do you think that everybody must have a sister or brother???
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Yesim - posted on 12/02/2008
we decided to have just one child and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
Ayla, my daughter has a lot of interaction with other kids and she's great in sharing and respecting other kids and (adults) private space. And she sure doesn't get anything she wants. It's just a matter of educating and parenting.
Ruth - posted on 12/02/2008
I just read all the posts here and there are some interesting perspectives. I'll add one more. My husband and I planned on having two children, but finances and my health ended up limiting us to one. He's nine now, and our biggest challenge has been socializing him. Because he's alone most of the time, he has a hard time playing with groups of children. However, he's fine one-on-one. We are part of a great church and have involved him with Cub Scouts since second grade. We strive to make sure he has play dates and he's been to several sleepovers. He does get very lonely and he used to ask for a sibling. But then several friends told him they are envious of him because their brothers and sisters are a pain! We also got a cat to give him a playmate when his friends aren't around. Both of us have siblings and dysfunctional families. We know he's missing out on having companionship, but we're trying to provide a healthier environment than what we grew up with. We have confidence that he'll be just fine.
I've been asking myself the same question but what I get from the posts here are a few simple messages:
1. Interaction with other kids around the same age is important regardless of the relationship. M mother met a woman in hospital while having me and after having babies on the same day stayed friends for life. We grew up together, shared birthday's and although we are very different we are still in contact.
2. Siblings can often be so different that just the fact that they are related does not guarrantee a good relationship. I have 3 siblings and am not particularly close to any of them as far as a friendship goes. I love them to pieces and would stand by them but as the eldest i tend to have more of a caretaker role than a friendship one, even as adults.
3. It is important to think about other factors such as the tyoe of child you already have, your financial situation etc. One of my younger brothers could of easily been an only child as he much prefered playing on his own regardless of how many children were around. Other children prefer company.
4.It is mopst important for mum and dad to be happy and sane - if that means just one or perhaps a gap before having more to allow your body to recover and have some sleep and non-nappy ,non-breatfeeding time (which is what I plan to do) then I think that's what should happen. In the end nobody can judge what is best for us but us.
But in saying that it's great to read about other people's experiences!
Shannon - posted on 12/02/2008
I have only one child, and I was an only child. I'll tell you that you can grow up a well adjusted person as an only child. Whenever people would say to me, "Why did your parents only have ONE kid," (always very snotty), I'd just tell them that they achieved perfection the first time, so they didn't have to keep trying!:-)
User - posted on 12/01/2008
As a single parent, having another child is completely out of the question for me. If someday I meet someone and we make the decision to have a child then so be it. If not then that is fine too. I think that you just need to try not to spoil an only child too much and give them plenty of opportunities to socialize with other children.
Selina - posted on 12/01/2008
My husband and I believe that our little one should have a sibling. I grew up with a little sister, and in the beginning I didn't like the thought (being 6 yrs old), but now that we're both grown up, I'm glad she's around. The only thing is, we don't want our little one having a huge spread in age, because we want them to be close. But its definitely a good thing for them to have the company-when the parents aren't around anymore, they still have their sibling(s).
Debbie - posted on 11/30/2008
No..i have had a dilema..i only have One child, at he is all ineed and want, i would like to be able to afford to give him, Private Schooling, and buy him a house, and the things in life that are so hard or near on impossible if i had Two, i was feeling guilty, and maybe i still will, but i have come to realize, i will faced with different problems in different situations, in this instance, he may be lonely more than most, in the situation of having a sibling, he may fight constantly with sibling, I could take my son to playgroups, daycare etc, where there are other children to play with if this life is to lonely for him, the demands of children are so different to when where all growing up, its harder in today's struggling economy to have more than one child.
