Do you stand up for a child that is not yours when they are being bullied?

Lorraine - posted on 05/09/2012 ( 72 moms have responded )

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If you are a parent waiting for your kids to get off the school bus and you over hear bullying, when do you feel it is right to step in as a parent? Do you let your children and their friends know it is ok to tell you or a teacher or an older sibling that they are being picked on?
I'm grateful the event I'm speaking of was handled correctly by a great Principal but really as a mom I feel it we should stand up for the kids that are being bullied or is it just me that feels this way?

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Sarah - posted on 05/09/2012

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Absolutely step in. If you don't, it condone it and makes it okay for the bully to continue.

Connie - posted on 05/11/2012

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Yes. You need to let the bully know that someone is always watching him/her(whether they know it or not) and that it is NEVER ok. In my opinion, they are all 'my kids'.

Barb - posted on 05/16/2012

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Of course. There is no reason for any child to bully another child. If you don't have the guts to get involved how can you expect your child to help another kid getting bullied? You are there to set the example.

Karen - posted on 05/14/2012

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Having had my daughter bullied in the 2nd grade last year, I would without a doubt step in and say something or step in and then call the police. Bullying has become a a national past time with kids. We taught our daughter to be kind and respectful to all people, however, there also has to come a time for them to defend themselves and have the RIGHT to defend herself. Last year when the school that claims they have a zero tolerance for such acts did basically nothing, I called the police. We live in a very nice area, the school district is one of the top in our state. It doesn't matter, it still happens. So my answer to this questions would be an unequivocal yes I would definitely step in!

72 Comments

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Latisha - posted on 01/28/2014

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I definitely feel that way and I would stand up for another child especially if I see it happening

Rebecca - posted on 06/10/2012

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I would definitely speak to a child that was behaving badly to another child..whether that child was mine or not. Our children also need to know it is okay to stand up for others and not to turn a blind eye to bad behaviour (particularly bullying) and the best way to teach them this is to lead by example.

Minna - posted on 05/30/2012

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Yup- I would want another adult to reprimand my kid if they're being rotten when I'm not around. That includes bullying, bad language,or any behavior that is dangerous or illegal.. I pay the unknown parent the compliment of assuming that they care about this stuff. .........although I have been wrong once or twice.
Hasn't stopped me yet.
If they're large and scary I try to shame them or make it a joke . Minna

Pamela - posted on 05/26/2012

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It takes a village to rear a child. That means that we are all responsible for each other. Of course it is correct. Just as correct as stopping to give aid if you see someone hit or a car accident occurs as you are driving.

Caring for one another is essential and always correct.

Karen - posted on 05/22/2012

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I think parents have every right whether it is their child or not to step in when they witness bullying of any kind! There was a 13 year old girl that killed herself just last month in a town very close to where i live because of bullying. Bullying cannot be accepted or ignored in any circumstances! As a parent myself, i would be grateful of another parent stepping in. Words hurt and the sooner bullying if stopped, the better!

Michelle - posted on 05/22/2012

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As a mom of special needs children I would hope another adult would step in to stop the bullying of my children. I am lucky in that I can stay home with my children right now and I have been able to watch my children carefully. There have been a few times that there were children making fun of or playing too rough with my children. I had to step in to stop the behavior because the other child's parents were not watching.

Thanks for stepping up and stopping bullying when you see or hear it!

Amy - posted on 05/22/2012

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Yes you need to step in. If the parent of the child is not there or a school official someone has to protect our children from bullying. If we as adults and caregivers do not stand up for them then who will. We are the ones who by our actions children will learn to stand up for themselves and that bullying is NOT ACCEPTABLE....

Angela - posted on 05/21/2012

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Completly agree! Anyone who would have an issue with another parent kindly correcting their children is someone who's opinion doesnt matter much anyways. Children should always know they are safe and who is safe to be around. I think we need more moms willing to be a safe place for kids!

Anita - posted on 05/12/2012

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Definitly step in. If you don't others may start bullying the same child and it makes the bully feel its okay to keep behaving in that way.

Janessa - posted on 05/12/2012

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Yes, I can't stand bullying. In fact we've had a recent problem with our little 4 year olds, in which 1 kid has been trying to get my boy and all the others to isolate another and be mean to him, when I found out I came down hard on all of them, but especially the one who started it, and said none of them could play together if they were going to do this. 4 year olds, honestly I think all of them except for the one just thought it was a game. They seemed pretty clueless, I took my son aside later and talked to him about it. Bullying is so mean. Anyways. Hope that helps.\

Mikki - posted on 05/12/2012

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Yes I would and hope another parent would do the same for my kids. Hopefully it will slow down bullying. Parents can create a united front along with the school to stop bullying.

