Does anyone elses hubby encourage your son to not cry and be a "MAN"??

Erinn - posted on 06/17/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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It pisses me off... he's only 3!!! If he wants to cry... let him!!

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Tamara - posted on 06/21/2009

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My husband used to have a friend that would do this to his middle child. Everything was "be a man" and caused this little boy to bottle his feelings and express them in unhealthy manners such as SI and lashing out at his siblings. I've always felt bad for the little guy and often wonder how he's doing.

If my husband ever did such a thing, I'd be highly upset with him.

Leigh - posted on 06/21/2009

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It doesn't take much for us to start giving our boys complex's, and crying is an expression, just as you want your child to express happiness, frustration, etc. Nip this in the bud now, ie make sure that the positive male role models in their lives are just that, POSITIVE because boys go through a 'crying stage', when they are pubescent & thats definately when you need to let them express themselves.

User - posted on 06/17/2009

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My husband hasn't done this, but I've made it clear that the day if I ever catch hubby doing that or saying he's a "girl" for crying or a wuss or anything like that...well, all hell is likely to break loose. (I'm not terribly worried about him doing it either since he and I are on the same page when it comes to these issues.) It's not healthy to teach any child that it's not okay to cry or to be upset. Yes, some tantrums are just fits over nothing...but there are better ways to deal with it than making it be about gender.

We're not big on reinforcing traditional gender roles at our house. We'd rather raise children to be happy, healthy, and secure in themselves rather than defining what behavior is good or bad based on what equipment they have downstairs.

Trish - posted on 06/17/2009

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Yes, my husband does that on occasion too. I have to remind him that he is only five or whatever the age was at the time and to let him be. They shouldn't have to worry about being all big and tough. It drives me crazy sometimes.

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Cynthia - posted on 06/17/2009

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My son ( now 25) was a crier, my husband and both would tell him not to cry. One day as I was watching Oprah, she had an author on and he was advertising his book entitled "Boys who don't Cry". It was such an eye opener for me. If we teach our young men to supress their tears, it becomes rage. God allowed me to know that tears is a cleasing for us, it give us a sense of relief---and it is not an " Exclusive Womens Club"! My husband now tells my daughter, "Don't trust a man if he can't CRY"! Leave the baby alone----LET HIM CRY!!!!

Amie - posted on 06/17/2009

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My hubby used to do this on occasion but not when our son is crying. They'll be wrestling around and it'll be like.. oh cummon you can do better than that be a man..... Of course after our son laid him out flat at 3 years old he stopped doing that. Kids are smart, he head butted him and our son has a pretty hard head. He was dizzy but dad fell right over, he wasn't expecting it. LOL.

Amie - posted on 06/17/2009

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My hubby used to do this on occasion but not when our son is crying. They'll be wrestling around and it'll be like.. oh cummon you can do better than that be a man..... Of course after our son laid him out flat at 3 years old he stopped doing that. Kids are smart, he head butted him and our son has a pretty hard head. He was dizzy but dad fell right over, he wasn't expecting it. LOL.

Liana - posted on 06/17/2009

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lol depends what they are crying for with my other half, he never does it if they are hurt but if it's a tantrum over nothing in particular he will call them little girls and my dad tells them not to be wusses. It's a bloke thing.

Savannah - posted on 06/17/2009

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my husband was raised by is mom and is a massive momma's boy. He is also the more sensitive of the two of us. Im the internalizer and he's the whiner. I think he doesn't want Coltan to end up like him.

We always joke when the boys are being manly and tough, "just like mom!" lol. But I was raised in a family where excessive emotion wasn't really something you did. You tough it up and move on.

I hope my kiddos turn out to be a happy medium.

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Yeppers! If Gavin is crying/whining his daddy will say, "quit crying like a little girl." I hate that! He's even called him a wussy! Everytime he does it I correct him REAL quick lol...I hate that! He won't do it if he has a reason to cry only if he's whining about something he cant have or something but I still hate esp. cuz Gavin repeats everything now, and I don't want Gavin going around calling some other kid a wussy lol.

Stacey - posted on 06/17/2009

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hi my partner never really tells my son to stop crying but my dad dose i hate it and my son is only 12 months old my dad has been telling him to stop crying since he was a few months old

Melissa - posted on 06/17/2009

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I only have a daughter but my husband told me that when he was a young boy his step-father use to punish him if he cried. I think a lot of men think it is unmanly to show emotion because women do therefore they raise their sons not to. I spoke to him about this in case we had a son. I would not want any child of mine to be a cry baby but I would not want my son or daughter to not be able to express feelings that are normal and natural or age appropriate. Suppression of normal emotions I think can be harmful. Finding healthy ways to express and deal with them will help them become stable adults. This crap stays with you. My husband still feels he cannot cry even if the situation warrants it, like if someone dies. Try explaining to your husband that the tears can be a release of sadness, anger, stress. Until your son gets old enough to control his emotions better he may cry more now than later. Would he rather he internalize all these negative emotions and have them eat him inside? I doubt he has ever thought of it that way. He is likely just trying to raise your son the way he was.

Savannah - posted on 06/17/2009

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My hubby gets that way with my son too. He's only 2. He calls him a little girl, says things like, "who needs a little girl when you have Coltan?" He also refers to him as my little "girlfriend." It ticks me off pretty bad, too. Most of the time he is just kidding, but even as a joke that is NOT funny.

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