Do you have two kids or more close in age?

Shantel - posted on 05/12/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My son will be 2 years and 3 months when my next son is born. I have heard this is an awesome age gap, and a lot of moms have told me it was hard emotionally for them especially in the beginning... holding the new baby and seeing your now older baby looking at you, and feeling sad....ect... how did you all feel when you had your second, third, or so on? How did you ease the transition to having another child, and how did your older childeren react? Any information and feedback is really appreciated. I dont want my first son to feel all of a sudden any wierd or unwanted feelings.

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well i would have preferred the two to three year age gap but as fate would have it, our second will be born when our first is about seventeen or eighteen months old, which is fine. i don't think our daughter will be upset about it, she is very social and i think it would be good for her to have a sibling so close to her in age. there won't be any middle child crisis either, as this will be my last one. but i don't predict we'll have too many problems with our daughter accepting the fact that she'll be a big sister. besides, she wants daddy more than mommy as it is, and since mommy will be busy with the other baby, she can spend all her time with daddy without worry.

Tina - posted on 01/19/2012

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My daughter was born 1 week before my sons 1st birthday. It was emotional in the beginning my partner brought our son in to meet our daughter the look I got from him was heatbreaking and for a little while after it felt as though he didn't want a bar of me. You just have to be patient and keep showing them that they are still important to you. The fact that I'd been away from him for a little while then brought another baby home was a little hard for him at first. But it does get better. I always try to let my son get involved when I'm doing anything with the baby. I have to remind him to be gently which is hard at his age. My daughter gets so excited everytime he give her attention. Over time he's gotten better with his sister and wants play with her. It does take time. The thing to remember is it does get better and still try to have one on one time with him even if he doesn't seem like he wants to. He does. Goodluck you'll be fine.

Belinda - posted on 01/19/2012

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There is 14mths between my #1 and #2, then 11mths between #2 and #3....then 22months between #3 and #4 (my youngest arrived 12 days before my eldest's 4th birthday)



Try to involve your older children as much as possible, such as passing nappy/wipes, holding a bottle, fetching a blanket, helping make meals. It gives them a sense of importance while teaching them the rules of how to behave around newborns.



My four are very close and look to eachother for cues to milestones.

My youngest has cystic fibrosis, so we also had to teach the cautions behind that, explain why he eats different food, they pass his medications to me when Im administering and behave very well when I have to do his physio etc.



The biggest thing is how YOU act, make time for your older children. Show them they are still just as important and loved

Iridescent - posted on 05/12/2010

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My first is 11, my second is 9. They are 2 years 3 weeks apart. It was a good gap. Our twins are 3, they were 5 years 10 months apart from the 9 year old. And our other 3 year old is 7 weeks younger than the twins. Those 3 all the same age has been a living hell for a while now, and it's finally starting to get a little easier.

Stina - posted on 05/12/2010

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My first two are 2 years 1 month apart. My second and third are 2 1/2 years apart. I like the 2 1/2 year gap better b/c my middle child seemed like less of a baby than her brother was when she was born. Hard to say if that was her age or the fact that my eldest has some slight delays.

I do love having them close in age. It's amazing how quickly they establish a bond. The older two play with each other really well and now that the baby is a year old and almost walking, she follows them all over the house and peeks out at them when they play in the back yard. They make her laugh and genuinely love her. It's sweet.

To ease the transition, make it a point to spend quality time with the older child. Even if it means putting the baby in a vibrating chair or swing and sitting on the floor nearby with the toddler for a story. When singing to the baby and bicycling his legs, invite big brother to lay down next to him and bicycle his legs too. The baby will still enjoy the sounds and sights of your singing and playing without feeling left out and big brother will feel included- even preferred at that moment.

Make fun things the babies idea. "what's that baby? You think big brother would enjoy a trip to the park? That's a great idea!"

When I had my second, I was afraid I wouldn't have enough love to go around. I was afraid my eldest would feel robbed of my time and attention. When my third arrived, I knew I could make everyone feel loved and included.

If your two yo is in diapers still, combine the changes- any time you change the baby, check the 2 yo. It will help in those first weeks when everything is a blur anyways and you won't be left thinking "OH my gosh, when was the last time I changed my toddlers diaper?"

With my 3rd, I learned that a good comfortable baby wearing devise is indispensable. My favorite is the Moby wrap. It keeps the baby held close where he wants to be and leaves you two hands for holding, cuddling, reading, making sandwiches etc. I think of it as giving yourself two entirely extra hands.