Humaira - posted on 05/11/2012

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Yes I would definitely stand up. Bullies need to be put in place by everyone. They need to know that society as a whole is NOT going to put up with this and that we actually care about each other and not just ourselves and our own children.

Tracy - posted on 05/11/2012

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Anyone who witnesses bullying should stand up for the person being bullied. We need to let the world know that bullying is wrong and will not be tolerated.

Barb - posted on 05/11/2012

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I would not and will not let a child be bullied at any time in my presents. And I will protect any child. There is a saying that it takes a village to raise a child and this is the on example of that. If no one cares where will that child be when later. Perhaps in jail or become an abuser or even dead. We as human beings need to take the responsibility of protecting our children.

Jessica - posted on 05/11/2012

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I would step in an warn the bully of the trouble they'll get into if they keep it up!

Mommy - posted on 05/11/2012

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Hell yeah I would stand up for the other kid...bullies suck. Also, it won't be as if the kid's mom is stepping in, which would make them pick on him/her more. I hate when kids are mean to each other.

Julie - posted on 05/11/2012

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ANY adult should be stepping in when there is abuse of any sort - from kids' peers or adults, right?

(would you want nother adult to step in if your child was being harrassed/bullied - of course!)

User - posted on 05/11/2012

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Personally I would stand up for any kid getting bullied. I just dealt with situation last weekend and had to call the police on an 18 year old that was bullying a friend of my neighbor's son. He showed up and started to pick a fight for no reason and then started to mouth off to me. Luckily the police showed up like lightning and caught all five kids involved. I would do in again in a heart beat. As an adult we have a responsibility to protect any child.

Debra - posted on 05/11/2012

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I would absolutely in any situation stand up for a child. I don't care if it's against their own parent. I have done it and will continue to if I feel the circumstances are out of control. Everyone has the right to protection.

Dawn - posted on 05/11/2012

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Absolutely. It really does take a village and we all need to look out for the little ones. I was at the park with my baby when a 5 year old was being picked on by an older brother and his friends. I told the kids to knock it off and be nice to the kid that was smaller than them. I thought they wouldn't listen since they didn't know me, but the older brother was immediately contrite and they all included the younger brother nicely. Sometimes kids just need to be redirected.

Kathleen - posted on 05/11/2012

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Absolutely! A child is a child. A mom is a mom, and bullying isn't right no matter WHO it's being done to.

Cristni - posted on 05/11/2012

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I stand up against bullies. My husband has a 'talk' with me every holiday season because a few years ago I stood up against some bullies at the mall. He tells me he will only go shopping if I leave me mom/teacher voice at home. I respond,"Then don't give the sixteen year old sales clerk any grief and YOU"LL be fine." ;-)

Cherie - posted on 05/11/2012

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It is my opinion that is takes a village to raise a child.
I have in the past stepped in, and took control of a bullying situation. I let it be known, in no uncertain terms, that this sort of action should not be happening, and I threatened to call the authorities, because there was the beginnings of public damage happening. We have to teach our kids, that we cannot turn a blind eye to situations that need intervention. It is all our responsibilities. Set an example.
Just my thoughts.

Lorraine - posted on 05/11/2012

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I do understand what you are saying. My daughters stood up for the other child and then other kids from the bus stood up and since those bullies got suspended and are not on the bus it is a much smoother point. As a parent it is our responsibility to stand up and direct it the right way, what happened after is the Principal was notified then the kids (good) were called in 1 at a time all the names of the (bullies) were collected and they were suspended. That is how a good school works. I am sorry you had to go through what you did, and you sound like a much more positive person from it. I posed this question because I didn't want to step on another parents toes, but the support from all the moms affirmed my actions and I'm glad I got involved.

