does all seem right?

Lisa - posted on 09/21/2011 ( 110 moms have responded )

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When i picked my daughter up from school yesterday her teacher pulled me aside to tell me she had fallen over on to a stick and hurt her vagina, She said she took her to the toilet along with someone else to check for bleeding, Which there was none. When i took my daughter home she explained a little more as to what happened and said that the stick actually went inside her vagina. I took her to school this morning explained what my daughter had said and told her teacher she was very sore down below. The teacher sincerely apologised and said she didn't know that the stick had entered her otherwise she would have told me straight away. I feel the teacher did everything she was supposed to so have no problems with her conduct. Does that sound like she did everything she was supposed to???? I'm soo soo worried, I have booked an appointment for this afternoon. My daughter also wet the bed last night which she never ever does so i'm just wondering could this be linked to the accident??

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Lori - posted on 09/22/2011

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Lisa, OK, take a deep breath and try to stop your mind for a moment. It sounds like your daughter had an accident and bruised her pubic area. It happens. The MD would have said if she suspected abuse in any way. Your daughter is probably clamming up, b-cuz she is picking up on your anxiety and thinks she did something. That's how kids are, they have VERY good radar for how WE are feeling.

How does she feel about going back to school? What has been said b4 is correct...if she's anxious or refusing..then maybe more needs to be done. If she can't wait to go be with her friends...let her go.

I would arrange to speak to her teacher & principal (director?) without your daughter being there...and explain "your side" of this situation and your concerns about...was there a fight that the teacher knew about and didn't say anything to you?...was there a stick that your daughter fell on?...why didn't the teacher write an incident report right away?...ect. Then get your answers. While abuse is always a possibility when a child this young complains of an injury to her privates...that's not the ONLY possibility and it sounds like your doctor does not think that is what happened.

You may never know the "real" story..your dghtr's version may differ from what she told the teacher; and that's all the teacher has to go on. It may be a combination of the 2 some how. The most important thing is your daughter....you took her to the doctor..she's slightly injured from whatever, but will recover. Now just step back...let life go on...just keeps your radar tuned to your daughter's reactions about school, her teacher...ect. and go on. If you should notice anxiety, withdrawal or any change in your daughter, THEN ask your MD ffor a referral to a therapist. Until that happens...Halloween is just around the corner..what does your daughter want to be?

Take care.

Natalie - posted on 09/21/2011

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I think you need to book an appointment with a therapist who specializes in children who may have been molested immediately! A professional will know the right questions to ask to get to the bottom of what happened without making your daughter feel like she did something wrong. Not that you think she did or are doing anything wrong... but I know sometimes when I am asking my son about something he feels like he is in trouble when he isn't. Your concern could be misconstrued by your daughter. Also, therapists who specialize in child cases will be able to carefully get to the bottom of the situation without any extra hype. I don't know if that makes sense. The more your daughter feels like something bad happened to her the more it may leave lasting issues. I certainly don't want to scare you, but it probably would be best to have a professional talk to her. And best case scenario... the therapist talks to her for a few minutes and rules out any abuse so you don't have to worry anymore!

Brandy - posted on 09/21/2011

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as a preschool teacher, there are certain things we have to do. first if yes there should have been an incident report but at least she told you, as far bringing someone in with her to check, of course she had to check, that would be her job to check to see if there was any bleeding or anything and as far as her bringing someone in with her most likely it was another adult because its not like there is any one else who would need to check and that would be to cover her butt. As far as nurse on campus.....ummm have you been to schools lately. Almost ALL schools have NO nurses on hand. Usually they have designated days to come in and its like once a week and this goes for even public schools. I have children the more you question them the more nervous they get because they pick up on your concern and fears and they are very likely to change their stories. God forbid anything happened to your kid but reasonable side is all of the above. Yes there could have been more done and i would be upset over not calling me as a parent but all the other things that were said make perfect sense and teachers work so hard to follow correct procedure that i dont think turning her in and possibly losing her job over not writing an incident report is the best way to go about the situation, there is probably a director on site if anything talk to her and ask her maybe she can go over procedure with the teacher again as a reminder and step by step break down of EXACTLY what to be done.....hope your daughter is ok. Also as your kid is young enough to change stories out of confusion shes old enough to straight ask her in a lightly manner :hey sweetie, did someone touch you down there"?

