Does every woman feel like a horrible mother at some point? Or is it just me?

Beth - posted on 11/05/2009 ( 43 moms have responded )

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My son is 10 1/2 months old and there are days when I still feel like I am just not a good mom. Like I could be doing a much better job than I am doing. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

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Rita - posted on 11/08/2009

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I totally relate to putting my children before myself and the nagging guilt that goes with wanting something for myself. I've come to the conclusion that when I have those thoughts about wanting something for myself, it is a signal. It is a sign that I am not feeling supported or cared for.

I made a decision that caring for myself is not an extra luxury, but a necessity. When I feel supported and cared for, I can be a more present and caring and alert parent. When I don't, I become reactive, short-tempered, and feeling deprived.

So, I start to ask myself: What do I need right now? It could be a cup of tea or a walk in the woods or a bath. Most often, it is not even something to buy, but whatever generates a feeling of support or care.

Most times, it turns the whole day around for me.
Hope that helps!

Daisy - posted on 11/05/2009

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Everyone has their moment...that's just a sign of being a good mom. You question it because you want to make sure you're doing the best that you can. Nobody's perfect...all you can do is your best. You question it because you care...which means, you're a good mom!!

Paula - posted on 11/05/2009

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If someone tells you different, they are most likely lying. One way or another...something will happen and the mommy will feel horrible and as if they are horrible. My son is 8 and I still have moments like that. My daughter is 2 months and I think I've spent half her life feeling guilty for something...normally for her having group b strep and now for her maybe having H1N1...You just have to remember that you are a good mother. Take pride in that!

Sondra - posted on 11/05/2009

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I'd say that's pretty common due to all the stress and worries you have in the world. My only advice be sure it's not still postpartum depression. I had that extremely bad with my first child and I can honestly say, I didn't even know it. But if you're sure it's not, just always keep in mind there's very much worse mothers out there!! Know that you are doing your best and people make mistakes! I'm still making them, but I can't beat myself up every time!

Tracie - posted on 11/05/2009

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I have a 9 yr old, a 7 yr old, a 5 yr old and a 21 month old and I have those thoughts at least once a day! I think it is normal to feel like we could do better, especially when we constantly compare our self to other moms who "seem" to do everything right!

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User - posted on 10/08/2013

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I just sometimes feel that I don't do enough with them and spend time with them more. I am a stay home mom and my husband works with the fire department so I am basically a single mom for 1/3 of the year. I am blessed to have the amazing opportunity to stay home with my boys and help them grow and have a husband that helps when he is home but I feel like I could do more. At times I am just exhausted with the every day challenges of life that it is hard to find the energy to spend quality time with my kids even though I know I need to. That makes me feel like a bad mom because I know I should be doing more. I should be taking them to the park regularly and museums around town that I know they will enjoy but I just don't have the energy or motivation to do so. Thats where I feel like a bad mother. I always tell them I love them and kiss them good night. I read a story and make my oldest son of 5 yrs old brush his teeth every night and try to get him in bed as close to bed time as possible. There are night when I just don't have the patience to read a story and I know I should and I feel bad when I don't every night. Does that make me a bad mother. I wish there were a guidance book to follow to help give steps on how to be the best mother you can be but all kids are different and you have to use differenet mothering styles that best works for you even if you feel like it wasn't the best choice. I know I am a good mother but it is nice to have reassurance about it to give you that confidence in what your doing is right.

Jennifer - posted on 11/19/2009

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Oh yes....most days. Even when people tell me that I am a great mom and how tough I have it...I still think man it is my kid I feel sorry for.

Kathy - posted on 11/19/2009

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Not everyday as a mom is a bed of roses. Some days are more thorny than others. I have two boys a year apart. And I love my kids and I know they love me. However there are times when all they do is fight and argue. I am sorely tempted to run out the door the moment my husband comes home and yell, " Tag your it, I'm done"

Yes there are things that I do and say that I sometimes regret. But I try harder the next day and try to remember that time goes by too fast for regrets. So you can't be June Cleaver everyday and you can alway find some reality show where the kids are a lot worse than yours.