Amanda - posted on 05/11/2012

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ok first as someone who was bullied when my mom stepped in it made it worse. Without the support of your friends not much will happen. I found that out when I told my mom I was being called names. My friends never backed me up and they got off cause there was no proof. The next day was the worse day of my life. They called me names wrote things on my desk. Some times parents do need to back off. If it is physical then yes I would step in. But when I comes to name calling they need to learn to stand on their own two feet. I know of someone who was teased all through school and mommy and daddy would step in every time and the kids would be suspended. But it never stopped cause he never said enough is enough and he let it bother him. No matter who would stand up they still picked on him cause he didn't stand up. You can help the victim all you want but they will still be a target until their voice is heard. I know this is true because once I stood up to my bully and called her on what she was saying is a lie and that this never happened, it stopped. My mother stepped in four times but all it took was for me to stand up just once and my friends were behind me. If the victim doesn't tell them to stop and go to the principle chances are it wont stop. At least that is what I have seen from kindergarten all the way up to grade 12. Teach the Victim to have a Voice and others will fallow. Teach the victim to stand beside others who are just like them and bullies will be gone. Kids need to rally together to stop bullying. Parents in all honest will never stop it. They need you to tell them be strong, when those names are thrown your way stand up and say stop it, you only call me names cause you are just like me but don't want people to know. Chances are their bullies are just the same as them. Over weight, don't have lots of money for new clothing, don't have the latest phone or game. They are mad cause of their home life and taking it out on others. And that is also what gets lost when parents step in. We forget why this boy/girl is bully and go straight to suspension or expulsion. Bullies need a voice too they need someone to help them understand what is going on in their own minds. That happened at the junior high i was at these two boys were bullies and had a list of people they wanted to hurt and how. Once someone stood up and went and told the principle what is going on the boys were sent to anger management classes and sent to talk to a psychologist. They were gone for six months but were let back in once they could control their anger. One year later they were the nicest kids in school. Lets not forget that they are bullies for a reason, lets find that reason.

Angela - posted on 05/11/2012

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No it is not just you. One should step in immediately. I am "Old School" and believe that it still takes a village to raise a child. Things with kids can easily escalate and children are not aware of the dammage they may do.

Susan - posted on 05/11/2012

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By standing up for a bullied child you are not only helping the situation but showing kids the right thing to do - that is okay to "tell" on someone. Just moving over to the area that it is happening will stop those kids from doing any harm, most of the time.

Shawn - posted on 05/11/2012

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Lorraine, I know exactly how you feel about the child defending themselves getting suspended too. Two weeks ago a student was choking my youngest son, (now if my son had wanted to he could have hit the other kid and I am guessing it would definitely have ended there considering he has 6 older brothers who have taught him to defend himself quite well), but instead he just shoved the kid away by the shoulders and started to walk off. The principal witnessed it all from down the hall, and told me himself, then proceeds to tell me that my son is receiving 3 days suspension. Yeah, he pushes the kid away and walks away from a fight, and still gets suspended for 3 days. Of course on top of this it counts against his attendance and he is docked late points for the assignments that are assigned and due on those 3 days. Sounds awful but if you're going to do the time maybe you should do the crime. This other kid is a regular bully and maybe one good smack would end it. Shame on me for feeling that way but it's not right for a kid to do the right thing and still be punished.

Yvonne - posted on 05/10/2012

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Bulling is just flat out wrong. Of co
urse if i witness it i will step in and defuse the situation. Why am i afraid of a child and if need be habe a conversation with their parents.

Stifler's - posted on 05/10/2012

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I feel it's right as an adult to step in and tell the bully to step off and give them a lecture. I would do it no matter whose kid it was. It's not right to stand by and watch kids be terrorized by others.

Miriam - posted on 05/10/2012

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I know I would. I would want someone to stop my child if she was bullying someone or vice versa.

Mary - posted on 05/10/2012

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Yes I do feel it is appropriate to intervene, but as a special needs parent I have been told by the whole world that I am,"way too involved and I should let the kids work it our on their own." so many times that I don't know if it would be received well....

Bernadette - posted on 05/10/2012

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of course! We try to teach kids to grow into responsible adults, but if the so-called "responsible" ones won't even stand up for them when there is no one else around to do so, then who will?

Leslie - posted on 05/10/2012

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I agree and so does my husband. I have disabilties and I have never been beat up, but been call names though through out school till I reach college. I prove to the world I can graduate with a degree in childcare. you can do anything you put your mind to.

Terrie - posted on 05/10/2012

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I have stood up for kids being bullied. I would expect someone to do it for my child too. There is no since in a child being harmed when an adult is near by. I figure if something is going to happen, let it happen to me, not the chile being tormented.

Amanda - posted on 05/10/2012

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Definetly I wold totally do something. I would want someone to help my son if he was being bullied.

[deleted account]

By all means stand up for the bullied child. My grandson was bullied, and he was told to tell an adult, but he says the adults never did anything! That is wrong. If you don't step in, you are being a bystander which is a form of condoning it.

