Do you feel odd asking Husband for Money?

Maggie - posted on 04/12/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I dont know why I feel bad asking for money. I have been a stay at home mom for a bit over a year now. I sell Avon and make some money, but its not much. Usually covers gas and an ocasional meal out or fun out of the house activity to do with my girls. There are times Avon sends me checks for recruiting girls and those check I can feel proud of and use them to pay off a bill. Well I havent had many recruits lately so those checks arent coming in and the money I do make goes straight to gas and to my gym membership now.

I just never ask husband for money unless I need something for the girls. I find now that I need underclothes and some pants. All my closet consists of is mostly maternity clothes. I was pregnant for a total of two years. haha. Now everything is loose on me and wearing these clothes makes me feel sloppy, big, and still pregnant looking.

I know I need to ask husband for money to buy new clothes, but I just feel so guilty asking for it. I know he wont be upset about it and he will probably just ask me how much I need and hand it right over to me.

I just cant help but feel guilty taking it. I feel like im splurging on myself with money that we can use for bills or on our girls. I feel like he worked so hard for this money that Im selfishly using on myself.

Anyone know they can right out ask for money from SO, BF, HB? But still feel wrong taking it?

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Ellen - posted on 04/15/2012

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Sorry to post *again*, but why would you make two joint accounts??? close yours and add yourself to his.

Ellen - posted on 04/15/2012

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oh yes, i just read a post about her husband working but she manages the finances, written by Sherri.... that's thecase for us too! i balance the checkbook / keep track of the budget too. our heads are *always* together on other purchases though, and we always have the same opinions on what's necessary, feasible, and stupid. having separate accounts and asking permission is something in a dating relationship, not a married one! you guys missed a discussion :p

Ellen - posted on 04/15/2012

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You staying at home should earn money within the relationship and you should be able to fill your needs just like a normal job. Your question almost sort of offends me! Me and my husband work together on financial decisions and planning and we both run everything by each other, and when I need things and they're feasible, i get them. why are you married but operating with separate finances? I don't mean this post to be hurtful, i'm just speaking honestly with you! If budgeting is an issue, i looove goodwill and other thriftstores, and my husband loves me going there haha, and i can get some really nice name brand stuff.



He's working hard to technically earn the money. you're working hard to earn some money, too, it just happens to come from him as if he were your employer, if you know what i'm saying. his w2 doesn't entitle him to all the money in the marriage. I agree with Sarah!



Go have yourself a nice honest conversation :) I'm sure he will be like "Duh! Get whatever you need!" unless it's financially stupid. haha. :)

Amy - posted on 04/12/2012

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If you find it confusing get a credit card in your name that he pays each month. I am the only one with the name on a bank account in our house, we both work but I give my husband spending money each day for him to spend how he wants. If he needs something more I buy it for him that's how he wants it and it works for us.

Medic - posted on 04/12/2012

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How is it confusing having a joint account? I just spend what I need to spend either off the debit card or the credit card. I control the finances and hubby asks me how much is his fun money every week. He would rather me and the kids have what we need than him get a new game or whatever it is he buys.

Sherri - posted on 04/12/2012

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Why are you asking him for money? You are a family so it is both of your money and you should have 100% access to it without ever having to ask or explain why you need it. I have been a SAHM for 12yrs and I have never once asked my husband for money the checking acct is joint and I deal with all finances. If I need it, I use it.

User - posted on 04/12/2012

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I am a sahm and have been for nearly 9 years. We have a joint bank account and I can spend whatever, whenever. Of course I am careful and we discuss big things, but clothes for yourself are a necessity. My husband doesn't see himself as being in control of the finances just because he earns it. His view and mine is that I equally deserve the money as I work hard at home.

If he had to pay someone to cook, clean, wash and iron, do the garden and look after the children he wouldn't have much left for anything!

Stella - posted on 04/12/2012

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Don't think you should need to ask for money, we both work but hubby is the bread winner, but I control the finances and sort out all the bills etc. It's very much "our" money, not mine and his. I don't tend to spend much money on myself with clothes etc, but if I need something he just tells me to buy it. Any need for clothing associated with pregnancy I deem a household necessity!!

Elfrieda - posted on 04/12/2012

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Well, I'm glad you're going to sort it out. It's a very strange thought to me that you would be married and have separate bank accounts, but hopefully you come to a good solution. :)

Maggie - posted on 04/12/2012

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We have never had joint accounts. I have a debit card and very Little money in my account, but it is from the little I make. This money usually goes to important things like gas, diapers, my gym membership. Its kind of like my incase of emergency use money. Its never more than a hundred dollars and somtimes there is only enough in there to keep the account open.

I use to work before and maybe that is why I feel odd asking for money. I never had to ask before. I made enough to support me and my girls even have someone else wash my car and eat out for lunch with co-workers before. I dont have that luxury anymore because I chose to stay home with my girls a whole different kind of luxury. Before I paid for the phone and cable and that was all. Husband has now taken over those bills and he even buys everything for the girls. The only time I buy something is if I know I have the money for it and I will just go get it cause I know we need it.

I think I may just sit and talk to him and discuss how I feel about the whole situation. I dont like doing joint accounts because I think its confusing. I might just give him my information and ask him to drop some money in there whenever he can. This way I have money to use when I need it.

Elfrieda - posted on 04/12/2012

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Don't you have a debit card? Or do you do everything with cash to make sure you stay in the budget? I sure would feel weird asking my husband for money like I was his kid or something. Maybe you should have a talk and arrange things so that you don't have to ask for money, but you know how much you can spend without breaking the bank. Unless your husband is a jerk, he'll be relieved to know you worry a little less.



I do feel a bit funny spending money on myself, but I look at it from my husband's perspective: For about 7 months a few years ago, I was the primary bread-winner while my husband was between jobs. I didn't think of it as "my" money, even though it was me who earned it. And I know my husband doesn't think of the money he earns as "his" money. The money belongs to the family, to be spent on what's good for the family and each individual member of the family.



These days I work one day a week, so very part-time, but it's a good feeling to put the money into our bank account. It might be a good idea to put the Avon money into your shared account, just to be able to see it more as "family money" rather than His and Hers. And then buy new clothes when you need them without working out how much you personally have contributed to that bank account and worrying about it. Can you imagine how bad your husband would feel if he knew you were feeling so guilty about something that is really not a big deal? Chances are he knows something's wrong, so why don't you have a talk with him and see what solutions he comes up with.

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