Does anyone have a sibling that you wish would be involved in you and your kids life?

Amy - posted on 05/15/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Just wondering if anyone else has a sibling like me that seems to care less about my kids. Never comes and sees them. I gave up on trying to invite her a few years ago because it would always fall through, and usually for some lame excuse like her having laundry to do. I have 3 kids worth of laundry, and if I can have time to get together I think she can too. Its just all about priorities, and not even are we near the top of the list, I don't think we're even in her notebook!
She has plenty of time for her husbands nephews and nieces. When she married she did not offer to include my son in the wedding party, but instead chose her husbands nieces, and children of a friend. When I asked her if my son could be the ring boy she agreed thankfully. But at the wedding she talked to me for a total of maybe 1-2 minutes, and this is after me doing a lot of shopping to help put together the last minute wedding that was supposed to be a BBQ in a backyard to begin with. I was also 7 months pregnant with my 3rd child at the time so it certainly wasn't a breeze to run around town getting decorations, sweaters for the girls who were in the wedding party, and at the last minute when she agreed after me asking, my sons clothes to be the ring bearer.
She has seen my now 5 month old daughter as many times as I can count on one hand. There have also been a couple of occasions where she has seemed to make it pretty clear she has little or no interest in my kids.
Funny thing is, she expects me to be thrilled hearing about and seeing pictures of their dog, while she doesn't even give my 3 kids as much attention as I've given the dog. I also can't help but feel if or when she has kids of her own, she would expect me to be involved and see them, but of course she doesn't do that with my kids.
I really don't understand it as we've not had any kind of falling out, it just seems like she kind of drifted further and further as the years have gone on. At her wedding, I was not asked to be a bridesmaid, but she was a bridesmaid at my wedding, and 1 of only 2. We've never been close, but if it makes sense, it's not as if we're not close either. She was my only sibling until we had a stepsister and brother around age 9 for me and 11 for her from my dad remarrying.
Just curious if anyone else experiences anything similar, or if I should call her out on it, or what. It seems it would be hard to talk to her about as we never talk anyways.
Thanks in advance for any opinions and or advice :)

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/15/2013

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Ok, let me see if I have this straight: You’re upset because your sister doesn’t see eye to eye with you in regards to spending time as a family?
Quoting: “. Its just all about priorities, and not even are we near the top of the list, I don't think we're even in her notebook!
You are exactly right. Her priorities are not your priorities. Your priorities revolve around your kids. She is not their parent, and she has her own life: Different priorities.
Quoting: “She has plenty of time for her husbands nephews and nieces. When she married she did not offer to include my son in the wedding party, but instead chose her husbands nieces, and children of a friend”
Again: Priorities. Well, that, and IT WAS HER WEDDING, not yours...
Quoting: “When I asked her if my son could be the ring boy she agreed thankfully. But at the wedding she talked to me for a total of maybe 1-2 minutes, and this is after me doing a lot of shopping to help put together the last minute wedding that was supposed to be a BBQ in a backyard to begin with”
You pushed to have your son included, and offered to do some running around. Your choice there. And to be quite honest, I don’t remember having all THAT much time at my (very small) wedding to dote on one guest, or to spend more than 5 minutes in meaningful conversation. EVERYONE wanted to talk to me, have a photo, etc...it wasn’t a time to sit and have family hour. And, if it was supposed to be a BBQ, why did you have to do a lot of last minute running? Lack of planning on someone’s part doesn’t constitute an emergency on your part...I’m discounting the “last minute finding of outfit for son” because you brought that on yourself.
Quoting: “She has seen my now 5 month old daughter as many times as I can count on one hand.
My youngest brother has seen my kids twice a year since their birth. My next to youngest brother has seen them once a year. My middle brother MAYBE sees them once a year, and he lives less than a block away with his own two kids. Yes, I see them more than he sees mine. Oh well...it’s NOT that big of deal.
Quoting:” There have also been a couple of occasions where she has seemed to make it pretty clear she has little or no interest in my kids”
There ya have it, a clear indicator that she’s really not that interested in the same things you are. It’s really NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. Everyone has different interests. Especially if you’re not that close. Yeah, I get the not too close, but not NOT close either thing...I have the same relationship with my sibs.
Oh, and the comment about she didn’t have you in her wedding, even though you had her in yours...again, personal choice. You chose to allow your sister to be a special part of your day. She did not so choose, and no one should try to force her in that case.

I’m sorry that you feel your relationship with your sister isn’t the best. Perhaps, if you were more willing to meet on her terms, and quit insisting that your kids be included in every little minute of her life, you will find things going more smoothly.

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