Sabina - posted on 11/30/2008
My husband and I are more than happy with just one child. I have one sister and we never got along and therefore never really played together. Actually, our parents had to keep us apart most of time just to keep peace and I ended up being very close to my dad and my sister ended up very close to my mom. I think we both ended up missing out on time and activities with both parents. Even now as adults, my sister and I do not see eye to eye and honesty, if we were not related, we would never bother with each other. We have such different personalities. My dad on the other hand is an only child and he believes that having a second child just to give your firstborn a sibling is wrong. My husband is one of eight kids and he is fine with having just one because he feels that more people in the family, more drama & stress. My son is the sweetest, happiest boy and I think with his personality, he would have made a great second child. He loves playing with older kids (he will be 3 in January and prefers to play with a 5 year old) even though there are plenty of kids his age around. He is very social and always makes friends easily at the playground or anywhere we go, so I figure he will have friends. I have friends I am closer to than to my sister... I think everyone knows best what is right for their family but I cannot see having a second child just to give your first born a sibling.
need?...no.i was an only child.i take that back i had two half brothers whom i never met untill i was 12.i was very lonely.very.but my parents werent that sociable with other people.so im sure if i had more "play dates",it would have been different.
you have to want another child.do not have a child for someones else.make sure it is something all three of you want.im that type of person that loves to be around everyone and never be alone,but some love being alone.being the only child gave me over the top care and attention.the more you have the harder it is to give them all that you would if you only have one,but iether situation,a big family or not,has ups and downs.i dont think it would be horriable iether way as long as she has friends...everyones oppinion yours your husband and daughters counts when it comes to wanting another addition.for me as a mom of two it was hard to adapt sence there was only one child in my houshold growing up.form the heart of someone who was the only child i always longed for a sibling.my parents never could have another and in the end i was fine.do what feels right for the whole family.
Laura - posted on 11/30/2008
Having a sibling is not something that can be replicated, there is no substitute that's the same, so my first inclination would be to say everyone ought to have two if they can.
However, more important than a sibling is a sane mother and if it's not in you to have two, then don't do it.
Amie - posted on 11/30/2008
I myself have 3 kids and one more on the way. My entire family actually, extended included, has multiple children. Anywhere from 2 to 5 children. We're stopping at 4 though. =) It's a lot of responsibility and children are not cheap. It's not something a lot of parents like saying out loud but if you can't afford them don't have them. There are pros and cons to having children though, my kids can keep themselves distracted with each other but can also have some nasty fights. It's entirely up to you and your partner whether you want more though. While some kids hate growing up alone others don't. There's also those who hated growing up with siblings too. So it's not entirely accurate one way or the other it's just a personal choice. =)
User - posted on 11/30/2008
I firmly believe that everyone needs a sibling. I am an only child and have hated it my entire life. I begged my parents for a brother or a sister. I told them I didn't care which one I just wanted one (or more). I was always so lonely and still am actually. I do have some cousins that I am close to but it's not the same. I have recently dealt with my uncle's death and he had 2 children to comfort each other. My parent's comforted each other and I was left on my own to grieve. I've told my parent's repeatedly that when my cousin's families have bad things happen (to their parents) they will have each other to lean on and deal with the details but when something happens to them I have no one and it's not fair. I feel slighted and that I have missed out on some of the most precious things in life. I have tried to fill that void by being close with my cousins or with some friends but it still isn't the same. There is no one that I have that special bond with and honestly I feel left out of a lot things. I hope this gives you an idea of one side of being an only child.
Kelsey - posted on 11/30/2008
My gosh, no! Families are full of love and support no matter the size. I have to agree with Megan in saying that it is important that they have a play group. If they are in daycare, church group, playdates, whatever.....just keep them involved. They learn so well from interaction with others their age.
Megan - posted on 11/30/2008
I was an only child until my "surprise" brother was born. We are 19 years and 6 months apart in age, so it's actually like we are both "only children." As an only child, I was lonely. I never had anyone to play with and my parents didn't have any friends with kids my age either so I spent a lot of time with adults. If you chose to stay at one...PLEASE make sure they have a circle of friends to play with on a regular basis.
Sherra - posted on 11/30/2008
I thought it was lonely growing up as an only child, and I always wanted a brother or sister. I remember feeling jealous of my BF in 3rd grade because she still had someone to play with she got home and I didn't. I also worried that my kids would not have any cousins because I did not have any siblings. I finally got two step sisters when I was 12 yrs old when my dad remarried. I knew that I did not want to have only one child. When my daughter had her 1st b-day we decided to try for a bro or sis for her. She has a brother 20 mos younger than her and she loves him. I am happy that they can play together now. They already have something together that I never had. I hope to give them more bro and sis in the future.
Jennifer - posted on 11/30/2008
Yeah I feel the same way I always worry that my daughter will need some one some day when she is older.. but I really do only want one child for now..... I may change my mind someday but she will be older by then.... she is just about to turn 6 and I think she enjoys being the only child... How about yours??
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