Jennifer - posted on 09/22/2011

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OMG I am so upset by this as a parent and as a teacher. first of all no teacher or anybody else should be checking your daughter for bleeding in her vagina. They should have called you immediately and you could have checked and then taken her to the Dr. I am a school teacher I teach a upk class I am not even allowed to put a band aid on a child, and if a child pee's on themselves...I need to let the child do most of the work of changing their clothes...you need a written report...where did she fall...

Brandy - posted on 09/21/2011

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also to all the replies that "oh are there males at the school" your the ones giving male teachers a bad name. My best teachers growing up were males and my husband is a prek teacher and your innocent comments referring to a male teaching is falling into the norm of society and their bad thinking about males. :(

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Lisa - posted on 09/23/2011

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wow michele, Thank you. You have pretty much just said what i'm feeling. My daughter is someone that has all sorts of accidents in the strangest of ways, She has managed to fall onto a broken money box while i was kneeling down clearing it away and put a 2 inch puncture hole in her butt cheek and had to go to hospital and have it glued.. I have no problem with the teacher checking as you said would have taken me longer to get there and she told me straight away if she had anything to hide she would not have done that and i don't believe she touched her at all just looked. I am going to take the advice of one of you ladies and close this post as i have had some brilliant advice but some post are freaking me out i will be keeping a close eye on her and take it from there. She doesn't have any problem going to school and actually sleeps better than ever atm and again no more bed wetting. She told the childminder the same story with no prompting that she was punched and pushed. i think i should have been told this story however i am greatful my daughter was able to do this herself. We do have the talks about private areas and how no one should touch it or look at it except her and me if she is sore for cream or bathing, Which i am in the process of teaching her to do this herself. Thank you to all you ladies and gents (as there are a few) for your help and concern i will certainly post again if anything else happens.

Michele - posted on 09/23/2011

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First, I'm sorry that your daugter was injured and that you are having a tremendous amount of anxiety over the whole situation.
That being said, I think at least thre quarters of the posts in this thread are unnecessarily inflammatory and paranoid. I completely agree with Lori, who posted that 1.) The doctor examined your daughter and saw no evidence of trauma other than the bruise. He/She would have told you if there was evidence of molestation.(To whomever suggested a colposcopy...have you ever had one?! I have, they are painful, and it would be TORTURE to a 5 year old!!!) 2.) The more you talk to children about an "incident" the more clammed up they get. They either sense your anxiety and think they are in trouble or you are angry with them, or it's just old news to them and they don't care anymore. 3) If your daughter seems happy, ready to go to school, not nervous, wants to play with her friend, etc. Let her!!! Let her be a child. No role playing, special psychologists, endless questioning. I can tell you, from personal experience, that this leads to "repressed memories" that come up later that aren't real memories. I was actually abused, the the person talking to me had their own agenda of proving a research method and was asking leading questions. That made me remember things the way he told me to. It took a looong time to reverse that.
You said she only wet the bed once. That's great. It was probably due to the pain from being punched. I agree with the others about being vigilant...if she continues to wet the bed, ask her if she's having fun at school, with her friends, etc. That goes with other signs like moodiness, not wanting to go to school (like faking a tummy ache to get out of it, etc) difficulty sleeping, etc. But until (and IF) something like that happens, just be happy your daughter is happy. If you make a big deal about this, when nothing really happened, then she won't feel comfortable coming to you when something really big actually does happen. This is what happened to me. My mom made such a big deal out of an innocent event that I never told her until this year that I actually was abused a few months later. I was 5.

The things that DO concern me are 1. The teacher told you about the stick story, but not the punching child. Even if the stick story was a fabrication by your daughter and that is what she told her teacher, it would still be considered a seperate incident from the punching, right? This one the teacher did know about because of the naughty step punishment. So they should have informed you about the punhing child. (I agree that the change in your daughter's story is not concerning...she just may not have wanted to get her friend in further trouble). But her parents do need to know that she punched her friend in a sensitive spot hard enough to need medical attention.

