Do you have different rules for dating/going out for teens with special needs?

Emily - posted on 07/06/2012 ( 12 moms have responded )

39

0

3

A friend of mine has a friend who has Asperger's Syndrome. She's 21, still living at home - but her parents don't set any rules or boundaries on dating, or boys and as a result she's kind of looking for love in all the wrong places. She's going through hell at home and in general and I guess she thinks that she can fill the void of love that her parents don't give her with guys. She doesn't have much self respect and is open in the fact that she knows that guys just use her for her body. Is there a way we can talk to her parents about setting rules or offering help or protect her ourselves? She's already seen the bad side in dating (her first boyfriend was touching her inappropriately without asking consent or letting her give consent) which has now shown her that she deserves to get hurt.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Emily - posted on 07/06/2012

39

0

3

her grandparents and all other family live incredibly interstate....and as for the pill they don't want to "allow" her to have sex. Like i said - it's a family of control

Emily - posted on 07/06/2012

39

0

3

Thanks Sharlene. The parents don't really care to be honest - I think they just want to control her but not care. She doesn't go out on 'dates' as such (mainly because our friend tends to be incredibly protective of her in that sense); but she's had a boyfriend before - the guy previously mentioned - who is not special needs. She is mild, she was diagnosed at 13, which was after the sex talk years so I think her parents decided that because she'd heard it (once) at school in year 6, and given a book on sex and puberty that was enough. All her sex education came from our friend after she broke up with the ex. I don't think she's ever had any support besides school work help. She's tried to go to a counsellor before over her aspergers, and other aspects of her life, but was told her problems weren't serious enough, so now her parents turn her away when she says she wants help with everything. They've never really taken care of her emotionally. They say that physically she's fine and that's all she needs. But it's not, and she's made several mistakes because of the lack of care, and like I said in the original post, she's got no self respect or self boundries and she has no idea how to love herself. She pretty much thinks that if she fools around with a guy (or gives him the impression that she will) then he'll just hold her for the night and love her...she's currently casually seeing someone who me and her friend both know is using her for her body; but there's nothing we can really do and her parents just don't care.

12 Comments

View replies by

Emily - posted on 07/30/2012

39

0

3

sorry Sharlene - I don't seem to get notifications when you respond to this thread. and No, she can't. They're refusing to teach her how to cook, or to properly survive outside of their home so she can't move out. I'm not up to the point of moving out myself to be able to help. And I tried the Aspergers/Autism page and it didn't get much response. She kinda crushes on people and then just does whatever she can so that they want to be with her. She's lonely, and as much as we are there, I can't see either me or my friend being in a relationship with her just to keep her safe. Unfortunately that's what it would take. And did I mention that her bio dad left when she was five? she's only seen him once since then. (she's almost 21 now) and her stepdad's kinda a jerk emotionally.

Sharlene - posted on 07/08/2012

3,896

241

825

Hey emily , I really dont know what else to suggest but I seriously feel so heart broken for this girl . Can she move out of her parents house and get own place. And luck with the link I send you.

Emily - posted on 07/08/2012

39

0

3

I can't take her in myself because I'm still living at home. No, she doesn't have any meds (although she probably should for her anxiety) she's working in a child care centre, but no workshops or anything.. and I tried out the link - thankyou. :) and Dove, they've always been as controlling as they can. She's not allowed privacy or shut doors and everyone in her house can enter her room at any time regardless of if she's changing or not. (it's only her, everyone else has more privacy/respect) I am being as much of a protective friend as I can, but when she puts her mind to something she does it, and I can't be there 24/7 when her parents refuse to be. They blame her for her mistakes and tell her it's because she's (Insert name like slut/whore/liar etc.)

Dove - posted on 07/06/2012

11,675

0

1349

She's an adult and if the Asperger's is mild.... there's no reason in the world why the parents should have any control over a 21 year old's life choices. Why don't you just be her friend and support system and offer her the guidance and help that she is looking for?

Sharlene - posted on 07/06/2012

3,896

241

825

Well darls if the parents wont do anything can you take her in. The pill there asking for trouble if they can prevent her getting pregnant. she on any meds for her asperies or does she have a normal job work at a work shop for special needs.

Emily - posted on 07/06/2012

39

0

3

Thanks Sharlene
he parents don't really care to be honest - I think they just want to control her but not care. She doesn't go out on 'dates' as such (mainly because our friend tends to be incredibly protective of her in that sense); but she's had a boyfriend before - the guy previously mentioned - who is not special needs. She is mild, she was diagnosed at 13, which was after the sex talk years so I think her parents decided that because she'd heard it (once) at school in year 6, and given a book on sex and puberty that was enough. All her sex education came from our friend after she broke up with the ex. I don't think she's ever had any support besides school work help. She's tried to go to a counsellor before over her aspergers, and other aspects of her life, but was told her problems weren't serious enough, so now her parents turn her away when she says she wants help with everything. They've never really taken care of her emotionally. They say that physically she's fine and that's all she needs. But it's not, and she's made several mistakes because of the lack of care, and like I said in the original post, she's got no self respect or self boundries and she has no idea how to love herself. She pretty much thinks that if she fools around with a guy (or gives him the impression that she will) then he'll just hold her for the night and love her...she's currently casually seeing someone who me and her friend both know is using her for her body; but there's nothing we can really do and her parents just don't care. The parents don't really care to be honest - I think they just want to control her but not care. She doesn't go out on 'dates' as such (mainly because our friend tends to be incredibly protective of her in that sense); but she's had a boyfriend before - the guy previously mentioned - who is not special needs. She is mild, she was diagnosed at 13, which was after the sex talk years so I think her parents decided that because she'd heard it (once) at school in year 6, and given a book on sex and puberty that was enough. All her sex education came from our friend after she broke up with the ex. I don't think she's ever had any support besides school work help. She's tried to go to a counsellor before over her aspergers, and other aspects of her life, but was told her problems weren't serious enough, so now her parents turn her away when she says she wants help with everything. They've never really taken care of her emotionally. They say that physically she's fine and that's all she needs. But it's not, and she's made several mistakes because of the lack of care, and like I said in the original post, she's got no self respect or self boundries and she has no idea how to love herself. She pretty much thinks that if she fools around with a guy (or gives him the impression that she will) then he'll just hold her for the night and love her...she's currently casually seeing someone who me and her friend both know is using her for her body; but there's nothing we can really do and her parents just don't care.

Sharlene - posted on 07/06/2012

3,896

241

825

@ emily, can you suggest to the parents taking to a clinic and try putting her on the pill. Can she go and stay with grandparents or close family members

Sharlene - posted on 07/06/2012

3,896

241

825

My 3 children have special needs, Not looking forward to them turning 18 yrs but I thought I would give this a crack anyway lol. The parents need to set boundary rules and set up a time for when the daughter comes home from her dates . Does she have the Aspergers mild ?. Also has the parents gave her the sex talk, theres books over the internet about special needs children explaining to parents how to explain puberty sex and dating . On their understanding about the whole birds and bee's. Was her first date she went out with did he also have special needs? Is she part of a peers support group for adults with special needs or even a social worker. Im hoping in the future when my 3 special needs children enter the big world it gets easier.lol. good luck

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms