Does ferberizing work? Any thoughts/experiences?

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Jena - posted on 01/29/2009

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I'm sure the method does not work for everyone; however it has worked well for our daughter.



 



The common method people refer to as "The Ferber Method" is actually what Dr. Ferber calls the, "Progressive-Waiting Approach" in his book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems". To really understand and implement the method, I suggest carefully reading the book. The Progressive-Waiting Approach is only one solution for one type of sleep problem discussed in the book. He suggests using that method when your baby or child has wrong sleep associations. Meaning- they do not know how to put themselves to sleep and need something to physically put them to sleep. For example, being held, rocked to sleep, white noises, swinging, nursing, bottle feeding, pacifier, etc. If your child relies on any of these things, it may cause your child to depend on these things to put them to sleep. Whether it’s at bed time or in the middle of the night. Dr. Ferber says only to take action if the current habits are causing a sleep disturbance for your child or self. Babies and children need a certain amount of REM and Non-REM sleep, and the book also explains these cycles.



 



 The Progressive Waiting Approach is outline as a 7-day process. He does say some babies have drastically improved by day 3, some it takes a little longer. He also says that after 7 days, you can add a few min. to the intervals outlined, but if things have not improved or have gotten worse- you should stop the method and re-evaluate. You may have made a wrong "diagnosis" or you may not be carrying out the method properly.



 



The reason my husband and I read the book and starting the Progressive-Waiting Approach is b/c our daughter had been a good sleeper early on at night. However, she would never take a structured nap. She may fall asleep in her car seat or swing during the day, but never at a regular time. Nights became difficult. We relied on feeding her, and putting her in her swing with white noise playing-all night- until she fell asleep. Well, this began to not work right around 6 months old. Some nights it took several hours to get her to sleep. I would put her in her swing, hold her, feed, and repeat until she finally fell asleep, then I would put her in her crib and sneak out the room. Only to have her wake up and repeat the process over and over. The book gives some really interesting/funny analogies to show you how this feels to a baby. Here’s one- imagine every night you fall asleep in your bed with your pillow...Only to wake up in the middle of the night in a different spot and with no pillow....You begin to learn that this happens every night... You realize that every night you fall asleep in your bed with your pillow and someone sneaks in the middle of the night, moves you and takes your pillow... You then begin resisting sleep. Honestly, when I read that I knew that was exactly what was happening with my daughter! Every night she fells asleep in my arms, with a bottle in her mouth, but woke up in her crib or swing all alone- no me or bottle. Well, she did begin resisting sleep and she was over tired and cranky all day. We took her to her 6 mo. check up, her pediatrician suggested the method. We bought the book and tried the Progressive Waiting Approach that night.



The first night it took about an hour- yes, 60 min., or varying degrees of crying. We followed the guidelines for checking. They are very short at first- Day 1: 3 min., 5 min., 10 min. (and 10 min. thereafter until asleep). Dr. Ferber also said if you are not comfortable with these lengths, you can modify them. She was asleep in one hour and slept through the night. If she would have woke in the middle of the night, we would have started the process with the same intervals. Day 2 we did the same thing, while adding 2 day times naps. She fell asleep after about 20 min. for each nap and 30 min. at night, sleeping through the night again. We continued following the guidelines each night for the 7 days. Most nights she was right around 25-30 min. at bedtime for the 7 days. We continued past the 7 days and have been doing the method for about 3 weeks now. We did have some bad days where it took 40 min. at night. But for the past week now she has not making one peep when I put her down at night. I put her in her crib awake, she tosses and turns to get comfy, then is quiet, and shortly asleep. She does the same at nap time. She does wake up usually once a night. She makes a little noise for maybe 10 min. then back to sleep on her own, without any checking from me. Her mood is so much better. I feel so happy that she can now put herself to sleep and enjoy sleeping!! 



 



Just some key things to note- All babies, children, adults, have periods of heavier and lighter sleep. All people wake up in the middle of the night. It is a learned habit to me able to put yourself to sleep, and that is one of the goals of the "Ferber Method".  It is important to put your baby to sleep so they know where they are and so they are in the same state when they wake up in the morning. The reason each night and each interval in the Progressive Waiting Approach is so that your baby does not get used to short, frequent trips. If they know that eventually you are coming and will be there, they do not get scared. The book also stresses the importance of a routine. Babies and children need to know exactly what is going to happen. They need to now you are there. They also need to learn how to develop healthy sleep associations.



