Does anyone have expierence w/ reuniting with long lost family?

Lisamarie81m - posted on 12/05/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )




My Husband never knew his mom she left him when he was 5 or younger. Yesturday His oldest half brother contacted him through facebook, they talked on the phone for over an hour last night. Today his mom called and left a message. I know that my husband is not ready for all this, he is overwhelmed. He has had a bad childhood, rough upbrining, and family is something he jsut doenst trust.

I would like to hear if anyone else has reunited with family and how did it go? what happened and how did you feel about it?

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Niamh - posted on 04/04/2013




I have finally managed to trace my birth mother she gave me up for adoption in Jan 1966 at the age she was then of 18yrs old, Through the BENEVOLENT SOCIETY in Brisbane . She married a couple of years later.She now lives in Horncastle in Lincolnshire in the Uk , i am now living on the Gold Coast in Australia .

I have recently been in touch and i am over the moon to have found her after 46 years of being apart.She had always prayed i would one day find her but never imagine that day would ever come .I also have a younger sister Joanna who has always grown up knowing about me but it was a fantastic surprise to me to find out i had a REAL younger sister..My mother is now 65 , i have just turned 47 and we are desperate to see and hold each other.I would be over joyed for her to come and stay with me and our family .
I now live in the Gold Coast in Qld Australia and have done now for the last 4 yrs, since we Emigrated from Buxton in Derbyshire , i would give anything for her stay with me and my family in Australia so we could finally be together at last.Alas she has medical issues that prevent her from flying .We skype each other nearly every day .

My financial situation is hard , i have medical reasons i can not work , my husband is severe diabetic , he works but we never have enough to be able to save , if i could i would gladly pay for my birth mother to visit me.I have a 26 yr old Daughter who i haven't seen either for 4 years and its very hard knowing you can not afford to fund a trip back or bring them out.

My Birth mother was taken into hospital last June 2012 and thankfully came through a very tough time in which she nearly died , I thank God she is still alive today , it certainly has helped me feel i do belong to someone , she did care for me , and has never stopped loving me , it was 1966 and times were very different back then .She has just been told by her doctors that she is unable to fly due to her Lung capacity , we are both totally devastated as the only way now would be for her to come by boat and that would cost a fortune were are so near yet so far i wish she had a guardian angel to help her ,I am just elated to finally have her in my life at last be it she is 10,000 miles away when for many years before we have found out we lived just 25 miles apart.If only then we knew about each other then.
I hope your Husband will feel either a need for closure or can now move forward with knowing the facts behind his mothers departure all those years ago .I know how i feel , and thats a much more contented person knowing it was circumstance that separated us all those years ago .

[deleted account]

When I was 36 I found my DNA Dad. Always knew his name but just never could quite come up with connecting. My whole life I felt like I had a chapter that I couldn't write. I now have a DNA Dad, Ste-mom, 2 brothers, 2 sisters and 9 nieces and nephews; of course along with the extended family. I have never been happier.

The stories between my mom and my DNA Dad vary, a lot, but honestly I have approached it as "I wasn't there 40 years ago, I have no clue what truly happened and I don't care... what matters is now, that we have found each other and what we do with life right now and in the future." I really think this is what makes the positive difference.

I am loyal and commited to my step-dad, he has raised me since I was 5 and no one can replace my daddy - he is the one who loved me and cared for me, and he didn't have to.

I think there is only 1 life and and the end you don't want to have regrets of "what if"... but I would be cautious, there are not always happy endings. I had set very real and specific guidelines and I set myself up for the real possibility that 1) they were not good decent people that I would want to have a relationship with; or more importantly that 2) that they wouldn't want to have a relationship with me.

Be cautious but go with an open forgiving heart. I would do this again 1,000 times over - like I did, with NO judgment about either side.

Maureen - posted on 12/06/2009




would any one know out there on facebook Im trying to find my son who I had to adopt out when i was 15 cause my mother didnt want the neighbours to talk so she sent me away to a place for unmarried mothers. so I was shipped off to qld. His adopted name is Kerry John Smith born 23rd dec 1969 and his adopted parents lived at 171 victoria st. St. George. QLD> his adopted mother was kathleen smith and father john reid smith. have also found out the father passed away and he was a taxi propieter in the st. george area and so the mother and him moved they were in their forties when he was adopted so he would be inhis 40s now maybe mum has passed away too.He has natural brothers to his natural father we separated so i looked after the rest of the siblings on my own. anyway if someone out there knows of him i would appreciate a response

Sheba - posted on 12/06/2009




its wonderful when the universe helps .
if there is some family out there go ahead and explore the relationship but with a clean sheet and no expectations . keep it clean . u i presume have a happy life now so keep it that way by keeping this new found family at a distance .go slow . take ur time .let the relationship unfold as time moves on and u will be comfortable . when we live with the parents we are born with life unfolds and tunes us each day but when the same people abandon us and re-enter our lives there is a lot baggage that we have carried alone that they are not aware of and neither u know what all they have undergone .
so dont be in a hurry .dont be judgemental ..keep ur heart open but also ur eyes and ears and ur wisdom start
my brother ( 14 elder to me )and i never had a good relationship and after my fathers death my brother fought bitterly with me over the issue of my father's will and stopped all communications with me and .after 5yrs of silence ,his son called me to tell me that my brother is unwell and has now has become an angry bitter old man .i went to meet him the next day he looked haggered and old and sad and i forgave him that instant but i didnt tell him so and i didnt get sucked in to any emotional wave... i kept my cool and waited for months for him to respond so now some times we talk on phone ....sometimes he asks for my advice for his property and his family .......i take him to the doctor when he is unwell ..........but still a little wary and keeping my distance and so its working good both of us . its been 2 yrs now we both are happy in our own lives and we now meet on occasions .
i hope this helps
god bless u .

