO BE TOGETHER. I THINK THT SINCE THIS IS HIS FIRST AND MY SECOND THTS WHY HE WONT AGREE TO THE NAME I WANT AND HE WANTS SOMETHING CLOSE TO HIS NAME.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/12/2011

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BUT, if you want him to pay child support, I would do a paternity test so you can claim child support.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/12/2011

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Nope. I think it would be ridiculous for him to have any say if he is in denial. He is NOT acting like a father, why should he have any say in the naming of the child?

Tinker1987 - posted on 10/12/2011

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If you have no contact with the father,or dont plan to ever then No he has no say,but if there is a chance it will work out and he will step up then yes the child is every bit his as he is yours too decide on a name. but if you have no future with him then i would say its your decision.. Im not sure what you expect him to do int he situation,if you 100% no for sure he is the father then you have too be mature and reAssure him of that. if he has reason to believe he isnt the father you cant expect him to just go along with the name you want. the Name is something for life.!

MARTINA - posted on 10/12/2011

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@ SHERI LOOK I AM NO WHERE NEAR IMMATURE OR CHILDISH. I JUST DO THINK THT IT IS MY JOB TO KEEP TELLING A GROWN ASS MAN SHIT THT HE SHOULD ALREADY KNOW. SO IM NOT BEING IMMATURE. I AM DOING THT BECAUSE LIKE I SAID I AM CARRYING THE BABY NOT HIM AND I SHOULDNT HAVE TO CALL AND BE LIKE THIS IS THIS DAY AND THE NEXT. HE SHOULD CALL AND ASK WHEN SOMETHING IS ND WHT IS SUPPOSE TO HAPPEN. IT IS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO TELL A GROWN MAN WTF TO DO IN TERMS OF CARING WHEN IT COMES TO THE CHILD WHETHER ITS HIS FUCKING BABY OR NOT!. I NEVER GAVE HIM A REASON TO THINK THT THIS BABY WASNT HIS AND I STILL HAVENT. HE THINKS THT WOMEN SAY THT BABIES ARE SOME FATHERS FOR MONEY BUT FYI I HAVE MT OWN SHIT AND DONT NEED HIM FOR ANYTHING BECAUSE I CAN DO FOR MYSELF. ITS NOT A DAMN CRIME TO WANT MY SON TO HAVE HIS DAMN FATHER. SO IF THT IS BEING IMMATURE THEN UR IGNORANT!

Ez - posted on 10/11/2011

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No, an absent father does not get a say in what you name that baby. Especially if he is denying paternity.

Nor is he entitled to know when you go into labour, or be there for the birth. Would it be nice if you could be amicable and come to some kind of agreement? Sure. But you don't have to do that. He can be told after the baby is safely here.

Tara - posted on 10/11/2011

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No, especially if he doesn't believe your son is his and is being a douchebag about being involved. Even if he decides after the fact to be involved I don't know if he should have a say because he has raised the issue that he doesn't believe the boy to be his.

Sherri - posted on 10/11/2011

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Martina sorry but you are being just as immature and petty.

This is a two way street. You have every moral obligation to inform him when this child is born or if god forbid you lost this child.

You want him to step up to the plate and be a great dad, supporter and be grown up and take responsibility.

You need to also do the same and so far I see you being as immature and childish. Lead by example as to how you want him to act and I bet you will get a much better and respectful attitude and relationship for your unborn child.

MARTINA - posted on 10/11/2011

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IF HE CALLS AND ASKS ABOUT HOW THINGS ARE GOING THEN I WOULDNT HAVE A PROBLEM TELLING HIM ANYTHING BUT HE DOESNT DO THT SO WHY SHOULD I BE OBLIGATED TO TELL HIM ANYTHING?!

MARTINA - posted on 10/11/2011

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NO I SAID I DONT WANT HIM TO COME TO THE HOSPITAL IF HE HASNT EVEN BOTHERED TO CALL MEANING IM NOT GOING TO CALL HIM AND TELL HIM ANYTHING BECAUSE LAST TIME I CHECKED IM CARRYING THE BABY. I WANT HIM TO CALL BECAUSE THIS IS HIS SON TOO AND LIKE I SAID BEFORE I DIDNT GET MY SELF PREGNANT!!!!!

