Do you wish you had waited to have a baby?

Autumn - posted on 12/29/2010 ( 27 moms have responded )

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Hey, I was just wondering how many mothers, young, old, rich and poor, wish they had waited longer for children?. I am 18, married, own our home, cars paid off and have plenty of family time. I am personally glad I had my son when I did. I was 16 at the time. I turned 17 shortly before having my son.

I meant my husband on my 15 birthday and not long after that we where engaged. I have always been ahead of my time you could say. I grew up fast, because I had to with my home life. I was a very mature young woman at the time of meeting my now husband. I was already taking care of my little brother and sister, while my mother worked. I had all the same responsibly now, that I did then, so its no different for me.

I will go with my husband and son to all the places mothers hang out and the one thing I hear most is "I wish I had waited to have my son/daughter. I didn't get to do this or that." I just don't understand it. A lot of people tell me, I was to young to marry or to young to have a child and I will regret it one day. That one day I will wish I had waited and I look at those people and laugh. I am from a poor family, and growing up the way I was I did not care for school or doing anything with my life. I just wanted to pack up and leave my family behind. I was not going to be able to go to collage or travel the world. I did not have the money and never would. I did not have the want to. When I meant my husband that changed in me. We started to make plains for a life together and all the things we wanted for our lives. A steady home, and children were at the top of our list. We have both of those things now and we are both so insanely happy. We are able to do things now, that I would have never dreamed of. I see old friends that I had not seen in years because they moved away from me when I was younger and I had know way to get a hold of them. I have all the things I could have ever wanted for my life, and so much more, and I have most of those things thanks to my son and my husband. If I had not had my son, Daniel I am sure that I would not have had the will in me to make it work so much with my husband. He is a wonderful guy, helps me in every way and even goes out of his way to help me.



Alright so enough about me and my reasons. The question as I asked before.



How many of you, mothers wish you had waited to have your children, and why do you wish you had waited? How many of you are married, single, I guess just tell me your story.



Blessed Be

Autumn

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Every mother has different stories and circumstances. Some women are ready to be mothers at a young age, some are not. I was definately career oriented and definately still partying in high school & college. I did not get married until I was 26, although we started dating when I was 20. I didn;t have my son until 32 years old, but also had fertility issues prior to that. It would have been nice to have a baby a few years earlier, but it didn;t happen that way. But one concern I have when I hear about very young mothers is education, life experience, and work experience. Not that it's bad, but it's limited. God forbid something should happen to your husband, are you prepared to enter a competative work field in a career position? Not necesarrily a job, but a permanent career?

Mary Renee - posted on 12/31/2010

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Honestly, I wish I would have waited. My daughter is the center of my life and she's all I want right now. I want her specifically, I wouldn't have wanted to have waited and to have had a different child, but I want and love her. So it's a difficult question.



I got pregnant my senior year of college. I had so much ahead of me, I was the News Editor of the University newspaper, I had internships with the daily newspapers lined up. I had a job waitressing right on the beach - not that I wanted to keep that as a carreer but it paid the bills.



I was living with my boyfriend and we had (and still have) a lot of problems between us. He's Italian and very "traditional" you might say, regarding women's job to be taking care of the house and being seen but not heard and keeping their mouth shut since they are being "taken care of." I'm sure there are other women that would be ok with this but I was always very independent and passionate and feminist and even an overachiever when it came to school and my future.



As a result my dreams, the jobs, the internships (which started the same day she was due) were thrown out the window while my boyfriend still has every abililty to pursue his dreams. I followed my boyfriend to Hawaii while all my family and friends that might have been able to help me with my daughter are 5000 miles away on the east coast. I have no one to babysit if I need to go to a doctor's appointment or even just want a moment for myself.



When my daughter was 2 months old my boyfriend decided it would be his dream to open a store, so he opened a minimart in the city where he works from 9am till 10pm mon-sat. I am basically a single mom every day besides sunday (and besides the financial help I get from her father)



But my freedom to pursue my ambition is gone for the moment. One day I will have a good fulfilling job, one day I will get to enjoy an hour for myself, one day she'll be starting school. But I think parenthood, in many cases, effects women a lot more than men and I still had a lot of "me" years I could have enjoyed.



