Does anyone ever feel like even though you have a man, your doing this alone?

Meg - posted on 02/28/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Im a new mom. To a 2 month old son. Im with his father and we all live together. I feel alone sometimes. I feel like i do everything. Im the only one to get up at night. I do more during daytime too. Im the one maling doctors appointments and when something goes wrong dealing with it. Im the one making sure everything is taken care of. Im the one who is pacient enough to not get mad and frustrated just because the baby is very fussy. I feel like i have all the responsibility. What can i do? I feel like im going to go insane. Im tired. Im depressed and stressed out.

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Kelsey - posted on 03/03/2013

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Your welcome. I'm sorry that you're going/had to go through all of that. Yea, it's scary being alone. My family has been my biggest supporters. They're proud of me for what I've did and what I've doing for my child. If you have family or even friends that you count as family. You'll be okay. Trust me. It does get lonely from time to time. I just remember all the shit my ex put me through and I'm better.

I'm a child from a broken home. I don't think I turned out that bad. lol. A broken home is better for a child rather than the child seeing his mother being disrespected, treated poorly, and cheated on. I've seen great improvement in my son's development because the negativity of my ex isn't around him.

Agree, I actually said the same thing to my ex's mother and she agreed. Sometimes love isn't enough. My mother told me the two and half years I dated my ex that "I'll wake up eventually." And I did. I still remember that feeling; it was like a snap in my chest. In that moment, I knew I was done. I haven't looked back since.

Your son and yourself deserve better. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide. I hope I didn't sound like I pushing you into dumping him. Sorry if did sound like that.

Kelsey - posted on 03/02/2013

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Yup. Been there and done that. With my baby's father it got to a point where he would refuse to help me at all and told me it was "my job." At times when I wanted a shower or a power nap; he would rather let the baby cry in his crib instead of holding him. there wasn't any excuse for him not to help me; my baby's father wasn't even working the first two months of my son's life. Didn't pay for anything baby related. Would rather spend his money on beer, smokes and strip clubs.

Some men step up to the plate with flying colors and some men run like a bat out of hell. It's up to you and how long will you tolerate his behavior of not "pulling his weight" It took two to tango. There are a lot of ways for daddy and baby to bond; if he's having trouble bonding. He can feed the baby; if you're pumping or formula feeding, burp the baby, bathe the baby even reading/snuggling with the baby. There are lots of ways! If he's flat out refusing. Give him no choice; go "escape" for a couple of hours. Whether it's taking a power nap or taking a bubble bath or anything else that tickles your fancy.

If that doesn't work. I don't know what to tell you. The love of your child and the needs of your child should come first; no matter what. If your man isn't providing. Kick him to the curb. That's what I did, I've never been happier.

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Meg - posted on 03/03/2013

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Thanks so much for all of your advice. Its greatly appriciated. I guess i have a lot to think about. Maybe im just scared of being alone. An my child being part of a broken home. I know i love him, but sometimes that isnt enough. Its tough. Thats for sure.

Kelsey - posted on 03/03/2013

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Okay, just hearing about you kicking out while being 8 months pregnant; just makes me mad! Honey, if that guy didn't follow me if I got kicked out; it's obvious he doesn't care. He doesn't care for you or that baby. I believe he may only be with you out of convenience; just as my ex was with me. I was a free home and laundry service with tail included. If I were you, that boy would out and gone!

I understand the cheating bit. My ex was sexting to seven other girls a week after we found out I was pregnant. I confronted him about it and around Christmas time last year he was sending pictures of himself to another girl. I know well after the baby was born, he was messaging other girls. It just got to a point where I didn't care.

Okay, with depression. I don't how PDD works honestly. I was depressed because of my ex boyfriend. Honestly it got so bad; I was actually thinking about killing myself. Once I "woke-up" and realized that I deserved better than that POS. I got better.

Also, Honey, I'm 22 and my ex is 24 almost 25. My ex is still a child, age is only a number; mentally he's 12. Maybe not even that. I never fully forgave my ex for cheating on me when I was pregnant and I'm still angry from when he cheated on me beforehand. I NEVER fully trusted him again. As the saying goes, "You can't have a relationship without trust."

