Does anyone sometimes regret being a mom

Ashley - posted on 01/09/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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After telling my sons father I was pregnant he said he had a girlfriend and didn’t tell her until my son was 4 months old. Found out during custody battle had another chick on the side which he recently married. Well make a long story short he always came around when it was convenient for him and when my son was born he refused to sign his BC and demanded DNA. I go to have it completed and he gave me false info which resulted in the state having to force him to do it. Once he was on house arrest he expected me to drive an hr and a half away so he could see him but prior to house arrest he came ever now and then. It was times he would be in my city and wouldn’t call or come by. Well I cut off the late nights and told him if he wanted to see him it needed to be at a decent hour.Once child support was in process he has made my life a living hell! He lied about his income resulting in CS being at minimum wage, and then always brags about this new woman and how he is great with her daughter. I petitioned the court for timesharing and visitation because in my opinion if he really wanted to be involved it would show, Right? He then turn around and counter petition for 50/50, petitions the court to reduce his cs. Funny as I write this now because I was so hurt that he was doing these things. He told me a lot of it was spite for putting him on child support and although I asked him to do it on his own I should have went on about my business. My attorney setup supervised visits due to his background and to give him and my son a chance to get to know each other. Once off house arrest he missed visitation left and right (missed half). Even tried to go to the Bahamas but his probation denied it. All awhile he is telling the court he can’t afford to pay CS. In the end I ended up getting Sole parental and him having more supervised visits and eventually 1 wked a mnth. In between the process he would call late at night or early morning asking to talk or we needed to be friends for our son’s sake and how he still had feelings for me (I ignored never replied). Sense he didn’t prevail at trail to avoid CS, he told my father and had his now wife send my attorney an email saying he no longer wanted to see my son and blamed me as to why. He marries moves out of state petitions the court again to reduce CS, stops paying and xmas emails me asking to pick my son up to take him shopping "Then says I don’t have a job now I will pay what I can in CS.” But I want to get him things for XMAS just knowing I am did the right thing." Huh! I don’t understand his wife because she is a mom. When I refer to the court order, no more replies. Calls my son on xmas tells him he loves him, funny because my son thought he was speaking to my niece and of course nothing for xmas. Text happy New Year we need to make this right, have a bond and understanding. Is it just me or does this whole thing with him seems like a game? He says I need to allow him to just pick him up when he wants. He tells people I am jealous and bitter and it’s not so. I don’t call him nor bother him and but every chance he gets to speak with me he is always bragging about this new women. I really feel bad because my son’s only father figure is my dad and I feel I should not have pursued CS and I wouldn’t have these problems. Now in case anyone is wondering at the time my pay was cut and I needed the help. My mom is sick with cancer and her and my father could no longer help me. But I ended up getting a promotion but I felt he should still be responsible for helping me. Now I wish I had just left it alone when he refused to sign his BC and the DNA. I remember asking him for formula when my son was a month old he told me to get on the program! I have a good job now and I am one class away from receiving my degree. I work hard to provide for my child. He treats me like crap and sometimes I actually regret ever meeting him. He portrays as if he is really involved with my child and he isn’t. I called his mom and asked if she would give me the opportunity for me and my son to get to know her so he could have a relationship with her... that phone call was March '12, she has never called but he claims she wants to see him. He tells me he has changed and how happy and perfect is life is. It seems as if he gets a kick out of hurting me and now that his spouse is encouraging him with his actions. I don’t know what it is like to not have a father mine has always been in my life. I don’t understand how a person can do these hurtful things and say they love their child and want to be in his life and but can be in voluntarily active in someone else’s child’s life. He says I keep him from him but why would I seek a parenting plan if I wanted to keep him away. The courts encourage the both parents to be involved. How can a person expect for a toddler to see them a few times and think it is ok and that it is good enough. He should want to take the time to allow him to get to know him. I am starting to think it is just a front for this woman because she has a child. If I refused to let him see him then I am in contempt and I my child is too important to me to do that. As of today he has not seen him in 4 months and I am regretting being a mom because it seems like I have to go hell and high water for having my child and he is the part that’s giving me HELL. My brother told me how you can expect him to be around now and he wasn’t during your pregnancy. I guess he is right. Has anyone else experienced these problems? Sorry so long I figured I had to point out everything or someone will start trying to bash me and details are left out.

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Firebird - posted on 01/09/2013

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Seems to me like you don't regret being a mom. This statement proves that: "my child is too important to me to do that". You just regret the man who fathered your child. That is not unusual. There are many women in similar situations to yours and worse. Just let it go and keep doing the best you can for your son.

Lakota - posted on 01/09/2013

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Your mom loves you. She is right though. He is no good. But, your son is a gift and he should be cherished. I do believe that things happen for a reason. Keep your head up and concentrate on being a great, loving mom. I will pray for you and for a healing for your mom.

Ashley - posted on 01/09/2013

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Sometimes I feel like I regret it because my mom said and still says he is no good and I didnt listen. Its just annoying becasue every time he surfaces its drama and its just to have his way. I thank you for your words of encouragement. Being that my mom is sick I wont dare speak of this to her when she is down. I hope one day he would just stop but so far its every few months he reappears via ph or email with nonsense.

Lakota - posted on 01/09/2013

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Hon, no one is going to bash you and it's ok that it is long. There are many women on this site who has been and still are in your shoes. Let the loser go. It is a game to him and he doesn't care about his/your son. It is hard to comprehend that, but, he has been and is showing you how unimportant his son is to him. You can't force him or keep trying to make him be a father. I don't believe that you regret having your son. None of this is his fault or your fault. You love him and he loves you. You also can't make the grandmother be a grandmother. You are only responsible for your behavior and it is not your fault that those people are horrible. I know how it feels to wonder how can a father treat their kids the way they do. I have been there. It took a while for me to understand that I can't make people do right and I can't change them. What you think he should do and what he will do are two very different things. Take care of your son, don't contact that loser, go on with your life. You can do this.

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