Kate - posted on 05/10/2012

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Of course, you should stand up for the child! How could you not do something about it? I could no sooner stand there and let someone (child or adult) be attacked, verbally or physically, and not do something about it than fly to the moon. Kids tried and failed to bully me at school but I was brought up by a very strong woman and just would not allow it. I still do not allow anyone to bully me. I can only hope that I can pass this same attitude on to my young son.

Cyndi - posted on 05/10/2012

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We work on it everyday. My Child has mild Aspergers, OCD and Anixety so kids have told her that she is Weird, stupid and lots of other names. Trying to teach her how to stand up for herself, and help others if she hears them being bullied. She does a good job of helping others but not so much at standing up for herself. Getting friends is hard and somethimes she chooses the wrong ones, trying to tell her they are not a friend, they are mean to her, Telling her that her friend is not a friend is hard when no one else will play with you either. Life should not be this hard at 5 and not even in Kindergarten yet.

Amy - posted on 05/10/2012

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Absolutely! I feel it is every adult's responsibility to take action when action is needed. Whether it is bullying or addressing safety concerns of a child, it is important for adults to get involved to prevent a worse situation. If a parent has a problem with me addressing their child's behavior, I would rather hear their complaints than later hearing that I could have stopped something more terrible from happening. If their parent has a problem with it anyway, then you have found the reason why their child is a bully or they are sensitive because it took you saying something for them to realize the problem.

Tina - posted on 05/10/2012

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I was bought up with " treat others how you would like to be treated" Mrs. Millington, A teacher at school, and it has always stuck with me. I think it should be said a lot more

Kat - posted on 05/10/2012

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Always step in to protect the children from being bullied.. way too much of that going on these days

Lorraine - posted on 05/10/2012

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Well said and thank you, in our school system here if the child stands up then they too are suspended which makes no sense to me and I feel that is why some children stay silent. I'm glad to know that most mom's will stand for a child not their own and for me it give those children a bit of hope that someone is watching their backs

Lisa - posted on 05/10/2012

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I do believe we should stand up for a child who is being bullied regardless of whether or not the child is ours. I have also taught my children to pray for those who bully. I know not everyone is religious but that was my way to ensure that my kids understand that the bully has problems we know nothing about. The kids that i know that bully consistently are bullied in their home life and lash out at those around them. I believe all kids have the potential to test their power in the world by picking on someone younger or smaller that is our responsibility to correct and teach it is so much easier to be kind and we feel better inside when we do.
However, in that one moment when you stand against the bully you teach the poor child who is suffering the bullies attention that it is ok to stand tall but you also teach the bully the right way to be to those around them. Changing both children's' perspective at the same time! Young bullies often grow into old bullies and we as adults have to deal with it daily. It is those that post negatives to posted questions, those that make work life difficult and those that make us feel we lack as parents. Every time we stand strong and don't allow the behavior to continue, we can change the world one child at a time, one moment at a time. Sorry for the long post, I hope I was able to convey correctly what i meant to say. Most parents are so awesome and need to hear it once in awhile.

Lorraine - posted on 05/10/2012

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Vicky,
I did, then basically that evening I started to wonder did I go to far? I am glad what my daughters and I did but you know this society we live in kind of makes you rethink.
Thank you

Katy - posted on 05/10/2012

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I've had older kids bully my toddler at the library before. I definately step in and remind them that my child is littler than them and still learning, but I also remind my toddler not to take toys from other kids as well. Most of the time I've had the other parent step in and say something to thier child. And when my preschooler comes home and complains to me about kids in her class saying mean things, I remind her to tell a teacher and play with some one else. I did talk to the teacher after my preschooler came home in tears one day. The teacher was great and said she knew the situation and was correcting it and I haven't had any problems since. I step in whether it's my kids or not.

Vickie - posted on 05/10/2012

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I do definately get involved. I will stand up right there. Put the kids in their place and then contact the school or the parent. It is not okay to hurt and belittle others and the sooner they learn this the better.

Carrie - posted on 05/10/2012

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"In order for evil to flourish, all that is required is for good men to do nothing." ~ Edward Burke

As a person who has been bullied (and in turn bullied those "lower" than me, because that's the cycle that is created) I would have loved for someone to stand up for me or even beside me.

"Treat others as you would like to be treated" ~ The Golden Rule

If only adults would do this, then maybe our children would too.

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