 



The book also discusses other potential sleep problems. It also says many times that you can modify, or stop doing the method at any time if things don't get better/get worse. It also outlines how to do the method even if you are co-sleeping with your child. I personally am so happy we are doing this with my daughter. I respect anyone who chooses not to. HOWEVER, it is really annoying when say things about the method when they have either a) not read the book b) do not even know how the method works c) tried it. I also find it hard to believe that there are any babies who have never cried. The book strongly insists on not just letting your baby cry until they fall asleep, but to follow a routine and pattern (Progressive Waiting Approach) so your child can fall asleep without being left alone and neglected.



 



I hope this msg. has helped some ppl. I strongly urge parents to read the book before they decide whether they agree or not. Also, it teaches you a lot about sleep in general!! Good luck!!

Maureen - posted on 01/29/2009

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I have a 3 year old and I breastfed when until she was a year old. I had her sleeping in bed with me as she would not sleep unless with me or rocking in her swing. I had to go back to work when she was 3 months old and she refused a bottle so i had to feed all night since she went without during the day. At 5 months I thought i would go nuts sleeping with her as she moved all the time and I was on high alert with her in the bed. So I decided to 'teach' her to sleep in her bed. I was still planning on feeding her every 2 hours but i needed to sleep without her to relax and i needed her to go to bed so I and my husband could have some alone time. I felt i would be a better mom. The first night, i put her down at 8pm, she cried for 2 hours straight, she was very mad! i went in, fed her and put her back in in the crib. She then cried for 45 min, then fell asleep, and when she woke I fed her and repeated the process. Let me tell you, I sat on my stairs and cried. I went outside and cried but I held on. The next night at 8pm, oh we did the routine as well, bath, book, ect, I repeated the process, totally expecting my strong willed little girl to scream it out again, but she only cried for 45 min, then slept, woke after 2 hours, I fed her, put her back and she slept. The next night she cried for 15 min and the 3rd night, not at all. I still continued to feed her when ever she woke which until she was 6 months old was about every 2 hours. She finally took a bottle and other food at 8 months and would then sleep longer periods. We also did naptimes at the same time everyday, 2 hrs. That was a really tough week and there have been since then other times when i have to re-inforse that she sleeps in her bed and mommy sleeps in her own bed. Of'cource when she is sick she sleeps with me. I think it is a very personal decision, between you and your child however it does teach them to sleep and sets up a pattern which i believe children like to have. It also give you time to be alone and regroup, making you a better mom in the morning, if you need that. I still have a very strong willed little girl who continues to test her bounderies, it's never easy but for me and E, very important. E still goes to bed every night at 730 to 8 and sleeps 11-12 hours plus takes a 2 hour nap each day.  Good luck and I hope it works out. Always remember, you know what is working or not working best for your child. Parenting is not easy, definatly a job! Very rewarding! My intentions where not to offend anyone with this message so I hope I haven't. Again, good luck!

Paula - posted on 01/21/2009

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I have a 6 and 4 year old.  My oldest didn't have much trouble with sleep, but my youngest went through a stage where he did.  As for the notion that the Ferber method is cruel and teaches them to hate their beds, it's just not true.  He was never, ever, left there to tough it out on his own.  We always explained to him that it was time for bed and that we would be back to check on him.  To this day he knows that we will always come back to his room to check on him and always teases the rest of the family that he has the coziest bed and bedroom (and he does!! :)  Children need boundaries in order to understand their place in the world and how the world works (and that it does NOT, in fact, revolve around them!).  When everyone in the house works together to help a little one learn to settle into a sound, peaceful sleep on his/her own, everyone benefits--most notably the child!!  If you think this is cruel, just wait until they enter preschool and elementary.  How will you fight their battles then?  Good luck!

Kerry - posted on 01/18/2013

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From my experience, yes, the Ferber method does work. My husband and I both work so it was imperative for us to find a way to make sleeping through the night a must. My baby started sleeping through the night at 3 months old with no problems at all. He learned to self soothe himself to sleep. If I have any other children, I plan on doing the very same thing!