All the people talking about the teacher not having the right to check your daughter out, talking about molestation, etc, are just getting hysterical. You yourself said this year is her first aide rotation, right? No nurse on staff (as with most schools these days). Honestly, if something happened like this to my son or daughter I would want the teacher to (in a setting away from the other children, and with another adult in the room, just like what happened) briefly check him or her out to make sure they weren't bleeding and need to have an ambulence called. I agree the school should have called you at that point and given you the options of what to do from there. However, I will give everyone on this board an alternate view...what if she HAD fallen on a stick? (Something similar actually happened to me as a child, since I climbed trees a lot). If she had a serious injury and no one checked her out, just called her mom, waited for mom to get permission from the boss to get off work, then drive to the daycare. How much time would have passed? If she was bleeding internally from a penetrating injury, her health would go downhill faster than it would take mom to get there. So for me, personally, at least that part of the teacher's actions were appropriate.

Lisa, I really hope that you can find it in yourself to just take a minute to breathe, relax, and realize that your daughter will tell you when something is wrong, even if she doesn't use words. Right now she's telling you all is well in the world. Take that at face value. :-)

Michele

LaLasha - posted on 09/22/2011

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I think you are doing the right thing but 'm not sure what to think about the teacher and all that mess I'm confused as tho why there wasn't and incident report or even the principal calling you as soon as it happened.

Jenn - posted on 09/22/2011

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Although like previous posters mentioned, and myself teachers can't and really shouldn't do that for a child they needed to call you ASAP, I think they were generally worried and wanted to help. I don't see a cover up here. But my nephew is just 3yrs old and if he were to wet himself his fathe has to come in from work and take care of the mess. The teacher can't even help!!

Jenn - posted on 09/22/2011

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I'm not sure what state you're in, but in my state teachers can't even escort a child to the bathroom. So in my honest opinion, yes the teacher did everything, and more. She was upfront and honest with you, so I personally would appreciate her actions, and reactions to you....

Terri - posted on 09/22/2011

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Seeing that your daughter is eager to return, I would just keep my eyes open for any further incidents and volunteer in her class as much as you can. It will give you the added security knowing that everything is fine (or tip you off if it's not), it will be fun for your daughter to have mom in her class for part of the day, and I'm sure the teacher would love the extra eyes and hands.

I'm lucky that on any given day at son's kindergarten class of 20 - has his teacher, her helper and usually 1 or 2 parent volunteers (have to pass a background check first). It makes a huge difference in the kid's education that so many parents can get involved.

My other son has asperbergers and can be a bit of a problem child often requiring constant hands on attn. His class consists of 6 kids and 2 teachers because a regular class would otherwise be less supervised or neglected by the demands of my kid. This way, everyone gets the attn they need. Sadly most parents don't volunteer for his situation because its the only breather they get. But a child in his shoes is far more likely to be abused because he can't always tell me what's going on with him.

You should be able to take comfort that at 5, your daughter is able to let you know something isn't right even if she's not very precise about it. Just her knowing she can always come to you makes her so much better protected from the things you're fearing.
Just the same, I see no other way for you to feel secure while not having answers than to see how comfortable your daughter is with your own eyes. If you can't volunteer, maybe another family member (grandparent, aunt or uncle) could volunteer in your place.

Sherrybyrne - posted on 09/22/2011

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Lisa, I'm so sorry about all the emotions and fear incidents like this can bring up. Especially since 1 out of 4 girls will be sexually abused by the time they are 18. My daughter has a developmental disability and the odds are over 80% that she will be sexually abused by the time she is 18 and I'm very viligiant about making sure her privacy is protected.

Now with that being said...I'm guessing nothing like this happened to your daughter. For one the doctor checked her out and your daughter doesn't seem too concerned about the incident. I think the story is a little bit of the two. If I was to guess I bet it happened like your daughter said, the other little girl hit her and then she fell on the planter just right (half in the planter, half out) were she hit the planter edge really hard on her pelvic bone and her butt landed in the dirt of the planter. She might have thought that a stick went up there because of the pain the planter caused in that area. I say this because I remember when I was young I was riding my bike and fell on that "girl bar". I started bleeding down there. This of course freaked my mom out, she wasn't there at the time. So I went to the doctor and was repeatedly asked what happened too but of course I didn't know why.

It is good to be vigilant, God knows I'm extrememly vigilant when it comes to my daughter. Talk with the principal & teacher about your concerns and take a deep breath. Become knowledgable about signs of sexual abuse and be proactive. I hope that everything works out fine and your daughter is doing great, which it sounds as if she is. Good luck with everything.