Emma - posted on 11/18/2009

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Don't do that to yourself...they will always test us and we will always win.. I know it can be frustrating at times. just be consistent and take a break, read a book (motivational) and do some yoga...

I have a 18 and 15 yrs old.. let me tell you save your energy on the teen years..that is the time you wish they were 1 or 2 years old..

Tasia - posted on 11/17/2009

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There are a lot of times I feel like that. Right now I am in school and feel like I should be spending my time with him and not studying. After talking to my mom about it she made me realize that he loves me no matter what. You are a good mom! Keep your head up!

Joanne - posted on 11/17/2009

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I have had my days I felt like a bad mom, last week with the dishwasher, oh my! I felt horrible that he could have hurt himself but thankfully he didn't! I think it's normal for us to question ourselves.

Kathy - posted on 11/16/2009

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We all fell like that sometimes. You just do your best and know that in your kids eyes you are the best.

Abla - posted on 11/09/2009

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Hey They, no you are not the only one who feel this way ...I have 5 years old doghter and 4 year son and a 7 month baby girl...and some times I just feel like can do a much much better job it dose gat hard some times

Rita - posted on 11/08/2009

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I think that most moms have had that feeling about themselves at one point or another. I know I have. However, here's something to remember. Nobody could be doing it better than you. No one with your history, your challenges and triumphs, your background, could be mothering better than you do. No one.

We all do the best that we can with the level of knowledge and understanding and consciousness that we have. And if we could, we would.

Knowing this in my heart has helped me a lot. Hope it brings some relief to you.

Sherelle - posted on 11/08/2009

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I'll never forget the time i called my mum up and asked her if she ever had a moment when she wondered what the hell posessed her to have kids , she laughed and said, yes, many times , i felt so much better knowing that is wasnt just me, you arent alone hun, we all feel that way occationally, but if it is more than occationally, go see your doc, cause it can also be a syptom of PND I have 4 boys 6,4,2 and 5 months, so im flat out but i love them dearly and wouldnt swap them for anything .............except maybe a decent nights sleep lmao j/k Dont feel bad , YOU are exactly what YOUR son needs , try and remeber that ok, Take care!

Karen - posted on 11/07/2009

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I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one that feels this way. I have a son who is a little behind in school and getting special help and sometimes I feel like I could have done better during his preschool years but then I think about all the meds he was on and know that there was not a whole lot I could do. But it is still in the back of my head. Have a great day everyone!

Casey - posted on 11/07/2009

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I feel thay way more times than not, but I also need to remember that I am doing the best I can do. Sometimes it is depressing to know that my children cannot get the love and attention that the despretely desire. Or material things that I wish for them. But everyone makes mistakes. Nobody can see in advance what life throws at you. If so I think we all would re-think the whole issue of having kids. As long as I can raise my children in a protective environment and be true to them and try my hardest, nobody can tell me I dont have the expectation of being a "good" mom. Nobody is perefect.

Christabel - posted on 11/07/2009

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Just the fact that you are asking yourself that suggests that you are very conscious of trying to do the right thing. Everybody cannot get it right all the time and your children need to be aware in some a small way that you will make mistakes but you will also try to do your best by them as much as you are able. And afterall don't they need to know the the value of persistence and learning from what we do. Another Mum said children don't come with an instruction booklet-(what am I saying) encyclopedia!

Latisha - posted on 11/05/2009

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oh im so glad im not alone in this either! i feel this way sooooo many times. my son's father is not around. and he doesnt call. but every blue moon i get a babysitter. and if i dont call to check on him, i feel bad. like if i take him to grandma's monday morning, if i dont call by monday night, i feel terrible. and i really feel like a terrible mom if i go away for a weekend and enjoy myself. on the other hand i feel like i deserve some "me time". also...i am really struggling financially. i always say when i get some money im gonna get some thigns for ME. but i always end up having to buy something that my baby needs. i always put his needs b4 mine. but sometimes...i really wish i could buy myself something, and it makes me sad/depressed. and then i start thinkin "im such a terrible mom for wishing i could get things for me".