Brenda - posted on 12/05/2009




I reunited with my son- it was a wonderful experience for both of us. A different situation- I was to young to keep him. It was horrible for me but I did it for him and he loves his life so all turned out well. It takes men longer to prepare for this kind of reunion also the fact that he was 5 year old when it happened. It really depends on the people involved and how their personalities are. Outgoing or shy. It might be a great and you will miss that. A good time to heal. You can always pull away if its not what he wants. Good Luck with it all. Best wishes and God Bless you all.

Kristina - posted on 12/05/2009




My father had divorced my mother when i was 4 and I hadn't seen him for something like 14 years. I went to the east coast for the first time to meet my husband's family when I was 20. My mother had an old phone number for my father's father. I tried it and it worked. My grandfather's first words to me were, "When can we see you?" I asked him if he knew where my father was. He told me that he has been homeless this entire time and was just recently released from jail and was in a homeless shelter 20 minutes away from me. I made plans to meet my grandfather in the next couple of days. I called the shelter and saw my dad for the first time, he had Thanksgiving with us. I went and saw my grandfather and found out that I was one of three people left on that side of my family, so my grandfather was thrilled to have family again. I spoke to my father every single day for the next three years, until the day he died. This gave me severe closure and all the questions I had growing up were finally answered. It was completely worth it. Now I have a wonderful grandfather to add to my family.
I hope that you at least try to let the family member back into your life. It is ultimately their choice in the manner, however if you give it your all that is all that you can do. Good luck and I hope my story will inspire you.

[deleted account]

My husband's dad broke up w/his mom b4 the age of 2, he moved some time after that & got married eventually having a baby girl. His dad (more likely his step-mom) would send cards/letters occasionally, all of which his mother kept & hid. @ 16 he looked up his dad's addy, stole his mom's car & drove 2 meet his other family (sister ws 8). He despised his mom for hiding his dad from him and we still keep in touch w/them. We went to his sisters graduation last summer. She was happy to have a sibling out there, as she thought she was an only child, and is proud to be an aunt to her 2 nephews. He isn't very close with his dad, but they aren't the talking type? I on the other hand am much closer with his step-mom & sister (easy 4 us since they weren't supposed to be there in my childhood).

His mom also had his brothers taken away from her by the state 8-9 yrs ago, they are now 22, 14, & 13. Last year the young boys were afraid mom was going to come meet them and the 13 yr old started having nightmares :( The 22 year old had a relationship w/her longer and after they moved in with their dad. He now doesn't consider her family. I'm not sure what transpired between them but there is bad blood between those 2! My husband got emancipated at 17 and she moved out of town...whatever happened after she moved didn't bode well for them! She has had no contact w/the younger boys since they were taken and I'm not sure what to think about it happening as they are young and impressionable...she was also into drugs and I don't think she has seperated herself from that lifestyle yet, so I don't encourage a relationship between them...

As far as your husband, I'm assuming he's older then 13 & 14 and should be old enough to listen to her story, ask his own questions and look back on what he remembers and take from it what he wants...He does not have to have a relationship with her, but maybe keep her on an occasional phone call, get pictures of the kids kinda basis? I'm glad we know my father-in-law & fam. If she's into drugs or something then I would discourage a relationship, but he's an adult and there is always some family member that you limit contact with and don't talk about that often, maybe that will be his mom or maybe they can end up having a great relationship despite their past! My husband had a much better relationship with his mother since he moved out of her house and didn't have to live with her BS, having many miles between us limiting our times to short visits also helps foster this relationship... Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 12/05/2009




I was adopted and a few years ago I found my birthfather. We bonded instatnly and now see/talk to each other at least once a week. We have the relationship that I always wanted with my adopted parents (but never had). The only down side was that I found my birthmother too late (died) and my adopted parents are now so jealous and angry at me for finding my birth family that they dont want to talk to me.

[deleted account]

There is only this one life that we all get. Why not take a chance to know his mother? Despite what was in the past, both sides will have to earn the trust and respect of one another, as in all relationships, but if you don't take the first step and the chance that you have at this moment, you just might miss a really great opportunity to meet the best person (God willing) in the whole wide world...your mom. Remember that no one is perfect in this world, but everyone deserves a second chance.

Hope this will help?

Good Luck!

♥ Dig ;) XOXOX
P.S. I wish that I could have my mother back in my life, but she died back in 1993. :*(

Sharon - posted on 12/05/2009




I dated a guy who had been abandoned as a toddler. One day I answered his phone to hear someone identify themselves as his sibling.

I knew the whole story. What he knew of it anyway. His mother painted herself as a saint. The state that saved his life painted her just short of satan.

I think he was relieved to have touched base with his family but last I heard he wasn't really interested in connecting with them. The stories just didn't add up. He made a great person of himself. I don't think he needed them. My only concern was that he would get sucked into their drama. And almost from the minute they called, there was drama.

He was a strong person and knew himself. He didn't need them. We talked a little about expectations and what to do etc. But mostly he just sort of touched based with his siblings and that was it. I heard later he visited them but again, I think that was to satisfy a curiosity he had.

He seperated truth from lies as best as he could and left the rest of it alone.

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