Carolyn - posted on 09/22/2011

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I agree with you amanda i would never allow any one look at my son like that. she should have called you right way.but it sounds like u are taking care of it now.

Vicky - posted on 09/22/2011

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I can't apologize for my comment even if some think that I am unfairly mailigning males. I used to work for Child Welfare Services and I have seen and heard many many stories of molest. Sadly, the large majority of them are perpetrated by men. And, it appears that Lisa's daughter was injured by something stick like. If the story has been recanted and there was no actual stick, then a penis leaps to mind. I can't change the fact that only men have penises.
If I was Lisa, I would be wondering about any male in her daughter's life. It is possible that she was just injured while playing but it is also possible that she has been molested by someone somewhere and possibly needed to tell someone she was hurt down there and made up a story about how it happened so as not to get someone she either loves or fears in trouble.
Wishing the best for you Lisa but also hoping that you take your daughter to have a special exam where a doctor uses a culposcope (checks to see if there is any damage or if the hymen is broken) and they take pictures for evidence. The exam doesn't hurt.
There are also people trained to get to the bottom of this kind of thing through a non-threatening interview. Call your local CPS to find out how to contact them.

Ruth - posted on 09/22/2011

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It could be linked to the accident but only the school nurse should have done any checking and very little. Anything other than cursory check of panties should have been done only by a doctor. She probably has heard that no one is allowed to touch her in certain places and though the teacher meant well she is sending mixed and confusing signals to the little one. She can and probably has a bladder infection from the dirty stick. Make sure she is seen by a doctor and give her plenty of cranberry juice to help her bladder.

June - posted on 09/22/2011

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Do you have a close female in your life besides you? Sometimes my DD will tell someone else the whole story because she doesn't want to see me get emotional (sad, mad, etc). I would follow this up and make sure you know what really happened. You could also try asking her to show you what happened with 2 dolls.

Maria Ivelisse - posted on 09/22/2011

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Agree with Kelina.. :) / youre still getting responses with questions that youve answered before. Im glad everything is well:)

Jill - posted on 09/22/2011

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Why don't you talk to the teacher that gave the girl that supposedly punched your daughter a time out? she must have seen something in order to give her a time out... (if it happened at all)

Margaret - posted on 09/22/2011

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as a mam who works with children an incident report should have been written up straight away and because of the area that was hurt i feel that you should have been called to bring you child to the doctor. in the incident report it should have said about the other child pushing her etc but not given the name of the child. i think it would do no harm to let the teacher know that you are not happy with the way this has been dealt with and maybe even then principal. hope it all works out

Kelina - posted on 09/22/2011

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in the interest of already having had your question answered and not freaking yourself out more you may want to close this thread. It sounds like you're repeating yourself.

Alicia - posted on 09/22/2011

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Incident reports are usually procedure for day care centers but not necessarily for school, unless the child was taken to the nurse. It does sound like she did everything expected, including bringing in a witness when she checked for bleeding. However, if there's a school nurse that would be the proper witness/person to perform the exam. In my experience as an elementary teacher and daycare teacher I've had several experiences where girls fell onto something when wearing light clothing.

Shanea - posted on 09/22/2011

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Any situation involving children and private parts is alarming. lisa it sounds like you have done all the right things as fustrating as this has been. I'm sure you have but I just encourage you to talk with your daughter about touching and private areas being off limits for other chilfren or adults to touch. Best wishes for you and family

Marceline - posted on 09/22/2011

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I'm a children's nurse & have seen & heard of some very strange accidents involving children. Seems the teacher did what she thought was best at that time. My only problem is not calling u sooner. Glad yr lil girl is fine.

Cindy - posted on 09/22/2011

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I agree with the doctor. The story sounds strange. Why did the teacher check your child's vagina? Why were you not called? I would be outraged if my this happened to child. I would report the teacher to the school board. Did the doctor check your daughter for signs of sexual abuse?

Lisa - posted on 09/22/2011

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i do agree with natalie for the most part there is a slight niggle but think thats just natural with some of the circumstances. trust me if anything in the slightest ever ever happens to a similar nature all hell will break loose once could be a freak accident but twice someone will hang.