[deleted account]

On the one hand you want him to call and be involved... on the other hand you don't want to call and tell him anything.

Can't have it both ways.....

MARTINA - posted on 10/11/2011

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@SHERI. I DNT THINK I SHOULD LET HIM NO ANYTHING LIKE I SAID ONCE AGAIN I DONT EVEN WANT HIM THERE SO WHY WASTE MY BREAHTE TELLING HIM ANYTHING IF HE DOESNT BELIEVE ITS HIS SON?! I AM IN GOOD HEALTH BUT LIKE I SAID I WAS SPEAKING IN WAHT IF TERMS WHEN I SAID IF I WOULDVE LOST THE BABY. I WOULDNT NEED HIS SUPPORT BECAUSE HE ISNT GIVING ME SUPPORT BEING PREGNANT SO NO I WOULDNT TELL HIM ANYTHING!

April - posted on 10/10/2011

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no he should not have a say. pardon my french but he sounds like a jackass. doesn't sound like a person i would in my child's life.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 10/10/2011

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if he is not in the childs life 100% then he has no say so in what you name your son.

MARTINA - posted on 10/10/2011

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PREGANT AND HAVE A SON BORN ALREADY. BUT I WS SPEAKING IN WHT IF TERMS FOR THE NEW BABY. THT SHOWS ME THT HE CNT BE GAURENTEED HELP ME WHEN HE DOES GET HERE!

MARTINA - posted on 10/10/2011

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I UNDERSTAND BUT BEING THE PERSON THT I AM I ALLOWED HIM TO KNOW THT I WAS PREGNANT BECAUSE IM LIKE THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING IN HIS LIFE HE IS NOT READY TO BE A FATHER. SO THT MEANS I HAVE TO REALLY WONDER THE TYPE OF FATHER HE WILL BE ONCE MY SON IS HERE. WLL HE CALL AND MAKE SURE HE IS STILL BREATHING OR CALL TO MAKE SURE HE DOESNT NEED ANYTHING. YOU SHOW RESPONSIBILITY BEFORE YOUR CHILD GETS HERE BECAUSE THT SHOW THE PERSON U CAN BE. HE DOES OWE ME BECAUSE HE KNEW WHT THE CASE WAS BEFORE HAND. I DIDNT LAY DOWN AND GET MY SELF PREGNANT SO WHY IS IT HE SHOULDNT BE OBLIGATED TO CHECK AND MAKE SURE MY SON IS OK BECAUSE I COULDVE LOST THE BABY AND THEN WHT HE WOULDNT KNOW BEAUSE HE DOESNT CALL! YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT IT FROM ALL ANGLES!!!! ITS NOT MY JOB TO CALL AND MAKE SURE HE COMES AND GET HIM BECAUSE I AM WITH HIM 24/7 AND I COULD CARE LESS WHETHER HE TAKES HIM OR NOT BECAUSE THTS MORE TIME I HAVE WITH HIM. SO I FEEL AS THOUGH HE WONT KNOW ANYTHING UNLESS HE CALLS AND HE DOESNT SO I FEEL LIKE HE DOESNT EVEN GET THT ESPECIALLY SINCE HE DOESNT BELIEVE HES THE FATHER!

Sherri - posted on 10/10/2011

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Not always the case Martina. Not to mention he owes you nothing and until the baby is born that is his only obligation.

MARTINA - posted on 10/10/2011

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THTS THE THING IM LIKE HE HASNT DONE NE THING SINCE IVE BEEN PREGNANT AND HE DOESNT EVEN CALL TO MAKE SURE IM OK OR MY SON IS OK AND IM LIKE ITS MY DECISION BECAUSE IM DOING EVERYTHING! A REAL MAN WOULD MAKE SURE IM OK REGARDLESS OF WHETHER THE BABY IS HIS OR NOT!

Sherri - posted on 10/10/2011

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If he will pay child support and be involved in his life then yes 100% he should have a say.

MARTINA - posted on 10/10/2011

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HE THINKS THT IF MY SON IS HIS WHICH HE IS HE SHOULD HAVE HIS NAME CHANGED TO SOMETHING HE LIKES AND IM LIKE THTS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I DOUBT HE'S EVEN GOING TO BE THERE WHEN I HAVE HIM.

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