I mean, I hate to say it because it sounds so shallow now but the days of me being able to go enjoy a concert with friends and then going to a bar or a party afterwards in my cute dress and heels and coming home at 2 in the morning... that will never happen again till I'm an old maid. Unless anyone knows a babysitter that wants to work until 2am...



I think maybe it's easier if you don't know what you're missing. I had a lot of fun feeling that freedom with my friends, and when you turn 21 that's just the begining! I enjoyed getting dressed up and looking cute and talking to people are parties and finding that one deli that's opened till 3 in the morning where you can get eggs and bacon with your girls. Now I'm lucky if I get a chance to wash my face.



That said, I love my daughter more than anything, and because of that, it wasn't difficult at all to quit drinking and smoking cigarettes cold turkey. I mean, when you become a mom your life changes entirely from being about you to being about another person and I think your teenage years and even your early twenties are for you to discover who you personally are and that "me" time is an important part of discovering our identity.

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Tyrae - posted on 01/27/2011

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I am really happy with when I had my daughter (she's now 2 months old). My fiance and I had been trying for a year, (3 pregnancies but 2 miscarriages in that year) and exactly one year after my first miscarriage I found out I was pregnant with my daughter and I was ecstatic. I'm 21 now and turning 22 in April.

Meredith - posted on 01/27/2011

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I was 29 when I had my first, and I just had my 3rd at the age of 36, and I sometimes really wish I started earlier myself. Like around my mid 20s

Evalena - posted on 01/27/2011

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It sounds like things are working well for you! Congratulations! I was 17 when I got married and 19 when I had my first child and 21 when I had my second child. When I was 20, my husband left me for another woman, I was pregnant at the time. Here I was a high school drop out, single and two daughters and no way to get a job. That was 35 years ago and there were no fast food places or a way to get employment easily. I found a roach infested place to rent for fifty dollars a month and I was receiving about 30 dollars a month child support. Then 4 months after my divorce I met a man who wanted to marry me and I felt I had no other option in order to take care of myself and my daughters. We got married when I was 21 and I had my third daughter when I was 25. After I married my second husband I made up my mind to get some education in case I ever needed to support myself. I obtained a Licensed Practical Nursing degree. Then a few years later I got my Registered Nurse degree and then on to my bachelors in nursing. Then 20 years later I found out that my husband was molesting my oldest daughter. So here I was, single again but this time I was able to support myself and my daughters. I am now married to a wonderful man who I love dearly and he loves me the same and he treats all of us so wonderful.
Now here I am a grandmother of 6 and a great grandmother of a two and a half year old.
Now you ask if I wish I had waited! Definitly I should have waited and and got my education first. It is so hard to work, go to schood and take care of a family at the same time. Now my daughter had her first baby at 17 and then her son had his first baby at 18. We all should have waited but I would not trade anything for the family I now have.
I am ever so thankful that all is well with your family but I would seriously recommend you getting your GED and some training or college in the event you should ever need it.

Angie - posted on 12/31/2010

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No, I was 25 and married 3 years when our son was born. My only regret is that I didn't have a child between my first and second child. Sometimes, I feel like someone is missing from my family.....

Bridget - posted on 12/31/2010

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Well Autumn I wish that I would hade waited to have kids as well i love them but if i could turn back the hands of time.

Lydia - posted on 12/31/2010

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I am 25, married 3 years in March and have a 9mo daughter and a second baby on the way. I wouldn't change a thing!

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I was married at 22, first child at 23, 2nd at 24, 3rd at 27 and 4th at 28, and now I am a gramma for the first time at 50. Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing!!