Jessica - posted on 11/05/2009

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Beth, we are only human and we do the best we can as parents. As long as you do your best and what you think is the best way to raise your son don't let anyone judge you as a mom. If someone thinks you're not being a good mom hasn't walked a day in your shoes. I know I have felt I haven't been the best mom myself but we do the best we can.

Amber - posted on 11/05/2009

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I definitely feel that way sometimes...my daughter is only 6.5 months and I've prolly felt it more than I should...my daughter has a cold right now and I just cant help feeling like I should have seen it coming and I a bad mama.

Maria - posted on 11/05/2009

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Beth, if you feel like that at times then you are probably doing a great job with your little one! Bad moms don't care or don't even have the insight to care.....So, take a deep breath and enjoy these baby years...They go by so quickly! : ) P.S. I am a child/adolescent psych nurse..........

Melanie - posted on 11/05/2009

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Just remember there is no such thing as super mums only human mums. But I think we are the best kind. And yes there are times you catch us on our best days when for some unbeknowst reason to us the children have all decided to do as they are told and you look the model parent in company. Then there is the average day. And then there are those days (moments), where nothing you seem to try works and you both end up quivering messes in different rooms for both of your safety



If things start to seem overwhelming sometimes a change of scene works, take a walk/go to the mall and window shop/take him somewhere where he can watch the cars/trucks/buses/builders wahtever it is he loves to look at.



Most of all remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! You live in a world of mothers who continually question their abilities as a parent.

Blackwood - posted on 11/05/2009

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yes, I hear you. I feel that way sometime or I feel bad if I'm not taking every moment with my son, he will be 3 months old. I feel bad if I just want to put him in his swing for 5 mins and do nothing, but from talking to other moms, this seems to be normal. We just don't talk enough about this stuff. You have to look at all the things you do, not all the stuff you don't.

Jen - posted on 11/05/2009

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Oh honey you aren't alone! I would think that it would be not normal if every mom didn't feel that way once in a while! I know I have! And I still do sometimes! *hugs*

Tina - posted on 11/05/2009

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I have 4 children and 3 of the four are adults and I still feel like I am not a good mom at times.. It's got to be a mom thing honestly.. this age is a good age wait until they become teens.

Angela - posted on 11/05/2009

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YES!! there is just some days that could be better!! i feel that way alot bc my sons father is not around!! its hard and sometimes i need help! :D your not the only one

Christine - posted on 11/05/2009

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I think we are so hard on ourselves and dont give ourselves as much credit as we deserve. As moms we at some point or another feel we could be doing better. Our children will love us no matter what. There smile everyday tells us we are doing just fine:)

Melanie - posted on 11/05/2009

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I've been in that position too and I think it's normal to feel that there are certain standards and expectations you set for yourself to acheive. Depending on what those are though, don't be too rough on yourself. That will only make things worse.

Kizzy - posted on 11/05/2009

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i feel like that sometimes, i'm never there for them the way i should be, if i could be a at home mom i would be...i work so much to take care of them...what else can i do

Angie - posted on 11/05/2009

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I believe every parent goes through that. It is very important that if you start to feel like that you take time for your self and relax and you time... and just remember to do the best you can and step back if your feeling overwhelmed.

Tiffany - posted on 11/05/2009

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I think every mom goes through this. you are only human and you are a wonderful mom. never let anyone tell you different. Sometimes you need a little you time and that always helps. you just have to remember that kids dont understand a lot sometimes and they didnt come into this world understanding feelings and emotions. Just remember to breath and relax and remember god doesnt put more on your shoulders than you can handle. Im here if you ever need to chat. (even though you dont know me sometimes strangers make great friends:)

Kristin - posted on 11/05/2009

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Only the good, caring moms do. The other moms don't care enough to even consider it. We all make mistakes, but the important thing is to love your children unconditionally, provide the boundaries they need to succeed, and be able to apologize when you do make mistakes. Our children need to see that we're not perfect, but even more than that, they need us to model sincere and complete apologies. Not only will that help them to see how much we love them but it will also help them in their relationships as they grow.

