Does anyone have a problem with feeling loved, wanted, needed, or beautiful from their husband or significant other? I feel like my husband thinks I'm hideous...I have to beg for hugs, kisses, or for him to just touch me in general.

Ticy - posted on 03/11/2009 ( 25 moms have responded )

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Lately it just feels like my husband does not want me around. I literally have to beg for a kiss or hug!!! He doesn't look at me for any long period of time. I feel so ungly, unwanted, etc....any advice?

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Sonia - posted on 03/12/2009

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*sigh* sometimes men can be so obtuse.. i do think men and women have different needs,at different times and MOST men do have a problem with showing their feelings. I have a wonderful, hot man whom i love very much and i know he's a very tender person.. but sometimes i need to remind him "Hey, i am here and i need your attention, to feel i am wanted and that i am important to you".. don't feel too bad, Ticy. Do talk to him and make your point . If he loves you he'll understand and be more gentle.. at least for awhile!!!

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Bridget - posted on 08/25/2012

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i am going throught the same thing since my hubby had a min stroke and he memory is no good seem like he cant make me feel like im loved . i please im not on my own anymore my hubby 1is 51 yrs old and im 37 yrs i throught it was the age diffrent pehaps im wrong i am crying out for this to happen our child is 6 yrs old since i had my son things changes something when from our marrage ie being told u look good and thats he loves me .when i say anythink the anwear is normally i dont need to tell u that i love u and i would of been with u this long if i didnt .. which doesntmake me feel good for myself i feel very lonely

Debbie - posted on 03/26/2009

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I totally understand where you're coming from. My husband will never tell me if I look good (like if I got dressed up to go out for the night), likes to tell me how many women want HIM, I have to ask for hugs/kisses, and even when we're intimate ... I want it more than him where it starts to make me feel like a hideous person since men are supposed to want sex more. I didn't feel this way with him until after I gained weight when I was pregnant. I feel like he looks at me more as a mother than as a wife. And I find myself starting to feel the way I assume he's feeling about me ... unattracted.



When I ask him what I look like he tells me, "you have a mirror." I'll ask for a hug and he sighs. Goodness, he even let me know that The Biggest Loser was going to be in town a few weeks ago and how I should go "check it out."

Kyla - posted on 03/26/2009

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Your Gorgeous!!!

And yes i do know how you feel. My partner is exactly the same!!!

Men suck at the emotional stuff most of the time its very rare for a man to show his emotions. Ive just got used to it but if he was different before then try n talk to him about it hun. im sure you will be back to normal soon x

Susan - posted on 03/26/2009

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Men and woman naturally think differently.  For him it may not seem that bad.  Men often show the their love by porviding for and protecting their family.  While women show their affection with hugs kisses and doing the little things that we knows he likes.  When you set down to talk try telling him not only how you feel but what YOU need from him to make YOU feel like he is still interested.  It worked wonders with mine.  It never really dawned on him that the hug when he got home meant as much as knowing the bills were paid.

Doneita - posted on 03/13/2009

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I agree with the rest of the ladies to the fullest. If you stay in the house and just act like a mom all the time then that's all he's gonna see is this woman doing the same thing everyday. I was once given the same advice to dress up and go out; stop staying in the house. It works. Let this man see the same woman he fell in love with, turn him on. We women sometimes tend to get comfortable and just stop dressing up because we feel like "what's the sense, I already have him", and vice versa.

Jessica - posted on 03/12/2009

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so sorry that you are feeling that way....I truely think that you are a beautiful woman.  I have been having a similar problem with my husband where he does not acknowledge me much and does not like to help with the baby, I had a couple of talks with him so far about the issue and I told him that he has to start changing because if he does not then one day we are going to get tired of it and just not be there for him anymore...I think that you need to have a serious discussion with him and let him know exactly how you are feeling....I feel so bad that you are in that position right now, but I think that if you explain to him how you feel and make sure that the TV or any other distrations are not turned on....because he will not be listening to you then....he will hopefully see where your coming from and start showing some affection.  Good luck!

Samantha - posted on 03/12/2009

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What everybody says in this post, and get help fast.  Nip it in the bud, before bad things get worse. Good luck.  I wish you the best.

