Does my 14 year old hate me?

Tammy - posted on 07/27/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My 14 year old daughter acts like she hates me,My ex and I have joint custody.She lived with me from age 5-11. We were so happy. She was loving and cared about people so much.I agreed to let her live with her dad when she was 11. He is very wealthy and buys her everything she wants. He just got remarried about a month ago.They moved into a new house in another city. I don't even know her address.(I do understand that he is breaching our court order) He lets her go on her computer 24-7.She even eats in front of her computer. Every year it just seemed to get worse.I have not seen her for 3 months. When I call her she is so miserable and says hateful things. I try to explain to her how much i love her but, she always says that Love is an emotion that doesn't come naturally to her.I should add that her father despises me and has not talked to me for years,I do know that visitation should not be left for a child to decide. He is suppose to talk to me and make arrangements..I'm going to have to go to court and try to make sure she is OK. In the meantime my heart aches because I miss her so much. I'm a mess because this is not the happy little girl I raised. I cry every day.Is this just teen drama? Is her father manipulating her?

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Tina - posted on 07/27/2012

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Sucks when parents play mind games like that. Unfortunately she's at that age girls go through when they can't just become reclusive and angry and him letting her on the computer all the time is feeding that. Being on the computer all the time has a way of making a person depressed. I know I went through that difficult stage. I'm sure she doesn't hate you she's just manipulated and confused right now. Probably got boys and all sorts of other things on her mind. Just let her know that if she ever needs you. You will be there for her and she can talk to you about anything.

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Tina - posted on 07/30/2012

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No worries I could understand how you feel. I'm very close to my kids and this would absolutely break my heart. It was bad enough after I had my second my first didn't seem to want a bar of me. I think it's just a safety wall though. That's probably all it is. Just hiding inside a computer basically so she doesn't have to deal with her real feelings. I think you should do what ever you have to do. goodluck:)

Tina - posted on 07/30/2012

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No worries I could understand how you feel. I'm very close to my kids and this would absolutely break my heart. It was bad enough after I had my second my first didn't seem to want a bar of me. I think it's just a safety wall though. That's probably all it is. Just hiding inside a computer basically so she doesn't have to deal with her real feelings. I think you should do what ever you have to do. goodluck:)

Tammy - posted on 07/28/2012

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Yes Tina. I also believe that computers can really make you miserable when you'r on them too much. She seems to be living in this fantasy world where REAL people don't seem to matter any more. I wish i could just have an adult conversation with my ex. I just have to follow through with my plan of going to court. The problem is; I am in so much pain in my heart, I fell like I am mourning the loss of my daughter. Thank you so much for your feedback.

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