Does my daughter deserve a spanking for this (pro-spankers only please)?

Holly - posted on 03/18/2015 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My twelve-year-old daughter and a couple of her friends, for the last few months, have been posting some very offensive stuff on the Internet about a teacher at their school. They made some inappropriate videos supposedly about her and posted them on youtube, pretended to be her on some different sites, and basically insulted her to each other and others. They even made some inappropriate sexual comments!

The school found out about this just today and my daughter and the other girls are suspended for Monday and Tuesday, but I think they got off lightly. Should I give my daughter a spanking for what she did? It was way beyond the pale and as of yet she says she doesn't know why she initiated it (she was the ringleader in this plan to destroy the reputation of a teacher who has been nothing but good and gracious to her), just that "they were bored". Even now, the teacher says she forgives them and not to be too upset at them and punish them too much. I am APPALLED at my daughter's lack of remorse for this terrible thing.

The usual punishment for things this serious in our home is usually a spanking (even though I haven't had to spank my eldest for two years now). Should I spank her and how should I do it? I used to do a hairbrush on her bare bottom when she did things this serious in the past; should I?

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Jodi - posted on 03/18/2015

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Spanking a child of this age is actually considered assault in some places and research also shows it has very little effect in changing long term behaviour. There are far more effective consequences that you can use that actually have a much stronger link to the behaviour.

Personally, I'd be banning the internet and all electronic equipment (phones, iPods, etc) until such time as she can demonstrate she has the maturity to be able to handle it, and show some empathy for what she has done, and even then, strictly supervised only. I'd also be grounding her from any extra-curricular activities with these particular friends that were involved in this situation. I also agree with Michelle that a formal apology should be made to the teacher involved, one that includes recognition on how this may have harmed the teacher, not only from a professional standpoint, but emotionally as well.

Brandi - posted on 03/18/2015

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If she was my child I wouldn't have to question whether to spank her or not. You set your rules in your home so stick to them! And make her write a apology letter to her teacher. (don't take offense to my opinion)

Jodi - posted on 03/19/2015

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But discipline DOES need to change as children get older.....whether you like it or not, some things become less effective, and other things more effective.

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Sarah - posted on 03/13/2016

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This post is nearly a year old and I hope the parents have dealt with the hugely obnoxious and illegal behavior of their child. As this is not the pro-spanking community, I am locking the thread.

Gwen - posted on 03/13/2016

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No, you should not spank her. Here's why. I got spanked well into my teen years. A girl that age (you said she's 12) is emerging as a sexual being. If you stimulate that area (the buttocks lie in close proximity to the genitals), you may sexually confuse her. That's what happened to me! I didn't know why I felt both excited in a "bad" girl way, although I hated the actual spanking. It messed me up in that it made me think I was intrinsically "bad" or "dirty". I later found out, while taking a college level human sexuality course, that my feelings are not uncommon. In short, 12 years old is far too old to spank!

Connie - posted on 03/20/2015

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With all due respect physically punishing your daughter isn't going to teach her anything about the way she treated her teacher. She lacks empathy of her actions. Destroying her teachers reputation is a serious choice to punish her teacher for something she felt unfair and worthy of such drastic actions. By all to her honestly and openly to
Understand why she was pushed to these extremes. Be sure your reassuring her of your love and support. I hope this advice brings you and your daughter closer! Spanking certainly won't! Best of luck! There is no closer relationship than that of a mother and daughter! Hang in there💞

Dove - posted on 03/19/2015

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Discipline changes as kids age.... if you don't realize this... you must not have an older child. When my girls were 5/6... time out was one of my 'go to' things. Having a 13 year old sit in a chair for 13 minutes... would be completely stupid. It is much more effective for me to ground from the computer for the day... or ground from hanging out w/ friends for a time, etc....

I have VERY respectful kids who very, very rarely ever get in 'trouble'.. more than a simple reminder at times. They aren't confused in the slightest.

Brandi - posted on 03/19/2015

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I know mom probably settled this all ready but I believe that we should stick to the way we discipline our children regardless of age so they know what to expect! If you change the way you discipline your child, your child will most likely change there character as well. Do to the fact that we are sending off a confusing outlook on the way they are disciplined.

Chana - posted on 03/19/2015

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I have to agree with Jodi on this one even though I was not aware that spanking a 12 year old can be considered assault in some areas. I think the formal apology with how this could damage the teacher's reputation is a great idea. It may make her realize how bad what she did really could be. I think a lot of times kids and adults, for that matter, don't fully realize that once something is but on the internet it is there pretty much forever I guess that is why it is the world wide web.

Dove - posted on 03/19/2015

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12 is way too old for a spanking. If you don't have better methods under your parenting belt by now... get some parenting help.

Watch the move Cyberbully w/ her. It is a very powerful movie about the very real possible consequences of her behavior. Then you need to remove her computer privileges for at LEAST a month. If she needs the computer to do homework... she can only do it w/ you sitting right there. If she has any mobile devices that she uses to access the internet... remove them.

I would also have her write a report and an apology letter to her teacher after watching the movie that shows that she understands just how serious this action is... and if all of that doesn't help... both of you should seek some counseling.

Michelle - posted on 03/18/2015

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I agree with Maryann in that spanking teens and pre teens doesn't work.
I would be enforcing some other punishment and also get her to write a formal apology to the teacher. Even though the teacher said she has forgiven them, they need to learn how their actions could damage someone's reputation and chance of employment in the future.

Maryann - posted on 03/18/2015

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I personally believe spanking teens and pre teens doesn't always work. There are other ways to discipline a child this age.

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