J. Celeste - posted on 01/29/2009

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We tried it for a couple nights, but I think ours was too young for it to work (she was about 4 months then). I was all set to give it another try after she was 6 months old, but she began being able to find the binky in her crib and stick it back in her mouth (self-soothing, via pacifier). In the last month (she's now 7 months), she has started sleeping through the night. We do not go to her immediately when she cries out - we give it 30 seconds or a minute and now, in the majority of cases, she finds a way to get back to sleep within a minute. When the crying goes on for longer than a minute, or it seems like she's shrieking, we go in and it's usually b/c her legs are caught in the crib (I've order a breathable bumper that's on the way) or she had pushed all the binkys out of the crib. It takes less than a minute to fix the problem and she's back asleep. I think Ferber wouldn't like her "sleep association" with a pacifier, but honestly, I'll worry about that later. For now, she sleeps through the night and we have a very happy baby.



For my sister and sister-in-law, they Ferbered and both also have great sleepers who do not seem to have been scarred by the process. There are many ways parents show their children they love them.

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Deni - posted on 01/29/2009

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Quoting Jena:



Quoting Candance:




Dr Ferber admitted he was wrong on his theory!!  Hope that helps!










Lol No, he didn't. Have you read the latest edition of his book, "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" copyright 2006? He expanded and revised parts of his method. He made it easier for parents to read/understand. However, The basic "Progessive- Waiting Approach" method, which should be used to develop healthy sleep associations, has not changed, and he never said he was "wrong". Hehe






Thanks Jena!  I kept meaning to get my book out and make direct quotes, but never got it done!

Jena - posted on 01/29/2009

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Quoting Candance:



Dr Ferber admitted he was wrong on his theory!!  Hope that helps!






Lol No, he didn't. Have you read the latest edition of his book, "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" copyright 2006? He expanded and revised parts of his method. He made it easier for parents to read/understand. However, The basic "Progessive- Waiting Approach" method, which should be used to develop healthy sleep associations, has not changed, and he never said he was "wrong". Hehe

Sarah - posted on 01/22/2009

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I don't like it at all. They say give it 3 days and by the third night your baby should be sleeping all night long. The first night we tried it she screamed for 10 minutes and then went and slept all night long. Second night screamed for 45 minutes and then still woke up in the night panicing, the third night it was over an hour and she still woke up during the night. We stopped doing it and I just went in there when she cried and picked her up and held her until she fell asleep. Once she was asleep I held her for two minutes and then put her back in her crib. Most of the time she would open her eyes but would go back to sleep. Now she does great and sleeps until 530-600 am then comes and sleeps in our bed until 800. Good luck!

Rebecca - posted on 01/22/2009

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I have no personally done it yet...I have thought about it.  My 6 month old sleeps pretty well.  My cousin did it with her daughter.  She said that the first few days were horrible but after like 5 days she went to sleep all on her own and everything was wonderful.

[deleted account]

Perfect reply from Amy Jo Scoca-Southworth (above). My thoughts exactly!!!!!

As another mom pointed out too: Dr. Ferber admitted his theory was wrong.

[deleted account]

Be careful with letting your child cry without checking in on him/her. I thank God I go to my children when they cry. I heard my son cry and when I went in he was choking on milk (he has reflux and laryngomalacia). His episodes are crying and choking silently alternating back and forth until he is calmed and soothed by being held upright. Please be careful-even if your child does not have reflux, he/she could easily spit up milk and have this same problem.

Amy Jo - posted on 01/22/2009

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Some important info from Kelly Mom- also - you didn't specify if you were breastfeeding--that can make a difference. there is lots of research out there about the natural sleep patterns and needs of infants. www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/sleep.html





Your baby will begin to comfort herself and to sleep for longer stretches at her own developmental pace. If your baby wants to nurse at night, it is because she DOES need this, whether it's because she is hungry or because she wants to be close to mom. Sleeping through the night is a developmental MILESTONE (like walking or toilet training) that your baby will reach when she is ready to. Trying to force or coax baby to reach this before her time may result in other problems later on.



If you can try to take a more relaxed approach and trust that it will come in time, you'll see your baby eventually become a good sleeper. You'll be able to rest peacefully in your heart and mind knowing that she reached this in her own time when she felt secure enough to do so, not because he had no other choice but to quiet herself because no one would come.



Probably one of the main reasons that night-waking babies are such a big issue is that parents don't have realistic expectations of the sleep patterns of babies. We are bombarded with magazine articles and books that perpetuate the myth that babies should not have nighttime needs. Babies were designed to wake up often at night to feed and cuddle, and keep in mind that many adults wake during the night, too. If our expectations for babies were not so different from our babies' expectations for themselves, much of this "problem" might disappear.