Valerie - posted on 09/22/2011

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I'm very sorry you and your daughter are going through this. You may not believe either story but you would have to listen to your daughter. If she has never lied to you before and she was the one that was hurt with proof you have to show her that you believe her so if anything in the future (hopefully not) were to ever happen she knows she can turn to you. The teacher has more reason to lie then your child. The teacher had no right to look at your childs private area. She should have calle dyou straight away. I would be reporting this to the principal and to the welfare dept. I've been in similar situations not as severe as yourself but where my daughter was telling me she was being pinched by the teacher. the teacher admitted to touching my daughter but not pinching. She put herself at the scene so who is to know if she was telling the truth. Good luck in your decision on what to do. Do what your instincts tell you. You are a mother and have every right to protect your child so do what you have to do for your child to be heard.

Diane - posted on 09/22/2011

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I agree with you Amanda. Lisa first and formost you should have been called as soon as it was brought to the teachers attention.Medical authority should have been consulted as well within minutes of the knowledge. As for the teacher not presenting you with a full accidental report is not acceptable under any circumstances. How hard is it to write down what she was able to tell you in person,this whole situation is sounding rather disturbing to me. I pray that your little girl is and will be safe at school. Bullying by any child is not to be tolerated in any way and no one has the right to touch your child without your permission.

Pamela - posted on 09/22/2011

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Please remember that it is difficult being a teacher and keeping your eyes on 25 or more children at a time, especially younger ones when they are involved in active play. When a child becomes hurt it is the teacher's responsibility to check for blood, bruises, etc. and with the laws today when it comes to our sexual parts it is necessary to ask another teacher of the same sex to be involved with checking lest a teacher be accused of molestation. If a child is not bleeding or doesn't have any visible signs of injury then the child is returned to the classroom and the parents are notified. The teacher was acting in a responsible manner and so are you by taking the child to a doctor for a follow up check.

Bed wetting can occur when a child is in emotional distress. Perhaps she picked up on your worry and distress as well and if she is a very sensitive child the bed wetting accident could easily be a reaction to all of the stress ....hers and yours.

Please understand that worrying (which is an emotion based in fear) serves no one and accomplishes nothing. It is a difficult habit to break but I do encourage you to do so.

Sandy - posted on 09/22/2011

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Lisa.....I think Lori Harmons post is AWESOME....so just read that one again! Take a breath, and your doctor is right....just be vigilant (you're a mom...so you are good at that and you do that anyway). I know we live in a crazy world, but from the outsider in your situation, I think the teacher acted very accordingly and as a parent, i would be pleased. As a trauma nurse.....stranger things have happened...trust me! And as a mom.....I guarantee I would have gone through your roller coaster of emotions! Glad to hear the update....that all is good!

Natalie - posted on 09/22/2011

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It sounds like it was just a poorly handled situation and everything seems all right. I do still think you should have your daughter talk to a therapist that specializes in this. They will have her come in and play with tons of toys and find out what happened without "questioning" her. That is what they are trained for... I have to disagree with those that are saying keep asking your daughter what happened and ask her to reenact it. The more you ask your daughter what happened the more she will feel like something happened that shouldn't have... and it could all just be a false alarm.

Lisa - posted on 09/22/2011

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doctor checked her over and said all is fine apart from the bruise. i do wish they had called me right away.

Kandi - posted on 09/22/2011

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I think the school should have called you right away. I would have ben there for that. Were they teacher or DR.?How did the DR. App go?

Lisa - posted on 09/22/2011

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she has given herself a punch down there and said thats what the girl did. i have asked her to draw me it but got carried away and drew something else which i didnt push as she was happy with her picture.

Jennifer - posted on 09/22/2011

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Have you asked her to re-enact the situation and say that you will be the other person?

Lisa - posted on 09/22/2011

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Can i just say the doctor has confirmed that no stick has enter her. She has said there's no evidence that she even landed on a stick as she has no scratches etc, Just one bruise. However the tree that the said stick was on is in a pot so she did say its possible she landed on the edge of the pot. Also the child in question for hitting and pushing my daughter is a friend of hers and also female and my daughter is still friends with her and has not changed her view of school she loves it and wants to go every day and also likes her teacher. the teacher admitted today that no one saw the accident happen. the teacher checked her for bleeding as she is the first aider ie nurse for that year. and lori more than likely a princess as she is obsessed with them same as little girls her age.

