Does he want to be my daughter's father? Need advice! single mom!

Haley - posted on 03/26/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




I need some advice! My daughter is 18 mos. old and when I was 2 mos. pregnant her father pretty much told me he wanted nothing to do with her. SO, I am a single mom, and since the beginning of my pregnancy I have known this guy (a professional environment) and I would say by now we are like friends. During my pregnancy he was really sweet, and he always seemed to flirt with me. When I had my daughter, he seemed to fall in love with her almost like he was her dad (since he knew me my whole pregnancy). He was quick to say how much he loved her, wanted to be there for her, protect her, etc. and ever since has seemed to love her more and more. NOW, he knows her bio. father wants nothing to do with her, and he knows i'm single, and so is he. Since it is a professional environment I don't think he is allowed to seek out specific clients. We don't get too many chances to talk, but when we do, he is always mentioning how much he loves children, and how he can't wait to be a father. He even just recently asked me if I wanted 3 or 4 more children, and I found that extremely odd. He's such a lovable, trustworthy guy, and I'd love nothing more than for him to be a part of me and my daughter's life, but he won't make a move. I want to know him better, but I think maybe he is holding back waiting for me. I have seen him interact with other children, and he seems to like them just as much, but he acts so differently with my daughter and I think it's because he knows there's not a father just around the corner. So, is he just being "friendly", or is he interested? should I approach him and tell him how I feel, to let him know it's okay if he wants to be in her life, or should I wait for him to make the move?


Amy - posted on 03/27/2013




Well it's not just up to a guy to make the first move, so if you're interested in him then ask him out for coffee. I don't think that you should only be interested in him because he seems to want to be a father but it's good to know that if something develops down the road he's willing to do it. If you do get the courage to ask him out I would leave your daughter out of the equation, it would be like dating a stranger no point introducing then and having her get attached until you see a long term future.

Kelsey - posted on 03/26/2013




I personally, wouldn't introduce the baby to the new guy right away. As you said, you hardly know him and would like to get to know him more. I would just try to do some adult only dates and try to get to know him more. To me, if there's some red flags, (him asking if you want more kids) and something doesn't settle right, maybe you two would be better off as friends. You don't really know this guy and he could be one of the many creepers out there. If you're interested, background check is your best friend. I wouldn't bring anyone around my son without knowing they were A-OK is my book. That's how babies get hurt.


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I'm a newly single mother of 2 kids. They see their father sometimes, but he's unreliable and selfish.

However. The man in my life (and it's a little bit complicated) would love to take in a parenting role with my kids.

I have told him that when he comes here (we've known each other for over a decade, but he's spent most of that time living far away and will soon be here for work, and we are going to give it a try) he won't be meeting them right away.

He will be here for 6 months, if at the end of that time he wants to say (and I really hope he does) then he can meet them and we can take it from there.

I felt like we should be sure before he gets involved with them even though he wants to. He's happy to accept that cause he want's to protect the kids too. I mean we know each other very well, but we've never done the relationship thing before.

As to if you should make the first move or not, go for it (I did!). Start with something simple, coffee, or lunch. It's also a buffer if you've misread, cause it's not full on date stuff. Or if you really wanted to, just be up front, "I like you, you wanna go out?" but that's not for everyone.

Good Luck!

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