See Studies on normal infant sleep for more information on what is normal.





Why do babies wake at night?

Babies wake at night for many reasons, and they often start waking at night after sleeping through for a few months. Some of the reasons for night waking (in no particular order) are:



baby wants more time with mom

teething

developmental advances (for example: waking more often right before or after learning to turn over, crawl or talk)

illness, allergy, diaper rash, eczema

hunger (including growth spurts)

reverse cycling: Some babies whose moms are away during the day prefer to reject most/all supplements while mom is away, and nurse often during the evening and night. If mom is very busy during the day or if baby is very distracted, this can also lead to reverse cycling.

When your child nurses more often at night, go through this checklist to see if you can figure out what might be going on. Sometimes there may be more than one thing causing the night waking.

Gabrielle - posted on 01/21/2009

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We used the Ferber method with my daughter, and while it was really hard the first night, it totally worked. By the 3rd night, she only cried a few minutes, and since then, she goes right to sleep. She's 29 months now, and after her night-time bottle, she kisses Daddy goodnight, goes to her bedroom (sometime so fast I have so scurry after her!) and gets right into bed. I never let her "cry it out" in any other way, and if she cries in the middle of the night, I go in to hold her/rock her. She's great at soothing herself to sleep, or playing quietly in her bed until she's ready to sleep. She's well-behaved, speaks extremely well with a large vocabulary, and doesn't appear to have any fear of her bed or any trauma. All that being said, every parent has to make their own choices about what will work for them and their child. I've heard lots of good things about the Baby Whisperer and a few other books/techniques. Good luck!

Suzanne - posted on 01/21/2009

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I am glad someone can disagree, that just shows that different things work for different people and all children are different.  I was not a fan of CIO, and it made my son very upset.  I am sorry that you disagree, but whatever works for your child is what you should do.  There is never a right way of doing things for everyone when it comes to children.  They are all different, as are all parents different.  This is why I chose to use the babywhisperer web site.  A firend of mine told me about this board, but it is clear that this is not a place that mothers can come together and share ideas.  I wish you all luck, but I am sticking to the babywhisperer.  The people on that sire are all on the same page!!



 

Suzanne - posted on 01/21/2009

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I am glad someone can disagree, that just shows that different things work for different people and all children are different.  I was not a fan of CIO, and it made my son very upset.  I am sorry that you disagree, but whatever works for your child is what you should do.  There is never a right way of doing things for everyone when it comes to children.  They are all different, as are all parents different.  This is why I chose to use the babywhisperer web site.  A firend of mine told me about this board, but it is clear that this is not a place that mothers can come together and share ideas.  I wish you all luck, but I am sticking to the babywhisperer.  The people on that sire are all on the same page!!



 

Cheryl - posted on 01/21/2009

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Quoting Suzanne:



I would suggest a book called the Baby Whisperer.  She has a great and loving approach to teaching your infant how to sleep, and how to get them on a routine, without letting them cry it out.  Personally I think that is very cruel, and babies know, when they are in their bed crying for you, they will begin to learn that thier bed is a place of stress, and remember the feeling s they get when they are screaming for you and you simply dont go to them.  The Baby Whisperer is a great book, and she even has a web site with chat boards.  It was a great hlep to me, and my son was sleeping through the night by 3 months old.  Try it!





I disaagree with Suzanne.  I believe letting my daughter cry it out taught her that her bed was not a stressful place.  If you go to your baby every other time they cry or need you leaving them safely in their crib to cry lets them know that mom knows this is a safe place and I am ok.  I really believe my daughter just needed to let off steam before falling asleep.  She would cry every time I put her down to nap...for months.  Sometimes for just a few minutes sometimes almost an hour!  I read the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth which is similar to Ferber.  After sleep training the Wiessbluth way she is a happy, healthy, and smart child and still an awesome napper at 3 1/2.

Darlene - posted on 01/21/2009

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I did try the ferber method but for me going back made it worse.What i do kno is how important it is to self soothe. ( meaning go to sleep on their own) My oldest son is 3 never self soothed b/c i didn't have the heart to let him cry. He has horrible sleeper to this day because of it. I have a 10 month old who can self soothe sleeps 7p-7a he is a well rested happy baby .I still get up in middle of the night but it is for my toddler not the baby.... I used the book healthy sleep habbits happy baby with my secon son by dr weissblueth. Good luck....