Could you do a better job? Only you truly know that. If your baby is happy and healthy, thriving and loved, then I wouldn't be worried. Little boys at that age can be a huge handful (at least my son was), but you can still be a good mommy even if it seems like you're saying 'no' all day long. After all, you're only saying it because you're trying to keep him safe. If it feels like you're just chasing him around all day getting onto him, then babyproof your home further than the experts recommend. While he's little, put everything you don't want broken or dirtied away in at least a few rooms so he has more freedom and you have more time to simply enjoy his inquisitive nature.

And when he informs you that he's just finished with something, don't force the issue. Gently encourage more of whatever it is he needs to do, but don't make him. He's at the age where he's learning some independence, where he's realizing that you and he aren't the same person, connected at the hip. He needs to explore and assert himself. But ultimately, you are still the boss. That's when you pick your battles. He doesn't get to play in the toilet water, for example, but if he insists on splashing around a little when you help him wash his hands, let him. It's just soap and water, after all. Wipe it up when he's done and be surprised at the newly cleaned counter.

Obviously I don't know the specifics of why you feel this way so I just picked a few examples from my life and such, but I hope that knowing that other moms frequently feel the same way is helpful. Basically, if you love your son and meet his needs, you are a good mom. Oh yes, read to him lots. :) You'll bond, and he'll be much more likely to develop a love for reading plus he'll eventually learn to sit still and focus which will be great for starting school.

Alyshia - posted on 11/05/2009

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I know how you feel. I have two girls, ones 2 yrs old and the other is 3 months and it feels like I cant give them what they need sometime. Sometimes I even feel like everyone is judging me when I out with them. Every time I feel like this, I just want to curl up into a ball and cry. I am bipolar and have sever depression so it doesnt help much either. You might need to ask your dr if you still have post-pardom depression. If you do he can help.

Fiona - posted on 11/05/2009

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i felt like that for about 3 years my twins wernt developing any way near the normal rate and i had social services and health visitors on my back the whole time. i had to prove i was doing everything right it was very draining. it turned out they have autism which is not my fault. felt like it at the time though.

Ashley - posted on 11/05/2009

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Everyone prolly goes through that. My son is 4 and I have another son on the way. I am a softy when it comes to my 4 year old. He gets whatever he wants, when he wants it because I feel like if I tell him no, he will cry and I hate making him cry. I feel like I am the worst mom ever, just telling my son "no".

Andrea - posted on 11/05/2009

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I have 3 ages 20,14 & 11. Believe me somedays feel like they overrun us-but just remember they didnt come with a instruction book and we cannot always please them.

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I dont feel like that - but in may circle of friends I am the exception rather than the rule. I think its something alot of mums go through. All you can do is your best and then keep reminding yourself that you are giving it your best :)

Courtney - posted on 11/05/2009

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we all have our days! my daughter is almost a year, and some days i feel like I'm the worst mom in the world, but as long as your not yelling at him or ignoring him. your not a bad mom :)

Jodi - posted on 11/05/2009

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I think all mothers go through that. My daughter is 12 and my son is 11, as they get older we have to help them make the right decisions even though they may not agree with us at the time. They will say and do things that make you feel terrible, but in the end they realize that you were right, though they may not admit it :) Just remember that as long as you do your best, it will all be all right, even if at the time you don't feel like it.

Danielle - posted on 11/05/2009

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I think everyone feels like this at some point. I have three and my youngest is six yet there are still days I question myself. I think mostly it is stress and it does pass. Just think this way if you care enough to ask a million strangers this question then you love you baby very much which makes a good mommy.

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