Neo - posted on 09/30/2014 ( 26 moms have responded )
My advice to women is if you want to have a baby, even with a man you are married to, make sure you have the guy sign a sperm donor agreement that the baby, custody and guardianship will always be yours. Or else don't get pregnant. After what i have been through, being for ed to lose everything i have ever earned over 20 years my whole life's work, and the damage a perfectly good seeming man was later revealed was a complete monster, found guilty in court of raping all our children, getting my kids kidnapped from me for 2.5 years, I personally would even consider terminating without this signed agreement, because it now is apparent to me that even if you're married doesn't mean you have any clue what the future potential behavior of the "sperm donor" could become. Then you can still have a relationship without fear of him seizing control of your kids, doing whatever he (and his friends/ new girlfriend/ new wife) pleases, and even blocking you from your own kids down the road. My experience was men easily get favored by authorities and courts. I who was brought up women's equality was completely shocked to be treated as though my children and I were property of my my ex husband's to do with as he pleases and how dare anyone even question him.
I'm for men to only have no access or only supervised access.
After what I personally have been through.
I don't see how any women could be expected to let her child just go off with some guy she doesn't even know, just because she thinks she knows him, just because he is or had once enjoyed the privileged of sleeping with her, whether married or whatever. What I have learned Is that just because you were once with him or even married to him doesn't mean you even really knew him, or know him, or know him now or what he could be capable of.
Another good topic for discussion, what really is there for women in relationships and marriage? Nothing. They "get to" be the mans slave, that's about it. what does the man really do for the woman that she doesn't do for him? Or that comes close to matching all the more she does for him? Laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping, child bearing, nursing, child care, etc, etc...
Sorry but after being the model girlfriend and wife my whole life, I really wish it wasn't that my experience is that men are users, lazy, freeloaders, abusive. I hope I get some better experience soon so I can stop talking like this.
It could be more often than not that like myself, many women don't know the men they have been with nearly as well as they think they do.
I was with a man ten years, i was a great wife, had never denied my husband, treated him like a king, had kids with him, thought he was ok-great actually, (pretty difficult for me to speak so highly as i used to of him now) until I found out he was raping our children.
Men cannot be trusted, especially a man you don't know. This man i even thought i did know but he tricked me severely and for 10 years!!! And Im a pretty smart woman with above average "superior" intelligence is what a psychologist reported about me. Men are capable of even long relationships with women and the women still don't know the man at all. Did the wives of Nazi Holocaust soldiers know what their successful husbands were doing all day? No.
If I could be married to a man for 10 years and not have a clue what he has now finally, after the most traumatizing struggle of my life, now been found guilty of raping our infants and children both boys and girls, nearly got away with it caused my children to be kidnapped from me 2.5 years caused me to lose my entire life's earnings, 20+ years of earnings and equity all dumped as virtually "ransome" but to lawyers to help me rescue my kids. He damaged my children beyond repair.
And this is s guy who presented as an educated, clean cut, suit wearing, articulate, funny, successful business man. He just used me to have the kids and then was going to easily steal them from me. He easily enlisted help of authorities against me, which btw there are pockets of child sexual traffickers within the child welfare systems.
Do you really know what some guy is going to do with your kid if you let them take your child for a visit? NO.
My ex easily could've got away with it if my kids hadn't told me just two weeks before he got them kidnapped. If he had been successful to get them kidnapped just 2 weeks earlier, before they told me, he would have easily been able to intimidate and mentally abuse them into never telling me and he would either have custody or shared custody and be doing incest to them now still.
If you have your children to yourself with out harassment from the father, it's just my experience making me say this advise, be careful what you wish for a man to be in your child's life, be happy. Slip away from them, enjoy your life with your children.
I know it is only because if my experience but I am so tired of hearing "a child needs a father". I know my children are better off with no father than that one. Thank God the truth finally prevailed and I have my kids back, and he is found guilty. 2.5-5 years of pure hell. He stole so much from my children and I.
Because of what I went through, I have met a surprising number of women who have gone through similar.
Look at Lexi Dhillon case (google)
Women are the ones with the wombs and the breasts for a reason. A woman invests far too much in a pregnancy, child birth, sacrificing her body, risking her life, giving her all to raise up a baby, just for a man to come along and think just because she let him screw her that he has rights to come along and screw up the kids. It seems to me in the porn addicted and grande theft auto cultures around today most any guy is too much of a potential risk for one thing or another completely unacceptable destructive action. Look at all the movies that came out portraying as if it is cool to be a jack-ass dad. I don't like those movies, I don't find them funny at all.
It's a long life. Just cause you have a baby doesn't mean he's going to deserve for you to like him who had sex with you that night forever. Married or not. What ever you think you have now or did have doesn't really matter when compared to what nightmares can and will be, look at how many people get divorced.
Legally binding sperm donor agreements women.