[deleted account]

When my daughter was about nine months old, she refused to sleep. She was sleeping in our bed and woke several times during the night. The only way to get her to go back to sleep was to get up and sit in the rocking chair with her or give her a bottle. Less than two hours later, she was up again, and we started the entire process all over. We didn't go to bed until almost 11pm and were up for the day by 5:30 am. My husband and I were exhausted and at wit's end. A co-worker told me about a book titled "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby." The book was written by a pediatrician in Chicago, and his suggestions seemed logical and well-researched. The first night we tried his methods, my daughter cried for about 15 minutes and was asleep by 8 pm and slept until 6:30 am. Although she was well-behaved and attentive before trying out the new sleep method, she became an absolute joy to be around. Nap times had also been a struggle (no regular naps, and usually only in the stroller/snugli) and she suddenly began taking two naps a day. The book gave a lot of problem-solving tips as well as info for all ages of your child's development, through school-age kids. My daughter is now almost five and sleeps 11 hours a night. We also have two-year old twins, and we applied the same principles to their sleep schedules. They have been sleeping through the night since they were 2 1/2 months old and now sleep 12 hours a night. All aspects of parenting are about balance and what works for you and your family...this is just another suggestion!

Deni - posted on 01/21/2009

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I'm done arguing with you. I know you have the right to say whatever you want. The difference is whether or not you should. It's obvious to me that you are not going to take other people's feelings into consideration with this or any other post. So continue to do as you please and I will "read and move on."

Suzanne - posted on 01/21/2009

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Everyone has the right to say they do not agree with something.  If others disagree with me thats fine, but personal opinion should not be taken so personally.  If someone said that you were a teriible mother for doing that, that should be taken personally.  Just for the record, that was only an example, not my opinion.  If you dont like my opinion you dont need to make such a big deal of it.  Just read and move on. 

Suzanne - posted on 01/21/2009

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Everyone has the right to say they do not agree with something.  If others disagree with me thats fine, but personal opinion should not be taken so personally.  If someone said that you were a teriible mother for doing that, that should be taken personally.  Just for the record, that was only an example, not my opinion.  If you dont like my opinion you dont need to make such a big deal of it.  Just read and move on. 

Deni - posted on 01/21/2009

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I agree that the book The Baby Whisperer was a great suggestion. I'm not going to get into an online debate with you....I realize that everyone is fully entitled to their opinion. I am also not suggesting that you change your feelings. What I am suggesting is that everyone consider what they are typing because it may be hurtful to others.

Suzanne - posted on 01/21/2009

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I dont feel that my opinion is insensitive, it is my PERSONAL opinion.  I am not telling anyone not to do it, just how I feel about it.  I suggested a book that I read because I LOVED it and it worked for me, and 5 of my friends.  No one is suggesting that your son is abnormal by any means.  I think you need to accept the fact that people do have different opinions, and everyone is allowed to express their concerns and opinions with others.  Dont take it so personally.  If you did it and it worked, GREAT, I chose not to, and it worked for me.  No reason for the defensive!!

Deni - posted on 01/20/2009

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If any of you met my little boy, you would meet a well rounded, happy, peaceful, intelligent and well rested little boy. He isn't stressed when he goes to bed. I also feel you may not know the true Ferber method and are judging it simply by the name "cry-it-out." You do, in fact, go to the child and speak to them soothingly during the initial phase at set intervals. You do not ignore them. Also, since he began sleeping through the night, when he does have a rare bad night due to a cold or his teeth, I always pick him up and comfort him until he falls back asleep or is calm. He no longer cries at bedtime, he sings and talks until he falls asleep. If he wakes briefly through the night (everyone does in their normal sleep patterns), he may make a noise or two then falls back to sleep on his own. The other methods are probably a good option for some people. I think that each family should do all the research and choose the option that they feel is best for them. I take it very personally when someone says the method that I used is cruel. We have a very loving, bonded relationship with our son. And I don't attack others for their decision to co-sleep even though it isn't a method that I feel is appropriate for my family. Maybe we could all just let Martina know what we did that worked or didn't work and leave the insensitive opinions out.