Jamie - posted on 03/12/2009

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I'm in the same situation as you are but with my significant other. I am not pregnant and haven't been in a long time but I still have insecurities about my looks and my wieght. Our problems got so bad that we recently separated due to a fight that stemmed from my insecurities. I feel that sometimes actions do speaks louder than words, its the combinations that helps us when we're feeling insecure.



It's only been a few days since our break-up and I've already found that I need to fix me. If I'm not comfortable with myself then how can I expect him to feel any differently. He probably still sees me as beautiful but if I can't see it in myself I'll never believe that he sees it. Getting yourself dolled up for you is probably the first step, whether it's a hair cut or getting your nails done or just dressing up. When you feel pretty then you'll feel like everyone around you thinks you're pretty.



I don't know if this will help at all but I do know how you feel. If you just need to talk or vent, I'm definitely here to listen.

[deleted account]

Ok - are you pregnant now?  My husband had a hard time with intimacy during pregnancy because he was afraid he would hurt the baby.  As a result, there was not as much affection (which usually leads to intimacy).  If you have already had your child(ren), then it could be that he feels the strain as well.  We get so caught up in our "Mommy Duties" that we fail to realize that this is a major life change for them, as well. 



You are absolutley adoreable, so I am surprised you have this issue at all!  Many times, moms put themselves on the back burner.  I get up, alot of times don't get out of my pj's until I HAVE to go somewhere, pull my hair back, and start my day taking care of everybody else.  My suggestion for you would be to make plans with a friend for a girls day out.  Get your hair done and get your nails done.  Doll yourself up.  Buy a new outfit if you can afford it.  Make yourself feel better and maybe he will take notice!



Hope this helps, but I am unclear on specifics, so I took a shot in the dark.....Good Luck!

Cheryll - posted on 03/11/2009

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Ticy, you are very pretty and I really think that it is hormones. They can really do a number on you. Once you have given birth and you are back to your norm, your life will be as well. Some men see pregnant women as a glow and some don't. But, once the birth of your child, he will be completely overwhelmed by seeing this baby that you and he created out of LOVE! Best of wishes to you... Hang in there, it will get better.

Shelly - posted on 03/11/2009

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Ticy,



  Have you had a heart to heart with him and I don't just mean on the fly or when your upset I mean just a good old fashion convesation.  I find it easiest when we are laying in bed at night after all the kids are down.  Thats when we have are best talks, there has been alot of issues settled in that bed try it you might be surprised at whats really going on with him.  It may not be you at all.  Men are funny little creatures and show thier stress in many different forms.  Think about how we as women when we start getting all stressed out over the kids and other things going on around the home and we end up taking it out on our hubbys and with hold sex and yes we have all done it a time or two, well sometimes they do the same.  Just talk to him...Good luck

Becky - posted on 03/11/2009

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Maybe you should have a "date night" and watch Fireproof. Looking at your picture, your husband might need to see the eye doctor too - you're beautiful!

Marissa - posted on 03/11/2009

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I know the feeling. I was about 125lbs. when we first met. I had the two kids 15 months apart and gained weight. Now I feel like I am to fat and ugly. I too have to beg for attention.

Tricia - posted on 03/11/2009

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Oh - I'm sorry.  It's hard when you feel like your man isn't being intimate in the ways you would like.  My guess is that it's because he doesn't need the same sort of intimacy that you do.   Someone above said that men and women need love differently.  I agree.  Have you ever read "Love and Respect" by Emmerson Eggerichs?  It's a great book.  His premise (and my hubby and I both agree) is that men need respect where women need to feel love.  There's a lot of good advice in there, but basically it boils down to if you show your man unconditional respect (a gift of respect even when he does not deserve it) then he will soften to you and your needs and act more lovingly and intimate.  (Works the other way around too).  I have personally seen this in my marriage.  When I start to feel neglected, I look at things I've said to hubby or reactions I've had and realized that I've not been the most respectful.  So I change, and start giving him that respect and voila!  He's more willing to be close to me!  Some examples of showing respect would be:



1.  Telling him what a good provider, husband and father he is and how grateful you are for him.



2.  Telling your children, in front of him, that they have a good daddy who works hard and provides all the good things you have.