Leslie - posted on 12/30/2010

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I been with my man for seven years, but marriedfor four. We been wanted to start a family since we started dating and I would not matter if we had the money or not. I would have made it work. I just gave birth to my girl at 28 been wanting children since i was 16. Just could not find Mr. Right till I was 23 yrs old and i met him at work. He been my boss for four years now and he just tell us what to do. He was not the boss when we meant, in fact i got him to behave himself to get that position. Our boss Melissa told him to ask me out and I was taken at the time, but a week letter my boyfriend broke it off. I didn't like Scott at first as a my boyfriend, but thought what the hell you want to date anyways i ask him. He said sure. By that christmas we have fallen hard for each other, but had a fight the second week in december of 03. We took a break for a week. I finally had enough lord in my dream please tell me is this my dream guy, my night in shining armor, my true love, etc. Well I had a dream we were suppose to be married. I knew from then on I have found my guy. After the week I went over to his apt and we chat. I wanted to leave him because it was not working, but then he did something I been every guy I have ever dated. he started to cry, not just a tear, he broke down crying and said don't leave me. I knew he was the one. I ask him to marry me that christmas and he said yes. We didn't get married till 05. It was a great wedding either though my mom was trying to plan it like hers. So we are renewing our vows when my daughter six. We will be on ten years. I'm done with college and he half there, but we both work fast food. It pays the bills and we may not like the job all the time, but it a job. No mom ever said we are too young and I don't ever wish I have waited to have children. It just god told me in a dream what age I would start having children, but I didn't think it was true. Now since ever dream with Scott has come true. Now I'm going to trust my dreams and god. I had the dream I would start having children at 27. Well I was just about to ask for help the month of my 28 birthday and I got pregnant three weeks before my 28th birthday. I'm like you got to be kidding. It is finally happening to me I can't believe it. I'm a mother. I been wanting children for a while since my college education is in childcare. I want to work at a daycare. My husband has been there for me and my family my think he does not care, but he shows in his own way. He stop working his till one day at work when I faint online to make sure I was ok. I been in two car accident since then by other people faults. I almost died in one this past october, but god had a plan I would have live to give birth to my girl. Now I have a reason to wake up every morning.
ask me anything.
Leslie

Sherri - posted on 12/30/2010

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Married now got married when my oldest was 7mo's old and I do NOT wish I had waited still married 13 yrs later w/a total of 3 children. Things happened when they should have for us.

Firebird - posted on 12/30/2010

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I wish I had waited. I had her when I was 19. Now at 25 I'm still too impatient, and with an Autistic daughter, that's not good. It's not fair to her. But on the other hand, I love my daughter more than anything and if I had waited, she wouldn't be who she is. I wouldn't change that for the world. I left her dad about 18 months ago, when I decided that I wanted more kids, just not with him. Long story, that I won't annoy you with.lol I dropped out of high school when I was 17 and I've regretted that ever since. When I left, I had nothing. I've got very little work experience ( another long story), and my social skills got flushed down the toilet years ago. I'm still not ready for another baby yet, I need to work on me first. I need to at least slightly resemble the person I was before I met that douche bag, but I've still got lots of time, so I'm waiting until I'm good and ready. )O(

Harriet - posted on 12/30/2010

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i was 19 when i had my fist daughter i am 26 now i have 2 girls ive been with married for 3yrs in may and have been with him for 8 years i would change a thing i have never been happier and i wouldnt change a thing

Rhiannon - posted on 12/30/2010

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I had my daughter at 18 and was a single mother by the time she was 11 months old, her father was in the RAF and the uniform went to his head he thought he was gods gift and me and my daughter were in his way.

I have since met a lovely man who treats my daughter like his own and has done since the day he met her (she was 4 and is now 9)

Being on my own when she was small was hard but i wouldn't be without her for the world, sometimes i lack patients and im probably not the very best mum in the world but i do my very best :)

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There are pros and cons to having them young, and pros and cons to having them older. I didn't wait on purpose, but the way my life worked out, I didn't have my son (my only child so far) until I was 36. It wasn't anything I intentionally set out to do, I just had a problem getting and staying pregnant. One thing I do know is that if I had had children when I was younger, like late teens or early 20's, it probably would have been harder because I was in no way ready to be a parent back then. I had lots of issues that I was working through and having a child on top of that would have been too much. The benefit for me, having my son at a later age, is that I got all of the "crazy" out of me first. I lived only for me, partied, did what I wanted, went where I wanted, saw some of the world and basically enjoyed my freedom for the first 18 years of my adult life. I also learned a lot, matured a lot and basically was just at the right place, right time, right guy to have a kid. With him (my husband), we never tried. We've been pregnant 3 times and have one beautiful boy to show for it and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm currently also "not trying" for another :P

