Do you think it is okay to "give your kids everything they want?"

Ev - posted on 12/29/2015 ( 14 moms have responded )

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Do you think it is good to give your kids everything that they ask for? Its sad to see a generation that is producing kids that through fits of a 2 year old when they do not get what they want when they want it. They expect it or think the world owes them things. They do not have manners, they do not show respect, they do not honor their parents, they do not show gratefulness.

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Michelle - posted on 12/29/2015

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I disagree Nancy, my children have been taught manners before they could talk. If they wanted something and I said no then it was no. Yes we had tantrums but they didn't last long when they realized it wouldn't work. My kids stopped having big tantrums from about 3/4 and know that they won't get things they ask for during the year. My answer is always: You have Christmas or your birthday coming up, I'll let people know.
They are happy wait. As I see it, they enjoy it more if they have to wait for it instead of just getting it when they want.
My children are now 14.5, 12 and 6.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/30/2015

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I'm gonna monitor this one...I'd love to see some of the excuses of the overly permissive parents!

My answer? Absolutely not. Even so, without us being those overly permissive, spoiling parents, I've got one who seems to think the world is owed to him...LOL...he's being disabused of that notion, and finding that adulthood is exactly what his parents said it would be.

My kid's problem is that he sees his friends' overly permissive parents and assumes that we're the same...

Jodi - posted on 12/29/2015

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It is NOT showing love to give your child everything they want. They learn by going without sometimes. They learn patience. They learn respect. They learn that they can't always get their own way. I think there is a huge issue of parents giving everything a child wants, and then wondering why, at 12 years old, they all of a sudden are rude, arrogant, throwing tantrums and refusing to comply with household rules. Children need to learn discipline from a young age. You can't just decide that when they are 12 and suddenly demanding that you can start then. Too late.

My children learned please and thank you from the moment they could talk. To suggest that children can't learn manners as toddlers is ludicrous. Toddlers can learn to express their emotions APPROPRIATELY, rather than through tantrums. It takes time, but they can. It isn't okay to just say, oh, you can throw a tantrum whenever you choose because you are only young. No, it is your role as a parent to teach them alternative ways to communicate their frustrations. Continuing to allow the tantrums gives them the message that acting like that is okay.

If they throw a tantrum because they don't get what they want, then giving them what they want is teaching them they can throw tantrums and be rewarded for it. It's not showing them love. A parent who loves their child will teach them other ways to meet their needs.

Sometimes in life you just have to "suck it up". There is absolutely no harm in children learning that lesson too.

Clearly Nancy only has very young children. I wish you luck.....

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/31/2015

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I will admit, my kids get a lot of what they want. Usually it is for b days, and Christmas. When we go out to stores, and they have been particularly good, we sometimes buy them a small thing they may want. Often times, my daughter will find something in the store and carry it around. She has done this since she was 2. She knows she has to put it back at check out, or hand it to the cashier. She never expects to get it, but always has to ask...sometimes she will get it as a surprise. Same goes for my son. He doesn't carry things around like she does.

I have no problem doing this, because they don't EXPECT it. They understand the rules. It is only on occasion. They also do the activities that they like. We do the best we can. I am in school full time, and not working very often. Money is tight. Activities are expensive. Once I am out of school, and find a job in my new career, i will be able to afford having them doing a lot more activities. I really look forward to that.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/30/2015

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Somehow, I knew you'd be able to relate, Jodi! I have to fill you in on his latest...

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2015

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"I've got one who seems to think the world is owed to him"

OMG, I have one of those right now too....it's hard work parenting one of those children who is legally an adult, wants all the rights, but when it comes to the responsibilities......

Ev - posted on 12/30/2015

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I think we all want to give our kids what we never had and I think it depends on what we never had. If it is material things, I would say no, a kid does not need it handed to them on a silver platter. If it is a better education or access to better resources to do things or a special hobby, by all means with some expectations of course.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/30/2015

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This is a tough one. No I don't. But also, I didn't grow up with privileges and often want to give my kids what I never had.

MaryAnn - posted on 12/30/2015

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No. Flat out no. Some behaviours should be rewarded, sure. Gifts at holidays are nice. Children need to learn how to want, work and get.
Im not made out of money, we dont have space, you cant live on chocolate.

Ev - posted on 12/29/2015

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Nancy--you can expect some form of manners out of toddlers. You can model the right sort they should know and learn. And in some cases, as Dove mentioned, there are circumstances that enhance some behaviors that have to be worked on. But giving in and letting kids have what they want when they want it is not showing them love. Its just quieting the child down so they do not have to deal with it and I see it all the time from toddlers up to teens. They think because parents have given in to them for so long they need everything they eye in the store. They are not taught they do not need so much stuff. Not all kids are like this but this latest generation is not that great.

Dove - posted on 12/29/2015

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And as far as throwing fits like a 2 year old goes... yeah, he used to do that and still does on RARE occasion at almost 8... BUT he also suffers anxiety and depression and extreme fits are one of the ways that young kids express their anxiety and depression. I admit to 'manipulating' life when he was younger to NOT have him start a fit... but w/ time, maturity, and 6 months of counseling last year... he's come a long way... and so have I as far as parenting him goes, but dang it was really, really rough there at 4-6 years old. ♥

Dove - posted on 12/29/2015

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Absolutely not. If I gave my son everything he 'wanted'... he would have had close to 1000 Christmas gifts. lol

He looks through Amazon and puts everything he wants/likes on one of two wish lists (a general one that he can make as long as he wants and a 'special' one that must stay at or under 3 pages long)... and that is where I go to look when it's time for birthday or Christmas presents... or I'm making an order and need something cheap to get free shipping.

He is certainly more 'spoiled' than his big sisters, but I've always been a 'less is more' type of parent. I got the girls surfboards for Christmas, so I told them they really wouldn't have much else and they were like... that's OK, we don't care about stuff. ♥

Nancy - posted on 12/29/2015

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I believe expecting manners from a toddler is too much to ask for. Kids until age of 4 are still learning very basic thing about life and should be able to show their emotions. Giving them everything may not be right but may be it's the parents way to show love.

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