do you feel he will be a deadbeat dad

Donya - posted on 09/12/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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So im pregnant by my ex boyfriend and we was together for about 6 mons but knew each other before then. And he knew i wasnt on birth control and he wasnt using no protection either but he did say he didnt want kids right now but still continued to have sex without protection. So now I'm feeling like he don't want to even be around me he not supporting me through this pregnancy and never ask how me and baby are doing. He is not showing me no attention.I just dnt know what to do

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Jodi - posted on 09/12/2012

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So you continued to have sex without protection too, knowing that neither of you were on birth control. Will that make you a deadbeat mum? Or were you deliberately out to get pregnant?



Just remember that men aren't the ones carrying the baby, so many of them don't form a connection with it until after it is born. He may not want anything to do with it, he might be all over it. Who knows....but if he is your EX boyfriend, I can understand why he isn't showing you any attention. He isn't interested in you. Just keep him informed, and leave it at that. Once the baby comes along, he still won't be showing you any attention. If there is any attention it will be about the baby.



Once you have the baby, just make sure you talk to a lawyer and have court orders done for custody, visitation and child support.

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Donya - posted on 09/12/2012

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Yes I know n you are right...but the way he acting like he don't want to be involve. I do tell him about my appointment he only came to mayb two and when I do tell him about what's going on with the baby all hey say is ok and that make me feel like he really don't care he never even ask about how me and baby are doing and showed me no comfort at all..and this was when we wastogether..

Jodi - posted on 09/12/2012

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Well, you were really both old enough to know better on the birth control thing. So that is essentially irrelevant here. You both chose to have sex with no protection. Never a good idea. But what has happened has happened. Given you both just broke up, it's hard to know what will happen. But any communication you have with him, keep it formal, and totally 100% about the baby, and only when necessary (eg, I am having an ultrasound at this time next week, do you want to be there, I have an appointment at these times, you are welcome to attend). Keep it light and brief. Allow him the opportunity to be involved in the development of the baby, but don't do more than that or it will push him away further from the baby.

Jodi - posted on 09/12/2012

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Well, maybe that's okay. You don't want to stay together just for the sake of the baby if you aren't happy. So what you need to do now is just keep yourself healthy, look after that bub, keep him informed of what is happening with the baby, and see what happens. No-one can predict what kind of father he will be at this point. All you can do is keep offering him the opportunities to be one.



How old are you both? You both sound pretty young. It's probably scaring the crap out of him too, in all honesty.

Vicki - posted on 09/12/2012

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Its hard to say if he will be a deadbeat dad later on or not! Right now is what you are dealing with and right now you are going through this alone, you also decided to have interourse without protection as well. Right now you what you need to do is support yourself and get ready to be the best mom you can be. Let him know when your appointments are and the time and if he shows up great if not well its his loss. I would keep a record of his involvement or lack of. And when the baby comes i would seek custody and child support. Weather he announced to you that he didnt want kids he still chose to have unprotected sex! He still fathered a child and needs to pay for his child. I know its hard and you probably would love for him to be around but for right now he isnt all you can do is focus on you and your baby.

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