Does the father deserve to know when the child is born?

Josephine - posted on 01/22/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am pregnant (an accident which shocked me at first but now I am looking forward to being a mum, if not a little scared) and the father does not want to know - he is 49 yrs old so should behave more adult but he doesn't. I have given him the opportunity to have a say on whether the pregnancy proceeded - no response, and whether he wants to be involved in the child's life - no response. So I feel I've been responsible but he hasn't. He has a new girlfriend now and rather blinded by her silicon implants (and that is no joke)! The only thing he is bothered about is how much child support he has to pay. He has been brought up with morals (just doesn't display them) and I think the reason he has ignored the situation is that he does not have the backbone to say he doesn't want to know the child as against how he was brought up. He has never been married and has no other children we were together for a year before I got pregnant.

Anyhow, I am due to give birth shortly and I don't know whether to tell him when I do. Part of me does not want to as I don't believe he has the right to know due to his behaviour which absolutely disgusts me. I am also worried he may continue to ignore it and this will anger me - not for my sake but I don't believe the baby deserves such disrespect. But this is not about me it is about the baby and I feel maybe I should tell him so at least when the baby is older I can explain that I did try but he did not. So should I tell him or should I not?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/22/2014

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Ok, well, first, it's different for a guy. You feel the "connection" (for lack of better description) sooner and stronger, because you are the incubator for the child, you are intimately involved with every step of that child's initial physical development.

Men are not, and for many the fact doesn't become "real" until after the child is born and there is a tangible object for the man to relate to.

Tell him about the birth. You're going to want the support, and he deserves to know the kid is born. He may even surprise you (silicon distractions aside) by actually wanting to be a dad. That is, once it becomes "real" to him, which will be when the child is actually here.

Then, get paternity proven, and discuss support, and visitation.

Ev - posted on 01/22/2014

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What you really need to do when this baby is born is to get custody, visitation and child support set up so that he knows exactly what his obligations are to this child. Another thing you need to do is not leave him in the dark about the child. You also need to allow the child to have a relationship with the dad so that when he or she grows up they can decide if they want that relationship on their own terms. Just because this man did not react to in any form you found approprate does not mean that when said child is born he won't want to have something to do with child. You can not judge what a person does because finding out you are going to be a parent no matte the age and depending on circumstances is a shock. THat may be why he did not react any better than he did. He might change. I would tell him. Its up to him to establish a relationship if he wants one. It is his loss if he does not. But you can not keep this from him and expect things to go away or whatever...he could turn around and file for his rights as the father.

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