Cathy - posted on 09/22/2011

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Not sure what is going on but I am sorry, the chances of a child falling on a stick and it entering her vagina have got to be slim to none. She would actually had to sit on it and it wouldhave had to have been sticking straight up. There is something strange with this incident. I am not accusing the teacher of anything as it is hard to get the story straight out of a 5 year, I have one myself(almost 6) who I just the other day explained the difference between a pee hole and the hole beneath where babies cmoe out of. She just laughed. Up until that moment, she did not realize that she had two holes. The doctor should be able to give you more insight. No need to panic, I am sure this story may have been a bit embelleshed. No fault of anyone involved but it is extremely important to get to the bottom of it.

Sylvia - posted on 09/22/2011

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this stinks for all the right reasons,im sorry a child just doesnt fall on a stik and it enters her vagina!!plus a full report would be given on this accident!!as all children at schools nuserys and playgroups get a written accident slip!!if this happend to my child id not let it lie untill id found out exactly what happend,the teacher sounds useless,in not explaining what happend properly!!!this all do not sound right!!!!

Jamie - posted on 09/22/2011

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why did the teacher look at her a nurse should of did that.i would call ur daughters doctor and having them look at her. red flags just went up when i read this. good luck with everything.

Julia - posted on 09/22/2011

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No something does not seem right. How does a kid fall on a stick that enters her? It sounds like something is terribly wrong. I would take my child to the doctor and ask some very specific questions.

Victoria - posted on 09/22/2011

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I agree with Amanda...when it comes to your children girl or boy a ambulance should've been called a report. Should be taken lost for words sounds crazy unacceptable I speak from experience

Katherine - posted on 09/22/2011

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Wow, I'm surprised to here this completely different story , Lisa. I would certainly want to know the "truth" also. Why did the teacher say one thing and then your daughter another? Why was this girl put on the naughty step? This must be very confusing.

I would definitely talk to some higher ups and figure out what recourse there should be. These are two COMPLETELY different stories. Something isn't adding up.

[deleted account]

The red flags are going up!! There is something very wrong w/ this picture and you need to get her to a doctor and call the police. No one falls onto a stick and it goes in hteir vagina. Your daughter was abused by someone - teacher or classmate and the teacher is covering someones a$$ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anna - posted on 09/22/2011

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school nurse should have chked with witness why was teacher protecting agressive student the teacher lied to you why

Kate - posted on 09/22/2011

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My heart really goes out to you Lisa - I can only imagine how distressing this all is - and yes, not knowing is probably the worst part.
Just go to the teacher / head teacher and explain that until you're satisfied with the answers, that what happened makes sense to you, you're going to keep questioning this. Bottom line - your child is in their care - why doesn't anyone know exactly what happened? And if they don't know, why are they making stuff up? I think that even if the answer is that 'they don't know' then you are in a position to make a logical decision about whether you want your child to stay at that school. Entrusting your child to other people is hard for a mommy and having answers - no matter how bad or negligent is better than not knowing.
My little girl came home one day with a cut on her shoulder and told me a lion attacked her... heaven knows what she was thinking to tell me that and I know she wasn't attacked by a lion - turns out she fell off the slide - also not cool and a radical example but just shows how things can get mixed up and possibly exaggerated. Listen to your gut feeling on this and agree that you should be vigilant but also find out exactly what happened - even if it is that nobody was watching.

Maria Ivelisse - posted on 09/22/2011

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*I meant, you HAVE to ask your daughter of couse which you have but she's clamming up because in her little child head the story is getting old and she doesnt understand why its such a big deal. To us it is of course.