This guy sounds like a slime-bucket. Just like my ex. I just want to say; it's your life. If he doesn't make you happy then leave. The only person holding you back is you. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, " No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Besides do you want this boy to be a role model to your baby? I think not. Do what's best for you and your child. If you are happy then the baby will be happy.

Meg - posted on 03/03/2013

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Im not too sure where i stand with my fiance. We get along, we dont. Back and forth. We both moved in with his family months ago. Long story short, i got kicked out bc their a bunch of stuckup crazies. I was like 8 months pregnant. An my man stayed there. Continued to follow their plan for him. An i was left to be homeless in a shelter. He had cheated on me thru txt earlier and did so yet again while i was homeless. He ended our relationship. After our son was born, he started acting like he wanted me again. We got back together and after new years decided he wanted to move in with me. (Currently my frirnds took me and him in) His aunt told me he said so many horrid things. That all he is doing is covering up.

Though i left out many details. The morale of my story is never have a child with a child. Hes 21 and made my pregnancy a living hell. I think i harbor ill feelings about being alone and pregnant for the last two months. I was scared. Abandoned. I dont think ill ever forgive what happened. Weither he truly was forced to stay at his familys or he is a lying sack. I have post pardem. Im extremely depressed. An im going to be going to therapy and hopefully couples therapy. I honestly dont know what to do. An thats just one of my issues.

Kelsey - posted on 03/03/2013

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I'm wondering why you would let someone who made you miserable to begin with, forcibly move into your home? I'm just saying that's a recipe for disaster.

The one thing I've learned from my ex, dad's are going to do things their way. It doesn't matter if you've told them something five or more times; they'll still do it there way. My ex and I STILL bicker because he puts the baby's diaper way too tight. Like turning the legs blue and leaving red diaper marks on my baby's skin. Keep in mind though, don't nag at him too much; if you nag too much, it kind of scares him off from taking care of the baby. Sometimes men just have their way and Us, ladies have ours. It's like the same thing with asking for directions.

About "you" time. I really don't know what to tell you. Once you have a baby; things are never the same. I'm lucky if I get to pee by myself without my baby in the room. My advice to you is do small things that make you happy. Like when the baby is napping; instead of putting laundry away, read that book you've been wanting to read. Take some joy in the little things. Eventually you'll get some "you" time when your baby gets older. Right now, your baby needs you for comfort. Have you tried one of those baby slings yet? My baby loved it and it made him happy to be close to me. Just keep your chin up. It does get better. My baby is ten months now and trust me, it's a whole different ball game when they hit this age.

I agree that he should be helping whether he's working or not. I grew to resent my ex when he NEVER woke up to help me with the baby. Not even when I sick in the hospital; hooked up to machines and my baby was about one month old. The baby woke up crying and my ex wouldn't even budge to go get him. So I got the baby and I yelled at him afterwards. I probably won't ever forget this as long as I live; He told me that I needed to get use to it and he was f-ing tired and he wasn't going to do sh!t for me. Let's just say that was a major breaking point.

Keep in mind though, just because I say I'm happier without my ex; doesn't mean do as I do. Your man still have time to "grow up" and step up to the plate. What I told you about my ex is just the tip of the iceberg. So if you love him and deep deep down you can see yourself being with this guy; then keep trying. If you're at your snapping point; like I was, then I would get your ducks in a row before anything.

Meg - posted on 03/02/2013

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I feel like our stories are very much the same. My son is 2 montha an ive been doing most the caring for him in the begining. My man was living with his family and put me through hell. Then he randomly decides to move in. I havent been the nicest, but when he does help he doesnt do it the right way. Even after being told 5 times. Its easier to do things alone sometimes. My issue is, sure he helps, but i have to do it alone at night. I have to do it during the day even when im tired and want a nap. He gets "him" time all the time. I never get "me" time. He doesnt work yet. So he has no excuse. An even when he does work. He still should help care for his son. I even make all the doctors appointments. I deal with all the issues. A little break. Or some help would be lovely, but noooo.

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