Suzanne - posted on 01/20/2009

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I would suggest a book called the Baby Whisperer.  She has a great and loving approach to teaching your infant how to sleep, and how to get them on a routine, without letting them cry it out.  Personally I think that is very cruel, and babies know, when they are in their bed crying for you, they will begin to learn that thier bed is a place of stress, and remember the feeling s they get when they are screaming for you and you simply dont go to them.  The Baby Whisperer is a great book, and she even has a web site with chat boards.  It was a great hlep to me, and my son was sleeping through the night by 3 months old.  Try it!

[deleted account]

Thanks for all the great input! I have read some of Dr. Sears work, as well as "The No Cry Sleep Solution" from Elizabeth Pantley. All of their ideas have been very appealing to me, as well as attachment parenting and my son is so well behaved in every other aspect. I have tried many things to help him sleep through the night but his night waking and sleeping habits seem to be getting worse, so I thought I would try something different. That is why I am trying to gather as much information as I can from people who have tried it, and I will read the book first. If it doesn't work for me, then on to the next idea! Thanks everyone!

Deni - posted on 01/20/2009

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Just a quick addition...Jack started speaking early, was saying over 200 words at 15 months, including phrases and can now, at 17 months, count to 13 on his own and has begun to sing the alphabet along with me. I know his speech and memory did not suffer from our decision to use the Ferber method. He actually enjoys his bedtime routine and when bath time rolls around asks to "go night-night."

Ande - posted on 01/20/2009

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Ferberizing does work, but it takes commitment from the rest of the family - no fair if you're the only one trying to do it!  With my kids, it helped to have a sleep routine in place: bath, book, song, etc. so they were aware of bedtime approaching, then they were awake but settled when we put them down.  It also helped to have the house relatively quiet so that the babied didn't think they were missing out on anything.  Rather than crying, mine climbed out of bed, so we walked them back to their beds (no carrying) very matter-of-factly and had them climb back in by themselves - no extra kisses, no extra hugs.  They learned very quickly (less than a week) that getting up after bedtime gained them nothing.  Kids are resilient - they won't remember by the time that they're toddlers that they were "ferberized"!  Good luck :))

Deni - posted on 01/20/2009

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I'm sure you'll get all kinds of advice with this question! We used the Ferber method when Jack was 7 months old. I just knew it wouldn't work for our stubborn little boy, but on the third night he fell asleep within 5 minutes and stayed asleep all night. Since then the only nights he hasn't slept well were when teeth were erupting and when he's had a cold. He's 17 months old now. I actually mailed Dr. Ferber a thank-you note! I know every parent has to do what's best for their family and I applaud you for doing the research to find out what may work best for yours! One other recommendation. I would take the time to read Dr. Ferber's book before you start. He gives you insight as to why his methods work and advice for many different situations. For example, we decided, after our research, to take away Jack's pacifier and swaddle at the same time, but Dr. Ferber walks you through doing each step in stages too. Good luck with getting your little one to sleep through the night!

Amy Jo - posted on 01/20/2009

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This month in Mothering Magazine they have a great bunch of articles devoted to infant sleep. The first lesson a baby needs to learn the 1st year of life is trust vs. mistrust. If they are left to cry it out they will eventually sleep on their own (self soothe) but researchers have found that that may not be the only desired effect- "severe stress is evident when a long bout of crying is follwed by quieting, with emotional and physical withdrawal. This protest-despair reponse is asociated with particularly high brain levels of the stress hormone cortisol. High cortisol levels can lead to permanent changes in important brain structures... invloved in the formation of memory and speech." It is an under a century old devleopment to have infants sleep away from their parents and be forced to develop premature "independence." We still don't know the effects on our population... Consider investigating the benefits of attachment parenting - you can use whichever parts work for you. Dr. Sears has a great website as well as Mothering. Lots of moms we know attachment parent and these are some of the most confident, happiest, well-adjusted kids I know!! Good luck to you!

[deleted account]

I can't listen to my kids cry so I never used that approach. Some people swear by it and that is fine-it's up to an individual to do the research and decide what works for them. On the flipside, there is plenty of research to support going to and comforting your crying baby. I have a 4 year old has always gone to bed with snuggles and she has always had the security of knowing mommy or daddy would be there if she needed them. It has never been a problem and I use the same approach with my 5 month old. I figure that babies cry when they want/need something. Both children do well with my approach.

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