Maria Ivelisse - posted on 09/22/2011

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Lisa, I think rather than be helpful people are just freaking you out. I agree with another poster Courtney. I think the pushing and the little girl are 2 different occurrences. It can be again as someone else mentioned that she fell on her butt on to a stick. When yout little girl says in the hole, the stick wasnt standing straight up, she feel on it and it probably pushed her underwear in a bit. / ,Not trying to down play anything but your daughter Will clam up if you stary asking her the same thing over and over. I understand we have to ne protective of our children but some folks will give you a nervous breakdown

Lisa - posted on 09/22/2011

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ok so doctor thinks i need to vigilant with her surroundings and keep an eye on her and also need to speak to the health visitor and the head teacher about the situation she also said it is still possible nothing untoward has happened and she may well have fallen onto something where the bruising is it wont have been from punching kicking possibly i just don't know which is the worse thing and feeling in the world not knowing what happened

Terri - posted on 09/22/2011

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Hang in there Lisa. You got a lot of great advice on here for your daughter. I hope what I wrote helps you make a plan to deal with the school. From the bruising and the position, you said it looks more like she was laying down, could your daughter have been kicked? It's a hard area to leave a visual bruise there without hard impact. I hope your daughter is feeling better and I hope you find the answers you need. If she's uncomfortable sitting - try a soft ice pack (like the kind you probably got at the hospital when you had her).

Michelle - posted on 09/22/2011

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Lisa, try to not overthink it all until you have a chat to the doctor. Get her opinion first and go from ther. If there was anything out of the ordinary the doctor would have told you when you saw her and would also have had to report it straight away.
We can sometimes be our own worse enemies by overthinking things.
What country are you in?

Lisa - posted on 09/22/2011

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i am so messed up right now thinking all the worse things im currently waiting for the doctor to ring me so i can ask her advice same one i saw yesterday the bruising i feel is in a place that my daughter would have to have been laying on the floor for the girl to have caused the bruising if this is the case how can the girl have then have pushed her over

Terri - posted on 09/22/2011

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I have a few problems with the teacher's story which could be attributed to having her hands full with a class full of kids, but it's still a problem that needs addressed if this happened to your daughter.
First, fights can happen quick with kids, where one suddenly hits. At least in my child's public school, even a pre k student would get more than a time out for punching. Their parents have to know if there's a hitting problem. Your daughter has the right to an education without worrying about being punched.
Second, from your daughter's first story ... she is aware that she has an "in" that a stick could go into. Which is likely then that she's done some exploring (usually innocent enough) but if this is what was going on and got far enough that anything touched her or possibly went "in" her - where was the teacher??? If the teacher didn't see what truely happened, then she was not paying enough attention and your daughter got hurt.
Third, the incident report needs to be filled out right away. It is usually procedure to do this because stories can change quickly. The teacher should have known better even if she had a hard time finding the words ... it's the victim's words --your daughters words that should have been written. This may have given you some insite to a bigger picture. It also should have included the other child's side of the story and that there may have been 2 incidents (definitely another reason the other child's parents should have been called - and should have been noted on the incident report)
Fourth, you were not informed until you picked your daughter up. You should have been called immediately and given the choice if you felt comfortable enough after speaking to your daughter to have her stay at school or pick her up early.
If your daughter seems to be uncomfortable going to school for any reason, I would not take her back there. If your pediatrician examined her and you both feel certain no abuse has taken place, I would not make a big deal to your daughter or in front of her because that could make her uncomfortable going back to school. But if she suddenly starts complaining of belly aches more often or seems hesitant, something else is wrong. It could be the treatment of this other girl and feeling a lack of protection from the teacher either because she's not paying attention, or not appropriately punishing the hitter.
If you do continue to take her, try to volunteer in the class room a day or two to see for yourself how comfortable your daughter feels.
You do need to bring this up in discussion with the principal because they need to be aware too. If the teacher has too few resources or help in the classroom, or a particular child or 2 that are taking her full attention leaving incidents that can't be explained, then it's the principal's job to step up and fix the situation.

Ez - posted on 09/22/2011

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So the doctor found no evidence of anything except the bruise? And there was no bleeding? Well isn't it possible that she was punched by the little girl? But she said the teacher saw that right? Wow even I'm confused, I can only imagine how you must be feeling Lisa.

I think you should take her to a professional counsellor who specialises in these cases. They are trained to find the answers you need. I wish you the best of luck.

Lisa - posted on 09/22/2011

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ok so if i wasn't freaked out enough i am even more so now. reading all the latest threads has made me cry especially as the teacher told me today that no one saw anything happen and there was no damage to her underwear what so ever and no bleeding just bruising in a total mess now. she did not wet the bed last night. and hasn't changed her personality but does clam up and doesn't want to talk about it anymore.

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