September - posted on 12/30/2010

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We had our son because we were ready to have children so no I do not wish we would have waited. I meet my husband when I was 16 I was with him for 13 years prior to having children. We married in 2004, bought our first home and car in 2004 and both had stable jobs. We enjoyed 4 years of marriage and then decided to have children, I was 29 and my husband was 31, I always wanted children before turning 30, I just made it! We have an amazing 2 year old little boy and plan to try for another in early 2011. We love being parents! :)

Sarah - posted on 12/30/2010

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Nah, I'm very happy with the way I did things. I got married at 22 (almost 23) & had my first son when I was 25. I got to experience high school & college, I graduated college & worked in the "real world" for awhile before having my first child.



I think each person's situation is different. I wouldn't have been ready to have a child at 16 or 17...and probably not even in my early 20s. But, there's nothing wrong with those who do. It just wasn't for me. Sometimes I do wonder what things would have been like if my husband & I would have gotten married and had kids sooner.

Danielle - posted on 12/30/2010

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I have no regrets, or what ifs, about when i had my kids. I met my husband when i was 17, he was 19. We are both the kind of ppl that are more mature for our age. We moved in together about 7 months later. I was with him for 5 years before we decided to get married. Shortly after the wedding he hurt his back and needed spinal sugery, or he would have ended up parapaligic. We were told about 3 months after the surgery by his surgon, that if we wanted kids in life, which we did, that we would have to start asap. Because of the injury it had left him with some prostate issues, and the drs were not sure if his sexual functions would continue to operate in the future. So we started to try and were pregnant 2 months later. That was just about 4 years ago now. I am 26 and expecting our 3rd child in August. No, I dont wish I had waited. I have always knowen that I wanted kids, it was a bit earlier then I was thinking, but some times life throws you a cruve ball, and you just have to roll with it!

Iysha - posted on 12/30/2010

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boy do i wish I would have waited....I'm actually considering leaving my fiance, well, telling him to leave. I'm 22, had my daughter when i was 21 and met him when I was 19. She was sort of planned...I stopped BC and we decided that when she came, she came...and i found out I was pregnant 1 1/2 months later. I wish I sould have waited to see what kind of person he really was and took the time to live with him for a longer period of time. If it wasnt for me having a baby on the way, I would have left him a long time ago....he isnt a bad person, but he has made the most unbelievably horrible decisions in his life, both before he met me and after and even after our child was born. I cant say I am in love with him anymore and find myself wishing I would have taken my ex up on his offer to start dating again when I had just met my now fiance. The only reason I wont leave him is that he doesnt have a job currently, he's in a less than perfect situation with his family, he is a great father now, and spends all his time with our daughter and I'd hate to take that away from him. Having a baby really complicated things more than they were before....I could be happy and he would be gone and I wouldnt give it a second thought but I have her to think of and him since she will be seing him half the time. I feel responsible for his decision making...IfI am with him, things are likely to turn out okay for him, if i'm not with him he is likely to revert to his old ways and he would be an unfit parent and my daughter would not be able to know her father.

so yeah, I wish I would have waited to have her when i was in a better relationship with someone who I can see myself being with forever.

Bonnie - posted on 12/30/2010

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In a way yes, in a way no. I always knew that I wanted to get married and start having kids at a younger age. I had found out about my first pregnancy when I turned 25. So I wasn't too young, but he also wasn't planned. Within a six month period, I had moved in with my fiance (at the time), got married, and gave birth to my son. It was a busy year. I wouldn't change anything for the world though.

Jocelyn - posted on 12/30/2010

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If I could have the exact same kids, I would have preferred to have them....5 years later than I did. I was 18 when I got pregnant, and I didn't get to do any of the things I'd dreamed about. But on the other hand I look at my older friends who are just having babies now and giggle at them because I'll be childless before I'm 40 and they'll have kids in elementary when they're 40 :P