3.  Praising him in front of friends or family. (i.e. My husband is so good at fixing things around the house.  I don't know what I would do without him).



4.  Not downplaying or criticing his needs and desires.



Hope some of this helps!  Good luck!

Ticy - posted on 03/11/2009

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Thank you all so very much! Everyone's advice is great and thank you for the compliments. It makes me feel better knowing that others feel the same way, or at least similar.



I have told him how I feel about my looks and so on, but he never says anything about me. He only says things like "aww baby" or "it's not that bad". I just feel so lost and neglected.

Sibs - posted on 03/11/2009

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lf it were me, i'd stop asking frankley! take a good look at myself in the mirror and check out what is great about me and work it hun.  Sometimes we dont need to be so available, get out there have some fun with your friends etc... l bet when you get back in looking great and just happy you'll be far more appealing to him.  By the way l think your beautiful and im sure the rest of the crew here will think the same :) take care and try it out, let us know how it goes xx

Lily - posted on 03/11/2009

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Life with children and your relationship with your hubby is hard to work the two out without feelin just like a maid!!!
Make sure you make time for eachother without the kids!!!
He will look forward to that time!
May sound silly but its all the small things that'll bring you back feeling like a beautiful wanted women!!!

Kat - posted on 03/11/2009

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Hi Ticy, I feel for you. I am going through something similar but perhaps not as bad. I am paranoid about my wobbly belly & stretch marks. Hubby says all the right things, but doesn't necessarily do all the right things. It is more than likely our issue & not them at all. I think maybe you need to do some things to make yourself feel better about yourself. Get some confidence & a fresh attitude toward yourself. This will be better for you & most likely make him wake up to himself too. By your picture you look gorgeous, I doubt he thinks your hideous at all.

Kelli - posted on 03/11/2009

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Yes, I do know how you feel. You are beautiful and you are growing a life inside you. How awesome is that!!! In just my opinion you both are going through changes right now. He is seeing you as a mother which is probably weird to him. You are feeling ugly because pregnancy hormones are horrible. Maybe he thinks you already feel ugly so he doesn't want to look at you for fear you will think he is thinking yuck when really he is thinking wow! Mom's are amazing, beautiful and do something only men can watch from afar. I would try and talk to him. If you can't because like me you cry everytime you try then write him a letter. If he sees it in print it may hit home. Good luck and let us know how you are. Come on here daily if you need someone to tell you how beautiful you are because it's true!!!!!!

Connie - posted on 03/11/2009

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I can give great parenting advice due to experience, but I truly wish I had the answer to this one. Often men feel either 1-Abandoned or put aside by the children, 2-go into a Madonna complex where they only see you as the mother of their children and not a sexual being, or 3-Resentful of the responsibilities family places upon them if they have single friends. He may not even know or be aware of what he's feeling, but it's HIM, not you. Try to get out with your friends and make sure he sees you dressed up and having fun and being a woman, not just a mom. Try to get couple time in where you two actually have FUN together and revamp your communication. Make sure he knows that you appreciate all that he does for you and the family (and don't dwell on all that he DOESN'T do, after all, he's a guy). That's my best advice, take it or leave it.

Doneita - posted on 03/11/2009

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Have you guys sat down and talk about this yet because communication is the key?

[deleted account]

HI Ticy, I don't know your husband nor you but looking at your profile picture he has no reason to avoid you !! Maybe it helps you to know that (I believe) often men and women need different things at different times and what seems to be denial of love is just a sign of the other "half" being in a different worls right now. Men and women usually "speak" a different language of love and show it in different ways..I would not worry too much especially because that sometimes can make things worse..follow your own interests and make yourself !rae", my nan used to say that is a good way of seeking their attention again :)

Carol - posted on 03/11/2009

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sweetie, I know exactly how you feel (btw you're gorgeous)



 



my hubby and I are going through the same thing right now. I've tried explaining it to him and he just says things along the lines of 'you're beautiful stop thinking that way) but when I want to get 'close' I usually get turned away.



 



its a totally normal feeling after having a baby and your man needs to realize whether or not your feelings are 'true' they're real to you either way.



 



time to sit him down and have a serious talk, maybe I'll do the same and we can compare notes ;) lol

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