Do you feel comfortable living on your ex-husband's money?

Olesya - posted on 08/26/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Do you feel comfortable living on your ex-husband's money? Just curious. Had a fight with my husband the other day and was thinking what would I do in case of divorce having 2 babies. I hope he would pay alimony, but this is so unstable and out of my control in my view. What are your thoughts? Any experience?

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Jodi - posted on 08/26/2014

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In certain circumstances it can be argued that an ex wife or husband deserves some form of maintenance aside from child support based on specific circumstances (i.e disability, SAHM mother for many, many years and needs to reskill), but ultimately, how on earth is it one adult's job to support another in the majority of circumstances? Get a job!

To be fair, we do have a welfare system with unemployment benefits and single parent benefits too though. But you can't stay on those forever either.

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Ev - posted on 08/26/2014

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Olesya--

Miss Jodi is right on that. I live in the US and there are states here that do not even look at alimony and some that do. It depends on the case and the circumstances of all involved. If in a state that does have alimony, I am sure the judge looks at the incomes of both spouses and other item to determine if it is even necessary first and if it is then they will set the amount in accordance with the laws in that state. If a state does not have it in their divorce laws, then both people have to find a job to support themselves. I live in a state that I think does no longer have alimony but years ago a friend of mine did get it but its a pittance of an amount. Its not even 100 bucks a month. So you need to check the laws in your area and see what they say about alimony but you should not depend on the husband to support you your entire life because you got divorced because its not his place to make sure you have food, clothing, and a place to live.

Jodi - posted on 08/26/2014

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I don't believe in alimony, but then, it doesn't exist where I live. If you divorce, you need to learn to support yourself. Staying at home with your children is a privilege not a right, especially if you make the decision to divorce.

However, you are both responsible for the support of your child. So depending on the custody arrangements, you are entitled to receive that and you should not feel guilty about it. However, I also don't believe mothers should automatically get full custody, and child support often doesn't apply in 50/50 shared care arrangements.

My experience? I get nothing from my ex husband, and never have. I've had child support, but it is so minimal it is pathetic. Never, EVER get yourself in a situation where you depend entirely on your ex to be able to survive financially.

I'm concerned that you had a single fight with your husband and now you are considering divorce. I'd have to assume there is far more to it than that.

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