Ashley - posted on 12/30/2010

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we had our children young I guess .. of course I didnt feel like it was that young our first was born when I was 19 I had already got my grade 12 and was on my way to bigger things that I wasnt ready for lol ( I am talking about scool not the baby)my family was pushing the life they wanted for me and i was following because I didnt know how to tell them what I really wanted.. I had no clue what I wanted to be when I grew up lol and still dont all I knew is we wanted a baby.. so weeks before I had to pick which school I was going to attend me n my now husband found out we were having number 1 of course to this day my family n his feel like we f-ed up a bit but they love Keira with all their heart well most of them (thats another story) having Keira made it possible to go on my path of life I wanted I was able to move away from my mom and get our own place my husband has a great job and we now have 2 little girls who fight all the time lol ..but I wouldnt change them or when I had them for the world ..... I am so glad how things worked out

Lissa - posted on 12/30/2010

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I had mine at 17, 24,25 and have friends now in their thirties just having a first baby or trying to get pregnant. One thing I didn't think of having them so young is that here I am hormones raging wishing I could have another. Practically I don't want another baby, they are all in school and I am planning to go back to full time education in 18 months but the reality is I am so broody and if we hadn't already fixed it so we can't have more I would surely be pregnant by now. Luckily I have an incredibly nice supportive husband who I have talked this over with. He says maybe hormones maybe more than that so lets see how you feel in a years time and if you still want to do it we will see if we can.
I certainly think I would be more confident about everything but I think that comes from having three not my age.

Laura - posted on 12/30/2010

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I'll throw a monkey wrench into your question--I DID wait to have my daughter and often wish I had had her earlier in life! Not by a lot, but certainly younger than I was. I had her at 32 and though the pregnancy was pretty easy, it might have gone easier if I were in my twenties. Of course the advantage of having kids later in life is that it helps keep you feeling younger at times! Now if I only LOOKED as young as I feel... : )

Louise - posted on 12/30/2010

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I met my husband at 15 and bought our first home at 18 married at 19 and had my first son at 21 another at 24 and at the time it seemed a natural progression for us. Now aged 40 I have added another baby of 2 years old and I can honestly say that I wish I had waited to have my older sons as I have missed travelling the world and finding me because of monetary restraints. I love my sons dearly and we have a great relationship now they are 19 and 16. I really wanted another baby I suppose the empty nest syndrome kicked in and I would not be without her. Looking back I suppose we all have an attack of the grass always looks greener in somebody elses life. I think my husband feels he has missed out on playing the field being married so young. Regrets no but what if's yes!

Joanna - posted on 12/29/2010

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I wish I would have waited. I had my daughter when I was 23, not too young nor old. But I hadnt learned patience. I wish I would've waited a couple more years, been a little wiser and more patient.

Amanda - posted on 12/29/2010

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I had my son when I was 17, found out I was pregnant with him when I was 16. His father was 15 when he was born. We had only been together 4 months when we found out. My parents had just divorced, and my mom and me weren't on very good terms at the time. My dad was my sole support through majority of my pregnancy. My ex dropped out of school to work fulltime. I was a senior when I had my son, and I graduated on time with my class because my grandpa told me I was going to graduate and make something of myself. I did and the day after my graduation party my grandpa passed away. Everyone says he waited until he seen me in my cap and gown before he went. I miss him! Anyways, my ex and I moved in together, and got pregnant again when I was 19. We had our daughter, and things fell apart between us. I left with the kids after he became physically abusive towards me and verbally abusive towards me and my son. I met my now exhusband a few months after moving into my own apt. Things moved rather fast between us, and we suddenly find out we're pregnant! My parents as well as his push us to get married. He's military so we had a house, cars, and were living well. We got married, and he was gone a lot for training and the stress of the 3 kids was getting to me with no help. I started feeling depressed a lot, and than found out we were having another daughter! We ended up seperating before she was born, and I was on my own with all 3 kids while being pregnant. It was hard but I made it through. I am now with my soulmate! Lol...never believed in that before but he's amazing! He has no kids but loves mine as if they were his own!

I wish in a way I could of waited to have all of my 4 children. The exact way they are today. But hinesights 20 20. I don't regret them. I don't hate my life. I've been through a lot of struggles in life but they've been the reason why I am where I am today. I am a stay at home mom with my own inhome daycare business. I am teaching my daughters new things daily. I get to go to school functions for my older 2. I am happy being a mom. Having 4 kids at 24 is a lot but I love my life and love my children!

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