When I went to the hospital to have my third baby, I also had a present "from the baby" for her big siblings. The first time they visited, they got to open a special present.

Kasey - posted on 05/12/2010

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I have 2 daughters that are 18 mths apart & it is the best thing ever! They are very close! I also have 2 boys who are 2 yrs apart, it works out great!

Ashley - posted on 05/12/2010

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I have 2 girls that are 18 months apart to the day nov 6th 07 and may 6th 09 and they get along great the oldest took to the youngest great ,, when they first met the oldest was kinda like well whats that thing because she was only a year and a half but now they are fine

Kristin - posted on 05/12/2010

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Our children are 29 months apart between 1 and 2. 2 and 3 will be about 35 months apart. They are kind of excited and not so by the prospect of a new sibling. After the second was born, I made a point of giving him special one on one time with me. Yes, I tried to involve him with carring for the baby. But that seemed less important than making certain he knew I was still taking care of him too.

The best thing you can do for you son is to let him know that whatever he is feeling is normal and okay. While you can do nothing about what he feels about this new person in his home and your lives, you can tell him and show him you love him. Be consistent with your affection and the discipline. The weird period will be shorter if you do that and just be confident.

We read lots of books on becoming a big brother to our son, especially the "What to Expect When Mommy's having a Baby" (I think) and "What to Expect When the Baby Comes Home." They are both by one of the authors of "What to Expect When You Are Expecting." We prepped them both by touring the hospital Maternity areas and had the older visit before bringing the baby home. We plan to do the same with the one coming in a couple of weeks.

As for holding the new baby and looking at the older child or children, it's bittersweet. You are sad that they are no longer the baby, but they really hadn't been for a while. Enjoy the moment and give them lots of love.

Rylee - posted on 05/12/2010

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Well when my second son was born my oldest was 13 months old and it is not easy espicially if your breast feeding the new baby but the important thing is to make sure your oldest feels like a major part of the babys life by helping you and lovin on the baby and also have time set aside everyday just for you and your older baby it works and its nice because being so close in age they truly teach and rely on eachother you will do great

Helen - posted on 05/12/2010

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Our daughter was 2 years 6 months when our son was born (he's now 15 months) and it's been hard work, just in practical terms but also juggling their (often competing) demands. We bought a few books to prepare her ("There's a house inside my mummy" was great) and tried to make time for each of us to be with her esp. at the time of the birth. We often had the trauma of her wanting to be cuddled by whoever was holding the baby (lots of tears and tantrums over that) or her wanting to hold the baby. Now that DS is older, they share baths and the first thing he wants to do every morning is go into her bedroom. They make each other laugh and she tells us how much she loves him all the time (without prompting). It is hard when they are little and you feel torn that your second one isn't getting the attention your eldest did, but also your eldest is losing out too, but they get so much more from each other, that is it worth it. Be prepared to compromise and accept that your time will be shared between them, and then just relax and enjoy your second child. Be prepared for some jealousy too - maybe aimed at you rather than the baby as it's your attention and time he wants. Without a doubt, the first year can be really hard work at times but it's so great when they're interacting that I can't wait to see what my daughter will teach her little brother next!

Katena - posted on 05/12/2010

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I have 6 boys and 2 of mine are 11 months apart.It was hard in the beginning but I love watching them interact at 4 and 5 years now. They do have their moments. I think this is a good age gap three years was good for me. Congrats and it will work out fine.

Rebecca - posted on 05/12/2010

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My son was 22 months when our daughter was born. We bought the "little critters book, the new baby" and read it to him before the baby came and i think it helped a little. it's a kids book and not long so it worked for us. The first 2 weeks was the hardest for sure. It broke my heart when he wanted me to read him a story and would try to climb on my lap but i was nursing his baby sister so he would have to sit next to me. Now that she is 10 months and he is 2.5yrs old it is MUCH easier. I didn't have a lot of confidence leaving the house alone with the 2 kids when she was in the infant carrier seat but now that she's older and able to hold her head very well it's been great to be able to get out of the house. If you know someone who has had a baby recently i would suggest going over to their place more often and spending time with the baby, or maybe suggest you help your friend by having the baby dropped off to you so she can catch up on sleep. You will be able to see how he reacts. Once the baby is here make sure you enlist him as mommy's little helper. My son loved getting diapers and wipes for me and a blanket if she spit up. Let him hug and talk to your belly and explain there is a baby in there that will be coming to live with you all very soon. Once the baby is here make sure you have help for sure. It will help you adjust to being a mom of 2 and help your son not feel left out.

Good luck and congrats!!!

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